Swear That You're The Best For Me
by Mnjae
Summary: When Piper Chapman left Alex Vause in Paris, her plans at becoming the WASP-Y white picket fenced wife had subsided. Now an active listed Marine, Piper Chapman leaves behind not only Alex but her family and Polly. But when things suddenly take a turn for the worst, Piper takes refuge in alcohol- fighting just to feel- and digging into files she should of left alone.
1. Falling Out Of Consciousness

Falling In And Out Of Consciousness

Chapter One

**Piper Chapman**.

It was blistering hot, and the inside of the building was just making the heat that much worse. My team and I were rummaging through a torn building in a little town called Pyra. I was stationed on my second tour in Iraq when everything was going just the way it always did, until we ran into a little hassle.

"Chapman! I don't think we will be able to make it up the next few floors." Rodrick, who was the current lead of the team had discovered the stairs up were completely blocked and torn from recent occurrences to the side of the building. Our mission at the time had been to clear out building four, and rummage through buildings one and three, while building two crumbled to the ground. "We will split into three groups of two. Chapman and Rodrick clear out the west part of floor 3, Sam and I will take the east part. J-J and Clef, try and find a way up while guarding the stairway. We will round up in fifteen. Got it?"

I wasn't about to tell my commanding captain that there wasn't going to be any possible way up those stairs, and if there was some mysterious way, it would only be another hassle getting back down those stairs without falling through the floor below. The south corner of the building was broken and hazardous, but to share that easily noticeable piece of information with Micheal, our captain, wasn't going to be very easy as it sounded. He would of blown it off and continued with the mind set he already had. At the time, it was best to leave Micheal to figure it out the long way. Later, I would soon regret that decision.

Rodrick and I swept the west side of the building with care and with little noise. The building was so incredibly empty, just like building one. Coming up on our last room, Rodrick kicked down the door and I swept right passed him before it ended just like the rest of them had been. "Clear." Pulling down the cloth that covered the bottom half of my face, I walked over to a tall window before I checked the time. "Little under five minutes. Lets do another sweep in here before we head back." That was another decision I was going to regret. I watched Rodrick out of the corner of my eye from the window. He had been rummaging through a few lockers and some desks, always coming up empty handed when he came across a bottle of liqueur. Rodrick's face lite up every time, only to be disappointed when there wasn't at least a drop inside. I smiled at this, and it only faded as the time went on.

"Chapman! Looky Looky!" I took a step back turning in Rodrick's direction before I bumped into a tall brown dresser. My attention towards Rodrick completely subsided and my attraction to the mysterious brown dresser only grew with anticipation. I couldn't have missed it, the craftsmanship and how insanely new it looked, it couldn't have gone unnoticed in a trashed room like this. I shifted my gun around my shoulder before I opened the very top drawer, when I found nothing inside, I continued down the next two below the first one. My confusion only grew more by the second, and after coming empty handed from the next two drawers, I felt insane for thinking I was going to find something. The dresser and everything about it screamed familiar, but I still couldn't point out why I felt that something was missing. When I felt the sudden urge to look through the third drawer again, I stopped shortly, only then realizing what exactly it was I was looking for. _My Passport._

Every fiber in my being froze, my insides were screaming not to look up from that dresser, and even though denying it later; the outcome never seemed possible then. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the dark haired figure sitting quietly on the side of the bed. _Silk sheets._ "My mom died." Her voice, those blue ends, Paris. "Alex..?" Just when I took those few steps towards her, the reality of everything seeped through, and everything subsided. The walls tore, the building shook radically and I was suddenly thrown through the window just towards the right of me. In just seconds, I hit the ground three stories below, and while the deb-re and ash washed over me; my body felt numb against the warm dirt. At that moment, my ears were already ringing and my vision wasn't doing any better; I knew then, that I was fighting to remain conscious.

_"Oh Alex, oh I'm so sorry." I pulled her against me as best I could, from the way we had been sitting on the bed; and I could hear in her voice she was vulnerable. "My first instinct was to call her and talk about it."_

I was then roughly shaken, and pulled from the warmth of what I could recall being her arms; but when my vision caught glimpses of a heated desert I knew her arms were the farthest thing from me. Everything was happening so fast, and while I tried my very best to see what was going on, I still couldn't make out what these people were saying. My vision had suddenly gotten worse, and I then realized a cloth like bag had been thrown over my head and my wrists were already tied in front of me. In the next few minutes, I was quickly pushed in to what seemed like a jeep, and just when my head hit the medal floor; I saw her face again.

_"Please don't leave. Not now." She looked at me in such an unfamiliar way that I knew her drug smuggling and business meant absolutely nothing. She really wanted me to stay, and if I stayed a moment longer; in her vulnerable gaze, I knew I'd never leave. I turned around all to quickly, and without a word I left, leaving nothing but the door closing behind me._

"Move!" I heard someone say while they forced me out of the back of the jeep and I sprung out onto the rough dirt below. The wind was knocked out of me so fast it was hard not to cough, and this only seemed to make the man angry. My ears were just easing off the ringing, but my senses to the area were still not all that clear. I didn't know where I was or what was currently happening. I could hear the blow before it happened, and that's when my whole body started feeling the ache, it was all an action too fast. The adrenaline and shock was then gone.

_"Oh my god, I thought for a second you meant we would go together, __**like**__ a vacation, __**like**__ normal people."_

_ "I need you to do this. I wouldn't ask if I had any other option."_

Kick. Cough. Kick again. Black.

_"I specifically told you, I would never do that again. __**Jesus**__, I am so stupid. I really am, I am just another drug mule to you."_

_ "You are such a __**naive asshole**__ sometimes."_

_ "I'm an asshole!?"_

Pulled and shoved to the ground. Another kick. Loud voices. Black.

_"I am drowning right now, and you won't even consider helping me!"_

_ "I am done. I can't do this anymore, I cant __**be with you**__!"_

Dragged. Head hanging towards the floor. Black.

_"Rule number one, don't fall in love with a straight girl!"_ _I stared at her in disbelief, dumbfounded that she would even bring that up, let alone say it so forcefully.  
"Is that what you think this is about? That I like dick?" I was already closing the space that had been in between us, growing more angry by the second. "You know I guess that is easier than facing the fact that you are a __**drug dealer**__ and it's ruining everything good in your life! Don't you dare push this on me."_

The bag that had been keeping my vision in darkness was suddenly pulled from my head, the rope that binned my wrists together were cut, and I was pushed down against the concrete floor. I couldn't help my body from shaking, aching and tensing against the cold pavement, the coughs I didn't know I was holding felt like a punch in the chest. My eyes had clenched closed just shortly after opening them- the lights were much to bright, and the walls were much to gray. Everything in this very room had the aroma of interrogation. I coughed for what seemed like hours, before finally the blood from my mouth spilled from my lips.

"_You knew exactly what you were getting into. I thought we were a team."_

My right arm clenched around my now small broken frame, with every move and touch my body ached. Everything seemed to be broken. Everything seemed to be out of place. Everything seemed to be going into no direction but one. Slowly, I allowed the darkness to wash over my eyes, slipping into endless slumber. _Team._


	2. Voices To Be Heard

Voices To Be Heard

Chapter Two

Piper Chapman.

Two Weeks Earlier

"Finally, something good!" I watched Rodrick get up from the stool he had been sitting in and immediately turn the little knob on the radio. When I could hear what was playing, I couldn't help but smile. "Are you serious?" I gave a rising brow, watching Rodrick turn around almost too smoothly. By then he was already bobbing his head and moving his body to the music.

_Do you remember the 21__st__ of September ? ~_

"Very serious." I shook my head, trying to suppress my laugh, but as I watched him dance and mouth the words to the chorus, I just couldn't help it.

_Ba de ya, say you remember.. Be de ya, dancing in September.. Be de ya, never was a cloudy day ~_

"And what are you laughing at!?" Rodrick yelled.

"You!" I yelled back in laughter.

"Now, now that's just mean." His grin carried to the both ends of his face, and I could tell he was happy. In moments like these, you had to live fully through them. Slowly, Rodrick made his way towards me; never ceasing the bobbing of his head or the way his body swayed. He was very tall, very slim and very muscular; he was the epitome of a man. He looked out of place, like he didn't fit with his full head of hair- tanned skin- and cheeky smile. In a small way, I felt we were the same, bound to be something out of our blood line. But instead we chose the rough sanded grounds of Iraq. "You, are going to dance with me." Rodrick grabbed both of my hands, pulling me from the stool and out under the blazing sun. "No-no-no-no."

_Ba de ya, say you remember.. Be de ya, dancing in September.. Be de ya, never was a cloudy day ~_

After many shakes of the head and "no's", I finally gave in. He twirled me around many times and we danced to the next few songs after the first. In those few moments and minutes, I had forgotten about the barb-wired fences that surrounded us, the completely isolated desert behind us, and our title as a Marine.

* * *

**Splash.** I felt the ice cold water biting at my wounded face, and it hurt that much more after my mouth parted; and I let out a few shuddered breaths. When I looked around the room, I spotted a man by the door holding the now empty bucket; he was fairly scrawny and I knew if I wasn't in the condition I was in, I could easily kill him. He muttered something under his breath before leaving the room, locking and closing the door after himself. _What was the point of the water?_

After spending more then a few uncomfortable minutes on the floor, drying and regaining what little sense I had; I finally tried to stand. With every groan and ache, I managed; feeling the weight on my broken bones to be the most excruciating pain anyone could have felt. With little strength I had, I walked across the room- back- then across again. I felt needed to get used to the pain if I had any chances of getting out. And with the hours and days that seemed to follow, the pain never went away.

* * *

3 Days. 3 Nights. 20 Hours Later.

When I heard the lock and the door creep open slowly, I knew it was only a matter of time before I felt the water penetrating my skin. And for as long as I can remember, it always happened like this; he would walk in, dump water on me, and walk away. It never changed, and it never stopped. The water felt like days, but the only problem with that idea was that it happened frequently. I was under the impression that it was a gesture to see if I was still alive. I couldn't understand why the possibility of me being alive mattered.

Today was going to be different, and I was hoping it would go the way I wanted it to. As I laid on the floor motionless, I made sure I appeared to be asleep, unconscious in the mans eyes; and if I succeeded, the water would be dumped on me. And just when I felt the sudden coldness, I knew I had succeeded of portraying to be asleep. Now, all I needed to do was appear vulnerable; and in doing so, I coughed and coughed again. Then, at this moment, he would feel in control and there was no worry. Much to my surprise, he didn't suspect a thing. He muttered something under his breath, and I couldn't understand the words much like the last few occasions, but I knew he was going to make his departure at that time. Peeking over my shoulder, I watched the man turn.

I quietly rose from my place the moment after the man had turned to walk out the door, and before he could reach the door-way my arms were already wrapped around his neck, and from there I dragged his unconscious body to the floor. I scavenged for any items that would help me in my attempt at an escape, and to my luck I found a fixed blade. A knife would do. It was an easily use able weapon, quick to hide, and quiet in combat. I then, ripped my current soaked desert-camo top off and took the man's black jacket, and slipping it on. Thankfully my body was small, and that he wore a size to big. I stood up to quickly, forgetting about the broken bones and lack of blood I had in my system, I fell back to the floor.

_You don't have much time. You can do this._ I took a few deep breaths before I made my way out the door, locking and closing it behind me. Having not killed the man, I knew he would be a problem later if I wasn't fast enough. The hallways I walked down seemed endless, and my time of escaping was diminishing within seconds. After having found no stairways, I figured this was only a one floor base; and there could only be two possible areas of escape. Through the back or through the front. Neither had been an option, considering I still didn't know what side of the building was the front or the back. I turned down a few corners quietly, checking before I would push past further, and I was extra careful towards what door I would go through. But just when I came around another corner I quickly hid back behind it, having noticed a man walking towards the direction I was about to come from. _He didn't see you. He didn't see you._

My breathing quieted down as I focused on his footsteps that clasped against the tiled floor. I had wanted to be ready on the exact time he would be present; and in just moments, I'm elbowing his chest and punching him to the ground. But with my lack of energy, the man quickly toppled back up, giving me a few hooks in return. It all seemed to happen so fast when he was grabbing the collar of the jacket and slamming my head against the wall. The minute my head came in contact with the stone, every little thing seemed to rummage together, and everything seemed to fall apart.

I immediately fell to the ground when the man let go of the jacket, and when I spotted the knife across the floor; I made a desperate attempt to crawl towards it. When I got close enough to reach for the blade I felt a firm boot falling over my hand- and in seconds was crushing my bones. I quickly turned to face the concreted floor, pressing my forehead to the cold ground as I held the scream that was boiling in my throat. After not getting a very impressed reaction from me, he tore away his foot and pulled me from the knife, then flipping me over so that I was on my back. I could feel his hands around my throat, squeezing and tightening with every struggle of movement I would soon give. My eyes continued to open and close a second right after the other, and by then I was desperately fighting for air and to remain conscious.

_ The knife, Piper. Reach for the knife. _I wasn't sure who's voice I heard, but as I lifted my arm above my head I tried to reach for the knife, and in doing so the man only squeezed his firm fingers around my throat harder. I could feel the tips of his fingers digging into my skin, he was getting anxious. And as I struggled to reach for the blade my vision was starting to blur, and I knew then I didn't have very much time left. Within those few moments of drifting off in to a much deeper place, and with the reality of death never seeming closer, I heard that voice again. _Just a few more inches, Piper! Reach!_

I felt completely insane for thinking someone was trying to keep me alive, but with the knife not visible to me; it was hard not to listen. I was hoping, praying that I would soon find it. Then, when the never ending floor against my finger tips vanished, I felt the end of the blade. I reached for it one last time before I gripped it into my palm. In some crazy way, I wanted to believe the man knew what was going to happen, because the tightness against my neck ceased; and within that second of realization I stabbed the left side of his throat, digging the blade into his skin before I let go. As he quickly released my neck to hold his own, I pushed him off of me and scurried away. I coughed, and then coughed again. _You did good. Really good. _"Shut-up.." I whispered in a shaky breath. Leaving the man behind, I ventured down the endless hallways once again. I didn't manage to get very far, or manage to find a way out; and in my defeat I sat down, leaning my back against the wall.

_You're not going to give up are you?_

"I thought I told you to shut-up." I spoke a loud this time, and I really didn't care about anything in that moment; or anything hearing me for that same matter.

_I know. But you need me right now._

"I don't think there is anything you can do." I felt insane once again for thinking someone was really talking to me, and I was only hoping it was just the lack of sleep. I sat there for a few long minutes waiting, but I was wondering what exactly I was waiting for. Slowly, my body started to relax and fall numb, and that's when I noticed the voice was gone. Soon I fell under, allowing the darkness to take over.

* * *

"Will you promise me something?" Rodrick spun me around, before pulling me back to him.

"What?" I asked quietly, returning the smile that he had plastered on his face. When he didn't answer right away, I became anxious. I wasn't sure if I was suppose to say more, or if the whole idea was a joke and he wasn't going to ask anything from me. After he spun me around again, I didn't come back to him, he came up from behind me and we swayed from there.

"Promise me, that you will always have my back."

* * *

**Roar. **I shot up at the sound of a chopper engine, and suddenly my heart was beating rapidly against my chest. "Chapman!" .. "Chapman!" .. "Chapman!" I felt someones hands against my shoulders, pushing me back down. "You need to relax, you're okay. You're okay!" When everything started to fall together, I was inside and on the floor of a chopper, covered in blankets with an IV in my vein and an oxygen mask on my face. Cautiously I laid back down, wondering how I went from endless hallways to the sound of chopper engines. And the thought only made the throb in my head worse.

It was almost like they sensed that I was in pain, because they spoke. "Chapman, you're going to okay, relax. You need to relax." When I looked up at the person who was trying to be reassuring, I caught a glimpse of Alex sitting at the end of the chopper, and I couldn't grasp the reality if this was really happening or not. Later, I would soon struggle with that very thing. When a light suddenly shined over the small compartment, Alex was no where to be seen. _I'm going crazy, absolutely crazy. _

When the chopper started to rise and we were finally in the air, they looked at me again; touching the IV patch on my skin. "We are going to get you safely home. I promise." At that last part, I could feel the sting in my eyes. I could feel the weight in my chest. I could feel the grief against my skin. _Rodrick._


	3. All At Once

All At Once

Chapter Three

Piper Chapman

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Slowly, I opened my eyes, blinking away the brightness of the room while my vision adjusted. Looking left then right, I wasn't entirely sure where I was. Then all at once, my vision became very blurry and the drowsiness washed over.

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Abruptly waking, I sat up quickly; looking around the room anxiously while my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. My chest rose and fell rapidly, and I was sure I was going to start hyperventilating really soon, but that's when the nurses rushed in.

"Breathe, Chapman. Breathe." One of the nurses sat on the side of the bed, gently rubbing the sides of my arms; there was the ache. "Breathe. You're okay. Lie down. Lie Down." In a matter of minutes, and then all at once, I fell under.

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

"How is she doing?"

"She is a survivor. I cannot say the same for the others."

"Have you ran tests? Will she?"

Then all at once, the darkness was suddenly to overwhelming.

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Awaking from my endless slumber, my head turned towards the rather loud beeping sound; and in doing so, I spotted a lady. She looked at me and gave a smile, but I couldn't bear to return the favor. "How are you feeling, Miss Chapman?" Her words took a strong turn with the throbbing of my head, and all I wanted to do then was make it go away. The nurse helped me sit up, and there wasn't even a second later before she was handing me a cup of water and two pills. She must of sensed that I was in pain. "These will help with your head. It must feel like a mess." I gave her a small nod before downing the pills and the water, returning them to her a moment later.

"I bet you are rather confused. I could give you the details if you'd like." In a little under an hour, I learned that a platoon had found me, loaded me onto a helicopter and flew me to the closest camp possible from Pyra. Then from there they dressed my wounds as much as they could before transporting me back to Germany, where I was being taken account for in the hospital on the grounds of my home-base. "You've been under anesthesia for four days." Later, I found out that I was kidnapped, and was missing in action over a course of a few days.

"Is there a reason why I cannot remember anything?" I had asked, but I wasn't given the answer right away. The nurse stood up from her stool and ventured over to the other side of the room. I watched her grab a file and walk back over to me, taking her seat. Suddenly, I was becoming very anxious.

"From your recent x-rays, it seems you took many jabs to your head; which is a common adversary to memory loss. Amnesia is the correct term." The nurse showed me the x-rays, and after seeing the many bones that I were broken and the amount of blood loss; I was lucky to have even woken up.

"Will I ever remember anything?"

"Some people do. It comes back to them, but with the shock and stress; I'm not so sure." She closed the file before continuing on. "Sometimes when you have a lot of pressure and you go through rough experiences, you force yourself not to remember, and you sometimes forget that you ever did that. Like a block. Although that isn't the case, you took a lot of blows to the head, Miss Chapman." Everything was beginning to be far to much to handle, it was to much information that was going everywhere but up.

"I think. I think I would like to rest more, if you don't mind."

"Of course. Let me know if you need anything." She placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled, and I couldn't help but shudder at the contact. When she left the room I allowed myself to lie back down. As I laid there, I stared up at the ceiling for what felt like hours, and as I constantly listened to the beeping off in the background; I only hoped that it would just stop, and that this was all just some fucked up dream. But it wasn't, and it never did.

* * *

After waking up in the hospital and learning about my condition, I spent the last three days getting used to moving around, pushing through the pain, and getting to know when my limit is. My bones continue to heal well, slowly but surely; being the less activity the better. Later, I was told I was being put on medical leave; and I would have to do weekly check ups to see if my condition was getting better or worse. I knew that the worst part was mostly psychological, and that in order to return to the field I needed to function properly without any mishaps or sudden hesitation in action. In two months, I would be able to take a test and that test would determine if my fourth tour was a go.

I stood outside, admiring the rain for all it's worth. I haven't witnessed rain in 12 months, the heat was always present where ever I was moved. "Rain and no heat, doesn't feel like home." Quickly turning my head, I was surprised to see Sgt. Thomas standing beside me. "How are you holding up, Piper?" Shoving my hands into my pockets, my eyes drifted back to the rain, to the sky.

"Holding."

"I want you to visit Dr. Keen today, before you leave."

"I've already visited many doctors, Sir."

"This one is a therapist, Piper. I want you to see him, and you will before you leave. No questions."

"Yes, Sir." I gave him a small nod as he walked away, and from then on, I knew this was only going to be the beginning.

* * *

I had walked into a small room with one wall painted purple and the rest were painted white; why a man would have chosen the color purple was beyond me, I didn't know. When I sat down on the long black sofa, I was reminded of a waiting room; with the only exception that the doctor was actually waiting for me. There, he sat; pen, notebook and all, patiently waiting for me to say something. In those first few minutes, I wasn't sure if I'd ever say anything; so I looked around the room more, admiring the abstract pictures that hung neatly. There was one painting that I couldn't draw my eyes from; it was of a river, and beyond that was a long line of tall buildings. I had imagined it being New York, and how I was reminded of home. "Beautiful, aren't they?" The man with the pen spoke, who I noticed was only gazing at me. I gave him a small nod, and he returned it with a smile.

"I bought them in London, beautiful little shop." He looked down, graciously opening his notebook and clicking his pen. I assumed that now he was going to ask his questions. That is how it worked, right? He asks a question, and I answer- then he takes notes onto a piece of paper. Were things really confidential?

"Miss Chapman, my name is Drew." When I didn't say anything, he waited with a smile, and when I nodded; he continued. "Sgt. Thomas, asked me if I could speak with you before you go on medical leave. Are you aware of this?" I nodded. Drew shifted in his seat while he crossed his right leg over his left. "Good. Now let's begin."

Over the next thirty minutes, Drew had asked me many broad questions; ( "How are you feeling today, Piper?" I'm well. "Are you sleeping?" When I can. "How is your hand?" Well. I'm healing. "Have you been eating?" Yes ) , and just after the last we had taken a small break. I wasn't sure why, considering we just sat there in silence. But I was sure it was a passing time for a breather, because his next questions weren't so easy to answer.

"Miss Chapman, I was told you are having trouble remembering certain things from your incident. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?" Drew was very patient with me, he never repeated the question, he never elaborated; he just waited. I felt the question was rather confusing, I wasn't sure what he was asking; because I couldn't remember there ever being an incident. "I just remember waking up in a gray room."

"And everything before that is blurry?"

"I cannot remember anything before that. Everything that happened after being in the gray room is blurry." I watched Drew write, it was silent again, and I was sure he was waiting for me to continue- to give any details, but I didn't have any.

"Do you have trouble sleeping? Waking up in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep, any sudden jolts- any of these?"

"Um. Yes." The silence had rolled it's way back in, and it was beginning to eat away at my sanity. I needed him to talk, to say something, to ask another question. I was tired of the constant writing. "Can I ask you a question?" Drew looked up from his lap, folding his hands- he gave me another one of his cheeky smiles.

"Yes, anything Piper. You are always welcome to." I wasn't sure what I was going to ask until the words came out of my mouth.

"What happened to my team?"

"You ran over a land mine, Piper. From recent checks, it toppled and there were no survivors." _Land mine. No survivors._ _It didn't make any sense._

_ "_I ran over a land mine? I killed my team?" I repeatedly shook my head, he may have sensed that I wasn't grasping the concept, that I don't ever remember driving.

"It wasn't your fault, Piper. These things happen, especially out there. Breathe. You need to breathe." The shaking of my head ceased, and I released a long breath that I hadn't been aware I was holding. None of what Drew had been talking about was making any sense to me, I found the whole idea of it was hard to believe. But how could I have been so sure, I couldn't remember a single thing. Then, that is when the headaches started.

_Rodrick kicks down the door and I sweep right passed him._

"Miss Chapman?" I closed my eyes, as my headache gets worse.

_I smiled, watching Rodrick's expression change after finding an empty liquor bottle in a drawer._

_ "_Piper." … "Piper." … "**Piper**" I opened my eyes and the throbbing of my head instantly went away. "Are you okay? Would you like some water?" Without paying attention to Drew, I stood up- suddenly feeling that I should leave. When I started walking towards the door, Drew stood up in front of me, holding up his hands.

"Miss Chapman, please sit down." I shook my head, trying to step pass him but he only moved in front of me again. "I know it is a lot to take in, but if I may suggest something before you leave. I think it is best if you went back home, and when I mean back home, I mean back to your family and friends. Back to Polly." _Polly._

_ "_I haven't seen or spoken to any of them in three years."

"I think it is best to start back up again. It will only help you in recovering. That is what you need to focus on, Piper, getting better." Shaking my head, I pushed past Drew- leaving behind the purple wall, abstract paintings, and his _stupid _pen.

* * *

**Two Days Later**

"So, the rumors were true. Piper Chapman is finally leaving after three years." Olivia, my roommate at the time, laid across her bed. I was folding what little clothes and accessories I had in to my backpack. There wasn't very much, so my old military climbing bag would suffice. Over the past couple of days I had made the decision to return to New York, to visit any friends or family that I still had. I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't miss any of them, I did, but the whole idea of coming back in need of recovering just didn't sit well.

"I'm sorry, Piper." Lifting my head up from my things, I stopped packing; but I didn't turn to look at Olivia, I just let her continue. "About your team. I wouldn't be able to hold my own, like you have been, especially with.." She paused. "Hearing about how long you have been away. I don't think I could function after that." After Olivia finished, she got up from her bed and left. I didn't look towards the door and I didn't continue packing, I just stood there in silence thinking about how Olivia was so wrong. I was struggling in every way possible, and holding my own is the farthest thing.

* * *

After many goodbyes and hugs from everyone back at camp, I was finally able to leave. I took a cab to Farlin Airport, the ride wasn't terrible; and it wasn't very long until I was going through security with my only carry on. There wasn't many things on my mind at the time, I didn't really want to think much about what I was doing. I was afraid I would change my decision, but I should have been more worried about the reactions I would get. As I sat down in one of the many chairs that stood before a vastly stretched out window, I thought about Polly. I thought about how she was doing, what she could be doing, if her and Pete were still together- but most importantly how insanely pissed she was going to be. One thing dragged to another and suddenly the thought about Drew knowing Polly came to mind. I had only ever remembered putting my parents and Cal on my list for if anything were to happen to me, but Polly; I never mentioned her to anyone.

"CALL FOR FLIGHT 180 TO NEW YORK- BOARDING NOW." The loud voice flushed my thoughts away, and in grabbing my bag I boarded flight 180.

* * *

Sitting on the right hand side of the plane, up next to the window, I kept my bag in between my legs on the floor. I then strapped on my seat belt and stared out of the window, as I waited for the plane to take off. For the past three years I have lived in Germany, never swaying far from the closest city to the camp; and only ever leaving when I had to serve. That is how it always had been since my first tour, and how it was always going to be; but now, I wasn't sure. At the end of the day, it would either be for the better or for the worst. I was hoping for the first.

"Hello there." Looking away from the window, I watched a short-haired man put his bag in the over head before slipping into the seat next to me. I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me, or if there was someone else; so, I didn't bother saying anything. Then he spoke again. "I'm Larry." He held out his hand and I returned the gesture. "Piper."

"When I saw you just now, I wanted to say thank you." Suddenly becoming very confused, I watched him struggle with his seat belt. I could tell he was nervous. He doesn't like planes, that was easily guessable.

"Thank you for your service." That's when all the confusion went away, I had forgotten about the uniform I had been wearing. _Now you can't even remember what you are wearing._ "I'm sorry, was I not suppose to say anything?"

"No, you're fine." After I gave him a smile, he returned it and I was only hoping that it would be the end to our small talk; and thankfully it was. For the rest of the flight, Larry didn't say anything more and I never looked away from the window. When we lifted off I watched the many green fields and small houses fade away as we flew over them, until the never ending blue waters were only visible. On mostly every flight, I was only ever reminded of Alex and our various different trips together. Through everything, I was never once disappointed by the background. We had traveled to the most exotic places, and did the most exotic things. When the sudden remembrance of Alex was beginning to deepen, I wanted her to slip away. Thinking of her never did any good; and it wasn't going to do any good now. But once the thought was re-kindled, the thought never seemed to go away.

All at once the throbbing of my head began, and the thought of Alex faded away. _Fuck_. Closing my eyes, my left hand gripped the end of the arm rest while I leaned my head down, resting the tip of my nose against my palm as I rubbed my temples continuously. **Flash**

_"Chapman! I don't think we will be able to make it up the next few floors."_

_ "_Are you okay?" Larry's voice. **Flash**

_Broken stairs and smoke was shown. Voices weren't clear. Actions weren't clear. Loud noises._

Suddenly when reality sunk in everything seemed to fade into black.

* * *

_ "Saddle up! We are going to Pyra." The boys and their laughter stopped, along with mine._

_ "Pyra, Sir? Isn't that a dead zone?" Clef spoke, sitting up from his chair and suddenly everything went silent. I had only heard of Pyra, it was a popular blood bath of a town- tall buildings that wouldn't last another a year or so._

_ "We are to be there by sunrise. Clear buildings three and four, sweep any unknowns and gather any valuable information about R.K. So saddle up. We leave in twenty."_

* * *

The sudden jolt of the plane landing made my body tense which caused my eyes to open quickly. Looking around, I suddenly became very confused; no one was panicking and nothing seemed to be wrong.

"Why are we landing?"

"We are here, in New York. You fell asleep. I'm surprised you slept through the whole flight."

"I don't understand."

"What, do you not remember?" Turning away from Larry, I looked out the window, noticing the many endless tall buildings and moody skies. I had no recollection of ever falling asleep, and the last thing I could remember was Alex and the intense headache that followed. For the next couple of minutes, I tried to regain my sanity and thought it was best to forget the little incident.

Finally when the plane was safely hooked to the terminal, and everyone was slowly making their way off, I stood and picked up my bag. Soon, Larry was gathering his belongings from the over head and making his way down the isle, and I only followed him after that. When I made it through the terminal and out in to the lobby, I watched Larry give a small wave while mouthing the words "it was a pleasure." I felt queasy about the whole thing, but it wasn't his fault I was loosing it.

Ten minutes passed and I was making my way down the long strip of gateways, stores, and indoor restaurants when I was suddenly bombarded many handshakes and smiles from various different people, that soon followed with "Thank you for serving for our country." Everyone was genuine and everything was heartfelt, but I was suddenly overwhelmed with the many gestures that I was becoming anxious. I wasn't used to any of it, and it made me feel like a visitor in my own home- on my home ground.

When the handshakes and smiles died down, I walked down a platform of stairs before making my way into a little store. Nothing seemed to look appetizing enough as I walked through the many rows of chips, candy bars, and other various things; so I only walked up to the cashier with only a bottle of water. After paying, I left the little store and made my way back on to the strip when suddenly I couldn't walk any further.

The moment they had spotted me, they stopped in their tracks; unable to move just like how I had been. I was sure I was going to drop the bottle I was currently holding.

Long black hair. Thick glasses. Green eyes.

"Piper..." she whispered.

"Alex..."


	4. Long Enough To Last Forever

Authors Note: I hope you all enjoy this quick update. I am very thankful for all the reviews, follows, and favorites. I look forward to reading every review as it gives me more drive to write. Thank you all again!

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Long Enough To Last Forever

Chapter Four

She was beautiful, in the most excruciating way. It was the way her dark flannel wasn't buttoned up the front, that her gray t-shirt was shown. It was the way her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows and her boots covered just above her ankles over her dark skin tight jeans. It was the way her blue ends were no longer present, and that her long hair laid restfully in front of her shoulders. It was like she hadn't aged one bit. She was beautiful, in the most excruciating way.

"Piper?" She walked towards me. It was increasingly heart-wrenching. How could I return the day she would be here. How could it have been in this very spot, at an unexpected time. I wanted her to vanish before me, to not be present, but so help me that I wanted her to stay all the same. There she stood, not to far but not to close in front of me, holding nothing but a bag around her shoulder. "You're here, right?" I watched her eyes carry over my body, and I could tell she was in shock just as much as I was.

"I'm here." I wanted nothing but to walk away, this was the highest awkward stand-still I have ever been in. I almost wanted to touch her, just to make sure she was real; but my body couldn't handle anymore physical contact with anyone. The recent hugs and handshakes were all that I could bare. "What are you wearing?" Alex asked, and I again for the second time felt stupid for not remembering my current appearance. How could I have thought she wouldn't notice.

"My uniform." I spoke softly, trying desperately to hide the certain hesitation in my voice. The grounds to this conversation were going in to uncharted territory, and I wasn't ready to share my differences. The old WASP-Y Piper was gone. I hoped she could see that, and I would not have to explain myself. "Are you fucking kidding me?" She gave a rather quick chuckle, changing the weight on to her heels as I watched her try to deny the inevitable. It seemed to be one thing that was still the same.

When her little moment was finished, I had already made the decision to leave. I no longer wanted to be apart of this unexpected charade. Just a second after I walked right past her, I was already feeling the current weight lifting from my shoulders; but all to soon, Alex was walking along side of me before stepping in front. "Piper, wait. That was stupid of me, I should have reacted differently."

"Clearly." I watched the look on her face soften, and it was painful to watch, but when I noticed she was staring directly in to my eyes; I pried mine from her. "I really need to go, Alex." I stared off to the side, watching about a dozen other people minding their own business. What time was it?

"Do you have a car waiting, or is there anyone here to pick you up?" Fixing my gaze back on Alex, I noticed a sudden look of hope on her face, and I was dreading my answer more in that moment. "No, I have neither."

"Good. Then I will give you a ride."

* * *

**Two Years Ago : Siberia**

**Mission : HALO Raven**

Hours before dawn, just 45,000 feet above Siberia, my platoon and I were waiting for our drop point. In under twenty minutes, I would be free diving off the back of the plane and landing on the floors of the unknown. Our mission was labeled HALO Raven, which stood for 'High Altitude Low Opening', and the Raven was code. Earlier my platoons Senior told us our current object and state on this trip, and before we were up in the air; I knew just above every right or wrong turn possible. Yesterday was considered an easy day, so on and so on. "Chapman, looking a little nervous there!" Clef's voice screeched in my ear. I was sitting in the spot next to him for most of the flight, he was a funny guy. Clef knew when it was time for jokes and when it was time to be serious; he was an easy man to get along with. Glancing over at him, I shook my head. "Can you talk any louder!?" He laughed, making the screeching in my ear grow more painful.

Through the overhead speaker, the flight man spoke, "Two Minutes till' drop."

"Masks on." Micheal, our captain rang calmly, and soon the screeching was no longer an issue. Quickly, I slipped the mask over my mouth and face clipping it to the other side; and my goggles soon followed. I stood, along with my fellow platoon, we made our way towards the end of the plane. Closing up on one minute, the end crept open slowly. I was never nervous upon waiting for that red light at the end to turn green. I was never nervous when it came to jumping out of that plane and free falling 45,000 feet until you were low enough to pop open your chute. I was never nervous. I was never hesitant.

When each member reached the ground and let loose their chute's, we tore off our masks- our helmets and our goggles; and we shredded the heavy weight that carried upon our shoulders. Soon we were green and suited up; loaded with ammo and our pieces. "Z-Tec we are on foot, current objective is a go." Micheal, rasped in his mic. After that piece of information towards our flight, we stiffed through a field of tall grass before coming up to the first bit of a forest. Once we reached mid-way, Micheal held up his hand and we all gathered on one knee.

We waited in the same position for over an hour, and we were waiting for sunrise before we moved any closer to our destination. Our current objective was to find Sanchez De' Marco, and capture him. Later, we found out he only played a small part in leading us to R.K. My platoon and I were only hoping we'd find De' Marco here, and that it was a clean sweep; little fire. But that was never the case. No one ever expected to go on a mission and not get any action. In a small way, we all craved that adrenaline, but we never missed it after it was finished. We were all fighting for one thing, to go home.

Just minutes before sunrise we began our trail up a steel hill before stopped just edges before the top. We all knelled yet again with the only exception that Micheal and Sam were peaking over the top, getting a good over head look at our current objective. "Not many. Three, four at most. T- in two, Chapman, Clef, JJ and Rodrick. Go get him."

We never spoke after leaving Micheal and Sam behind, Sam was our sniper; he looked out for any vehicles and take out anyone in our way quietly. Micheal stayed back and called the shots, keeping contact with Z-Tec if anything were to go wrong. Calling for backup was always on stand-by. Rodrick was our lead and I followed close behind, then Clef and JJ. When we came up to the shack of a house, Rodrick stopped at the corner while I pushed second then Clef and JJ towards the door. Upon opening that first door, the rest went smoothly. Every corner, room or door; we always tapped each other shoulders that it was good to go or that the room was clear. Every spot never went UN-noticed, we always had our eyes everywhere. We were never to loud and always quick in hearing. You had to be. You needed to be.

Suddenly, when the first shots were fired; all the adrenaline came rushing. Rodrick and I took cover on the opposite side of JJ and Clef, knowing it was best to wait until we could hear the fire stop before acting. "Down hall way, down hallway!" Everything and anything was happening all at once. We quickly moved down the hallway, shooting anyone that poked their little heads out. They never got a shot off after being spotted. "CLEAR" Rodrick spoke after the end of the hallway was secure, JJ and Clef then followed before going on a head while we watched behind.

"MOVE." I rounded in front of Rodrick, keeping my m-4 held steady in front of my face. But before Rodrick and I could round the corner with JJ and Clef, shots were already being fired and Clef then fell to the ground.

A rush is what you could call it; when suddenly everything in your body is forcefully pushing and your mind is telling you not to think, just do. When I watched Clef being shot down, I wanted nothing in that moment but to switch places. You worry about the person next to you. I quickly acted, chasing around that corner and firing at the man by the door while JJ peeked over from a desk and killed the other. I then rushed over to Clef, moving my gun around my shoulder, I hooked my shoulders under his and dragged him behind a wall.

"Clef.. Clef.. Clef can you hear me!?" I dropped to my knees beside him before I was gently hitting the side of his face. "Clef.. I need you to stay awake. Come on buddy." I moved my hands over the current wound in his chest and I held that pressure there. Within seconds I could feel my gloves begin to soak. Rodrick and JJ hovered, and the current object was not finished. You carried on.

"Rodrick, go! I got this. GO!" Rodrick nodded and JJ followed behind him, leaving Clef and I alone in the hallway.

"Micheal, Clef is down. I repeat Clef is down." I UN-held the button, returning my hand to Clefs face; he was fighting to keep his eyes open. All I wanted was for him to stay awake. I wasn't going to loose a member. "Clef, you need to stay with me."

Ten minutes later, Micheal showed up and helped me carry Clef out; he was still holding out and for that I was thankful. A rally point team came early, clearing out the rest of the camp. Clef was put in to one of the cars and taken to the rondevu point for wound dressing. I only hoped he would make it. He deserved at least that. Rodrick and JJ cleared the rest of the building, and in doing Sanchez De' Marco was captured. When we were loaded up in to a jeep, everyone was quiet; nothing needed to be said and there wasn't anything else we could do. Yesterday was easy, and tomorrow always seemed like miles away.

* * *

"Where are you coming from?" Sitting the in the passengers seat of Alex's car, I wasn't the least bit happy. I was never very good at saying no to Alex. She always had the witty charm, and it seems like she still had it. I was suddenly feeling very pathetic for not being able to walk away. We hadn't spoken much after I told her where my apartment was and I was thankful it wasn't to far. I was silently hoping she wouldn't talk to me, much as questions. I have been asked far to many questions. But when she asked the first question, I was suddenly quick to answer.

"Germany." I said and she turned to give me the most confused look of the century. She was waiting for details. The only thing about that was, I wasn't going to give any.

"Only Germany?" Another question.

"The one and only, Alex." She chuckled at my sarcasm. Her laugh was far to much because the creasing in my face started to rise and I was dreading the moment that I would ever smile.

"Okay. What are you?" Her smiled never fell, and in that moment she seemed like the brightest women. I was only confused by this, and her actions on confused me more. She was being nice. Overly nice by asking questions. Was

she really interested in my life?

"I'm a Marine." I spoke softly, as turned my head to look out the window and away from Alex's smile.

"How long?" The car got quiet and I couldn't bare to answer another one of her questions, so I finally said; "Alex, please, I really don't want to talk about it. I just want to get home. I want to change. I want things to stop hurting." The last bit slipped off my tongue and I soon regretting the decision to open my mouth. _Fuck_.

"I'm sorry. I'll drop it, but hey.. look at that." Alex pointed off to the side of the road and before I could catch a

glimpse of it, I was already clenching my eyes closed.

_"Chapman! Looky Looky!" I took a step back turning in Rodrick's direction._

I tried hard focusing on the sudden throbbing of my head. I suddenly felt the urge to bash my head through a wall.

_I shifted my gun around my shoulder before I opened the very top drawer._

"Piper, this is place right?" The car stops.

_Going through the next two doors below the first._

"Piper?" The moment I felt the warm touch on my shoulder everything stopped. When I felt no throb, no pain; I was beginning to wonder if the sudden headache was even there to begin with. I glanced up at Alex, before looking around the area and noticing the building my apartment was in. It didn't look like much, very modern and small. A very good price in short notice.

I shrugged out of Alex's touch and motioned my way out of the car, giving her a nod. She seem to take it as my answer because she didn't say anything more. I swung my arm through the strap of my bag and wondered if I should say goodbye or leave my nod as it was. But before I could even think of what to do, Alex was already stepping out of the car and coming around to the front.

"Piper, have lunch with me tomorrow." I was taken a back by her sudden invitation. Lunch? Tomorrow? With Alex? I was considerably overwhelmed by this women before me.

"Alex, I'm not so sure." I was quick to say. She wasn't going to get her way this time.

"After tomorrow, you won't have to see me again. Just lunch." Alex held her hands up in a way of saying 'I promise', but I wasn't as easily fooled as she may have thought.

"Good. I will be here by 11:30 to pick you up." Shaking my head, I took a few steps towards her before turning towards the car.

"Alex. No. You-" Before I could finish, she was already sliding in to the front seat and making her way down the road. After one unexpected meeting, after one drive, she suddenly thinks everything is all well. I fell silent in the next couple of minutes, staring blankly down the road she just left down. The feeling of anxiousness was overpowering and suddenly I was thinking of tomorrow.

I was suddenly thinking about the way her dark flannel wasn't buttoned up the front, that her gray t-shirt was shown. The way her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows and her boots covered just above her ankles over her dark skin tight jeans. The way her blue ends were no longer present, and that her long hair laid restfully in front of her shoulders. The way she hadn't aged one bit. And I knew that if she never came tomorrow, I would remember how she was just then. Beautiful, in the most excruciating way possible.


	5. Sudden Revelations

Authors Note: I have been debating for about a week now if I should write an Alex Pov. I am sort of leaning towards doing so, but I'm not entirely sure. I may swing one in there but I cannot guaranty that an Alex Pov will happen a lot, considering this is mainly Piper's Pov, as it is suppose to be. But I thought I'd ask what you all thought about it, and see where it goes.

Thank you for the favorites, follows and reviews! Very much appreciated. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.  
Let me know what you think.

* * *

Sudden Revelations

Chapter Five

**Piper Chapman.**

My apartment was much to large and much to clean; every wall was white, which also included the polished tiled floors. Everything about the place screamed perfection, minus the one who is now living in it. For however long that may be, I wasn't sure. The apartment had been given furnished, and I couldn't remember ever reading that I was given the option of choosing, which is why the apartment was that much more expensive. But money wasn't the problem, that was considering I had more money then I would ever know what to do with. Since moving to Germany and being enlisted, I had never spent more then ten dollars at a time; it was the only occasional coffee or sandwich from a local shop that had ever made me draw money from my pocket. Money was the least of your problems on the field.

Even if the living room and bedroom had it's necessities, along with the kitchen, the apartment seemed much to empty. I had no food in the fridge, no cups or plates in the cupboard, no silverware in the drawers, and no books to fill the shelves. There were no pictures to be put up or paintings to be hung, all I really had was clothing and soaps. That was all I ever needed. When I had checked the bedroom, there was only a bed and a side table with just a small dresser on the opposite side; there wasn't a pillow, sheet or blanket on the mattress. In a small way, I felt that I was moving out, rather then moving in.

After having a good look over the apartment, I had taken a shower and changed out of my uniform before then settling on getting dinner. I had found a small Mexican place not far from the apartment, and the walk had been refreshing; minus the occasional ache or two. When I returned with my food, I had ate in silence at the table; and after cleaning up my mess, I had settled out on to the patio, leaning over the steel bars that wrapped around the small area. It was a good sized patio that carried a small table and two chairs. I had spent the next few hours watching many people stroll up and down the sidewalk, while an occasional car or two drove down the street.

The low breeze that carried through felt like heaven, but it was easy to say as much; because anything with less heat and less gunfire was considered heaven. When the breeze followed through, so did the noise, and I knew that was only just the beginning. I had moved back to a city that never sleeps, and sleep is what my body desperately needed. I checked the time on my watch, 9:35pm, only it felt much later- Germany it is 3:35 in the morning. The time change wasn't going to take much getting used to; I never slept more then four or five hours a night- six if my body and mind were feeling extremely generous. But that didn't excuse the night terrors, which happens more often then none. In the beginning when they started, I had asked around and found that it was common in war. Sometimes you just can't come back, and when you've seen the worst, the worst stays with you.

Out on the battlefield, when suddenly everything falls to pieces; the only thing you hoped for was to be able to see the light of tomorrow, but in a very broad way, you knew that tomorrow might never come. That was the reality of it all, and I had to embrace it. All the places you wanted to visit, the things you wanted to do, the food you were thinking of trying, or the words you wished to tell your loved ones, never seems more important then when you are faced with the sudden reality that it all might go away. But out there, those thoughts were only a distraction; and before every tour, you made sure you left those distractions back at home.

In a mere matter of seconds, I was suddenly thinking of tomorrow; and how if tomorrow came, Alex might too. I was incredibly overwhelmed with hope, and it was beginning to make me sick. Hope, was only bound to bring disappointment. Alex, was only bound to bring disappointment. I, was only bound to bring disappointment. And to say the least, I wasn't ready for all that disappointment.

I leaned my head down, bringing my hands to cup around my face while my elbows rested a top the bars. I gave a small sigh, and began shaking my head; the throbbing was only beginning, feeling refreshed and ready to cause a ruckus. _"Alex, please, I really don't want to talk about it. I just want to get home. I want to change. I want things to stop hurting."_

"Out of all the things to say, Piper, you just had to let that one slip." I spoke aloud, not caring if anyone had heard.

Lifting my head up, I crossed my arms and continued to lean against the railing.

I knew that by being in the presence of Alex, things were going to slip no matter what. That was the effect she had on people. She held the _'you can tell me anything'_ aura, and you'd feel safe talking to her about it; even if she never really wanted to know in the first place. Alex, also had the ability to know when you were lying, or she at least knew when I wasn't being fully honest. Which now I had to be extra careful of, since my certain revelations. I knew that if tomorrow came, and she showed, she was going to ask again. Alex wasn't going to let it go, she never did, and if she did now- well, it would be something entirely knew.

Tilting my head to the side, I focused on Alex's tone of voice and her sudden interest in me from our recent car ride. She was being extremely nice by offering, and then persisting that I'd let her, but it was her sudden interest in my life and lunch invitation that was beginning to nag at me; so I decided to stop before I was left with more questions. The feeling of guilt washed over me, and I knew I had no right to know what her goal was. I was only hoping, again, that her lunch invitation was only a splurge of the moment.

Leaning away from the railing, I motioned back in to my apartment; leaving every thought I had outside. In closing the sliding door and turning the lock, I walked over to the couch and sat down. Removing the watch on my wrist, I rested it on the class coffee table before lying down along the couch. The cushions were extremely soft, and the endless slumber that began to knock, took me away.

**Eyes close.**

* * *

I was sitting on the far side of the couch, turned to where my back was pressed up against the arm rest; while my legs restfully laid across Alex's lap. She was sitting the middle, with her legs stretched out over and a top of the coffee table. We were in our comfy clothes, currently spending the late night reading different books. Alex had hers, and I had mine. It was bliss. It was comforting.

Every now and then I would sneak little glances over my book towards Alex. I found her more beautiful in that moment then any other; she was so intrigued with the contents inside, that she had that _look _on her face. The one you only dreamed of someone looking at you in that way. The one that tells you in itself that _'I am only looking at you'_. By the end of the night, you only hoped you were that book.

"Stop staring." A smile tugged at the edge of her lips and I immediately drew my eyes away from her, returning to my book.

"I was doing no such thing." I tried to hide the smile that desperately wanted to show, but I didn't put on much of a fight when I caught another glimpse of her_ 'famous'_ smirk.

"Uh-Huh, sure." I watched her nod and then close her book, setting it off to the side. When she turned her head towards me, my eyes returned to the contents within the book, and I pretended to read a few lines. But a sudden distraction was starting to break it's way through, Alex was beginning to run her fingers along my legs; one by one the tips glided against my skin. I couldn't control the shivers in that moment, everything was beginning to tingle.

"Alex. Read your book." I said quickly, only I didn't really want her to read her book; and she knew that. She always knew that.

"There are far more better things to do." She rasped out, it was silky and smooth; and her voice had touched more places then one.

"Like. What?" I managed to choke out, although I kept my eyes glued on the book; knowing that if I so much as glanced up, the book would be completely useless. It was the only thing keeping me sane. But I really wanted to play.

"Mn. Like discover you." I felt Alex shift, turning her body towards me, as she slide on top of me. I was suddenly holding on to what little fight I had, although there hadn't been much to begin with. I just loved when she was like this. When my body laid restfully beneath her, tingling in all the right places, I watched her take the book from my hands and toss it on the floor.

"That was rude." I gave a pout, staring up into those lush green eyes behind those rather thick glasses. Alex gave a quick smile, just before her lips were lightly trailing my neck.

"Can I make it up to you?" I struggled beneath her, as her voice rippled against my skin; she was always so exhilarating.

"No." Alex quickly leaned back, fixing her eyes on mine; she gave me a glare. In that moment, I couldn't control the laugh and the smile that fell over my face; which made Alex smile all the more.

"That is how you want to play?" Alex's brows lite up, just before her bottom lip slipped beneath her top for only a moment. I couldn't tell you a more sexier thing she could have done, because she just topped it all. In just seconds, after I had given her a playful nod, she immediately started to tickle all of the places she knew; and she knew them all. I couldn't control the laughter after that, mine had mixed with hers; and by then I was struggling to move from her grasp.

"Alex.." I continued on laughing.

* * *

**Eyes open.**

Staring straight up at the ceiling, my body was in the same position it was in since the moment I had fallen asleep. Turning my head to the left, I stared out the vastly tall windows. There were no lights on in my apartment, and the only glow came from the moon. It was still dark. I reached over towards the coffee table, and in doing so I picked up my watch and looked at the time.

**4AM**

A sigh fell, and I was relieved that I had indeed fallen asleep. Even if it was only a short amount of time, some was better then none. I then got up, knowing it would have been impossible for me to fall back asleep; I walked over to the bedroom and decided to dig out some work out materials from my bag. Early morning workouts were always a must, but my usual routine had taken it's toil after ending up in the hospital.

Returning from the bedroom wearing nothing but a workout bra and black leggings, with a pair of gray Nike's. Upon reaching the living room, I had managed to push the coffee table out of the way; which now the empty space provided a good clearing of the rug. Later, I knew buying a mat would be best.

After an hour passed, I managed to do 20 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, and 20 mountain climbers; I also managed to stretch before and after the little workout. Settling on my knees with my hands planted against the floor, I tried to regain my strength, feeling I may have pushed myself to far. Anytime before the incident, this _small_ workout would seem like child's play; but now it was far to much to handle. My body ached in more places then one, and my ribs were stressing the deep in takes of breath. My ribs had taken a good beating, and I had discovered at the hospital that two of them were broken.

As the sweat dripped from my face to the floor, every second felt like eternity and I was soon fighting the headache that came. The thought I was going to start hyperventilating forced it's way through, but in just under a couple of minutes, I managed to calm myself down. Then the quick decision of taking it easy for the rest of the day settled in.

When the next hour followed, I had folded all of the clothes that I had and put them in the small dresser. The last drawer only contained my uniform and boots. I felt it would be best if it were that way- out of sight, on the bottom. I vowed then, that until I had to leave, I wouldn't open that drawer. It was better that way. After I had finished, I managed to take a long warm shower, which had numbed the ache in my muscles and I felt grateful that the pain was now gone; for now, anyway.

The minute I was feeling hungry, I settled on getting breakfast. I was soon dreading the walk I would have to do, I had just gotten rid of the ache and in only a minute, it was all rushing back. When leaving the apartment and returning not only an hour later, I had already finished a cup of coffee and a bagel. Everything else seemed dis-tasting, and everything being; eggs, bacon, pancakes, french toast, sandwich, etc. All breakfast foods seemed dis-tasting. My appetite had grown little after eating canned foods, and snacks that only came in sealed packages.

I had stopped at a store along the way, buying a few water bottles and some apples; I didn't want to carry much, the walk was dreadful and the extra weight wasn't going to make it any less dreadful. When I finished putting the water bottles in the fridge along with the apples, I took a seat outside on the patio, curling my legs up to my chest.

* * *

**Two Hours Later**

Curled up on the patio, my arms hung around my legs loosely, while my bare feet rested against the edge of the table before me. I was content in that moment, and for the first time in a while, I was enjoying it. Sitting for long periods of time, doing absolutely nothing, wasn't difficult. I never had the urge to get up, to move, or switch positions. I learned in the past three years that staying still might actually save your life, and it did more then once. I couldn't say the same for others who never experienced that.

**Honk**.

In the past two hours, the sound of a car was never heard, until now. I didn't think anything of it, until I heard the car door and the sound of the car locking itself; by then I was already getting up and walking over to the railing. The moment I looked down, I regretted getting up, because she was there; looking up with that charming smile plastered on her face.

"Alex." I squinted my eyes, and feeling absolutely stupid, because I already knew who it was.

"Piper!" She yelled, touching the side of her glasses. "What floor and what number!?"

The thought of her coming in to my apartment was all to much, and trying to talk myself out of going to lunch wasn't going to work out; she had me, right then and there. I was suddenly feeling increasingly anxious, but not in the least bit good. "I'll just come down, give a minute." Before I could let her respond, I was already making my way back into my apartment. I gathered my wallet and sun-glasses before slipping on a black pear of sneakers. Just when I headed out the door, locking it behind me; I then gathered my hair and put it up in a messy bun. My current appeal wasn't much; skin tight jeans and a gray sweater.

When I walked out on to the side walk, I stopped in my tracks. There she was, beautiful like she had been the day before, in the most excruciating way possible. I shoved the thought away and walked up to her. Alex was leaning against the hood of the car.

"I was beginning to think you were never going to come down." Alex spoke.

"And I was hoping that it was just a splurge of the moment." I said a loud, stopping in front of the passenger side door. The feeling of idiocy rained over. _There you go again._

"I'm not following." She gave me a confused look, and I was then thankful she didn't catch on.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Where are we going?" I quickly changed the subject.

"No where big, just get into the car." The moment I reached for the handle, Alex had already leaned off the car and rushed over; then opening the door for me. _What the?_

"After you." My confusion in this moment, blew through the roof and I knew the moment I had gotten into that car, Alex would only confuse me more.

The first five minutes were complete silence, and I felt it was because neither of us knew what to say. And with each passing quiet moment, I was growing desperate to ask her what the hell was going on. But I knew I couldn't, at least not yet.

"How long have you lived in that apartment?" It was a simple question, I'll give her that. Although it was a pretty smart move to get a better look at how long I've been away.

"A total of 19 hours." When I caught glimpses of Alex out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the expression on her face that told you she was interested.

"What happened to your old apartment? I thought you loved it." The idea of loving something seemed unreal, like a fantasy that was far-far away. I do not ever remember a time that I had said I loved something in the past three years. This sudden thought grew saddening very quickly.

"I sold it years ago." I managed to say, but this revelation only sparked more questions.

"Have you been living with your parents since?"

"Pull over." I asked quietly, hoping that she would. The air was suddenly becoming to thin to breathe.

"What, why?" She gazed at me, confused.

"I said pull over." I breathed out, gripping the sleeves of my sweater.

"We are on the freeway, I'm not going to just pull over, Piper."

"Alex, I said pull the fuck over!" Turning, I gave her a hard glare and in just seconds Alex was pulling over on to the side of the freeway.

The minute the car stopped, I shuffled out, shutting the door behind me. "Piper!" Alex soon followed and ran around the front. "What is your problem!?" Later, I would soon regret pulling over.

I turned around to face her. "Why are you being so nice?"

"What are you talking about?" Alex scoffed.

"You know damn well Alex, stop playing dumb."

"Look, Piper." Alex sighed, and I wasn't sure if she was becoming vulnerable or angry. "I just wanted to catch up, that's all."

"I don't believe that." I shook my head. Did she think I was stupid?

"You don't believe that? Why doesn't that surprise me." Alex rolled her eyes and touched the top of her glasses.

"Excuse me?" I questioned.

"You heard me. I should be the one not believing you! It shouldn't be the other way around! I wasn't the one who left!" Alex yelled, she was becoming tense.

The cars that continued to fly past us had grown louder and I felt myself zoning out of the conversation. And when Alex would talk, her voice would topple over the noise and it just made the whole thing that much worse; that's when the throbbing began.

"Alex. Stop." I whispered.

"I haven't seen you in three years! So, of course when I saw you I couldn't let you walk away!" Alex rambled.

"Please.." My headache grew more intense and suddenly I was beginning to see the **light flashes**.

_A cloth like bag was thrown over my head while my hands were tied roughly in front of me._

"I wanted to know how you were doing! Is that so wrong!?" Continuous yelling.

"Alex.." Clenching my eyes closed, I brought my hands to the side of my head; gripping. **Flash.**

_"MOVE!" I impacted the floor roughly, a few coughs were given, before the unknown man began to kick at my side. Rib after rib bruised._

"Piper..." The loud noises grew over her voice, she was becoming distant when I fell to the floor on my knees. **Flash.**

_I was picked up and then made to kneel. The cloth was ripped off before the jabs were thrown. Punch after punch I felt the blood trickling down my lips, down my nose, and down the side of my face._

I could no longer understand what was happening, everything felt so real and so new; like everything was happening all at once, in two different area's; but that wasn't possible.

"Piper" **Flash.**

"_**Stupid girl." Contact.**_

"Piper, are you listening to me?" **Flash.**

"_**You were lucky." Jab.**_

"P...i...pes.." **Flash.**

_**Last punch to the cheek before falling over on to my side. "He won't like it, you, but that's what he'll get..." Sudden blurriness.**_

"Piper!"


	6. Tonight It Burns Like A Fire

Tonight It Burns Like A fire

Chapter Six

**Two Years Ago – Objective meeting**

**In T-Minus Five hours till loading.**

Closed off by green tarps, my team and I were gathered around a small area, awaiting our current orders. I had been stationed in Afghan at the time, off in a base along Kojak'; there I would spend the next few months, either on base protection or out on the field. No matter what, watch was a twenty-four seven reality.

"Listen up ladies!" Staff Sargent Nave, entered behind the tarp, coming to stand behind a desk. I watched him toss the file on to it before turning around and writing on the white board. This is where our strategies and pin-points would be placed.

"The only lady here is Chapman, Sir!" Clef was already laughing, and soon the others followed. I couldn't fight the smile, but I shoved him to the side anyway.

"The only lady that will be kicking your ass!" I remarked with a grin, and his smile just broadened.

"Enough Kids!" Nave turned around, and all the laughing ceased; with nothing more to be said.

"You were asked to be here for a confidential meeting, no platoons- no other guards will be told this, understand?"

Everyone in the room obliged with a "Yes, Sir.", but I could barely choke it out. I was more focused on the piece of information that couldn't be shared with other people on the field, it rarely was like that; and I only seemed to notice the UN-familiarity.

"Good. Let's move on." Nave picked up his file and began.

In the next two hours to come, we had learned about a man who went by the name R.K; a current ring leader of a group known as "Jovian". R.K, as Staff Sgt. Nave said, was "not to be taken lightly." Just last week, R.K's group raided "Levee" and in doing so, killing a platoon of Marines, and later we learned that another two plat's were killed in the beginning of the month. _How were we so easily taken down?_

R.K, is all that we know; his current name or last name are still unknown. His objectives are still unknown, and where he was hiding are still unknown. There was not a picture, voice or real known evidence relating to R.K; just words and actions. Which we still were unclear if he was present in those raids at that time. All of it was becoming strange, in such a short period of time. We were learning about someone who we weren't sure even existed.

When we rounded towards the end of our learning's about R.K, we were then left to ask questions. Open for discussion was the proper term. But not many of us asked, and if I had known that we were just another platoon waiting to be slaughtered, like we were next in line, I probably would of asked questions.

"Levee' is a heavily sustained area, we haven't been able to cross any line over Kojak'. Your objective is to take back that town, we need that space, and we need it as soon as possible." For what, he didn't explain. "Captain Micheal, your team will rondevo on the floor with platoon Andy and Salvo. I want minimum, to no casualties. Do you understand?"

We all gave a strong, "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Marines, if you so much as hear R.K from anyone; I want them back here, in one piece. Fully functional. I want this damn bastard, you hear me?"

Again, "Yes Sir."

"Now gear up. Chopper leaves in t-minus three hours." Staff Sargent Nave then left the room, taking his file along with him. We all stood up from our seats and began making our way out, and even after everything; I was still wondering what was really in that file, and if there really was anything in there to begin with.

* * *

**Present Day**

There wasn't a sound, I heard nothing- there was nothing to hear. When my head shifted slowly, as did my fingers and toes, my eyes creased open- adjusting to the bright lights above. The air was cool, but the atmosphere smelt clean; I was in the hospital. I knew the familiarity all to well. Looking away from the ceiling, I managed to glance around the room- from one side to the door and then to the other side. That's when I spotted the dark figure sitting beside me. My vision had taken it's time to fully grasp reality. She was here.

"Alex." I whispered. I then watched her head glance up in a rush, before she was closing the book I failed to notice she had been reading. _How long have I been here? How long has she been sitting there?_

"Hey. How are you feeling?" She asked quietly, in a smooth tone.

"How long have I been here?" I didn't ignore her question because I didn't feel like telling her, I just really didn't know how I was feeling.

"About a couple hours. Are you going to explain to me what happened out there?" Alex put her book on the stand beside the bed, and before I could answer, the air was filling with vulnerability; and that was all to unpleasant. I wasn't ready to be vulnerable, no matter how much I looked the part, I couldn't. I shouldn't. It wasn't in my job description. It couldn't be done.

I allowed her question to settle in silence while I made a desperate attempt to sit up, but in quick movement, Alex had gotten up and told me to lie back down. I did as I was told, and in just second she was pressing a little button on a remote that lifted the back of my bed up. I was then sitting. "Thank you."

"Piper. Why didn't you tell me about all of this?" There was that look. The look of worry and sympathy. I wanted none of it from her, no matter how much you craved that comfort- it just didn't feel real anymore to receive it. I felt alone, in a shell, and unbalanced. The weight of not remembering why or how is taking it's toil._ How could you explain to someone, something you aren't fully aware happened? Or if it happened at all._

"It wasn't something to tell." I whispered, staring at her, feeling more cautious then ever with my words.

"God, Piper. You have two broken ribs, fractured bones, and a serious head injury which all appear to be healing; and you failed to mention it because it wasn't something you just tell? That's bullshit."

Alex was becoming tense, but I knew she didn't want to fight anymore then I did. She tried her best in hiding the worry on her face, you could only hide so much behind a pair of glasses. "How did you know about that?"

"The nurse told me. I had to tell her about your little stunt, and apparently you are suppose to be taking it fairly easy. How is that going by the way?" Alex mocked, she was trying to hide again; just like I was.

"I thought that was confidential." There had to be something about that along those lines.

"Cut the crap. I'm done with the wrap around."

"I'm fucked up, Alex." I whispered, allowing the weight on my shoulders to increase. I could no longer handle it. "This, this is just a small part to just how fucked up I am; more then I was before." I paused, giving a sigh and suddenly the sadness was washing over my voice. "I am already struggling with having to see my parents, to see Polly; I can't." I swallowed, struggling for words. "I can't bring you in to all of this."

"So you just want me to walk away?"

"I'm sorry." I watched the look of hope on her face wash away, along with all the worry; that's when she drew the line of vulnerability. I was beginning to wonder if she knew that.

"Fine." Alex dully said, before standing up from her chair and walking towards the door. She was gone before I could even register the amount of weight lifting from my shoulders.

I then closed my eyes, sulking in silence.

* * *

The wait to be released from the hospital wasn't bad, considering there wasn't much they could do; it was easy enough to let me go. After Alex had left I didn't do much, but ponder if I had done the right thing. When I had walked outside, I was standing along the side walk, looking for a cab before I waved one down. Soon, I was hopping in to the back and telling the man where my apartment was. The ride there was going to be terrible. The feeling of being suffocated in small places was now known, and all I wanted to do was get out of the car the moment I hopped in.

When I turned my head to glance out the window, I decided to distract myself by watching the many people walking along the side, while glancing at the many shops and restaurants we would pass right by. Lunch and the thought of Alex crept it's way in and soon there was no stopping it.

In the past three years, I would never allow myself to think about Alex longer then a few seconds; I would never allow myself to think of my family or Polly for that matter, too. But with Alex, even if she wasn't near you; she somehow still managed to wrap herself around you. And there she was, whisking her way back in to my life slowly; whether she knew it or not. I had hoped she didn't. The weight on my shoulders increased, and suddenly I was feeling regret. I was beginning to wish I hadn't let her walk away, to leave. But the feeling was a selfish one, I knew that. I did what I had to do. But that was the problem, right?

I was loosing the ability to live. I was loosing the ability to be vulnerable, to be presented powerless. I was slowly loosing the ability to receive comfort. I felt the nature of it all was slipping away, and I was slowly loosing myself in between everything. For all it's worth, I knew deep down that Alex deserved what truth I could give. She deserved at least that. But for the past three years, the truth was being hammered down constantly, and the jest of it all ended up in a file labeled as "Classified".

A sigh fell passed my lips, and everything was increasingly saddening. I tried to shove the thoughts away, I needed my space, but in the tiny confines of the taxi, space was hard to find.

* * *

10:20pm – 4 years ago

Alex and I had been in bed for about an hour now, comfortably under the covers, while we just stared at each other. Every time I caught her eyes on mine, I couldn't help but feel I was looking in to them for the first time. In that moment, I would do anything and everything for her.

"Do you like what you see?" She rasped out.

"I love what I see, yes." I whispered, watching her shuffle more closely to me, before she relaxed and reached out her hand; removing a strand of hair away from my face, and tucking it behind my ear. This was the first piece of contact I had gotten in the past hour.

"You always love what you see." She smiled. And how her smile could make every bone in your body tickle, I wasn't sure.

"If you knew that, why did you ask." I returned a smile.

"Because I wanted to hear you say it."

"Don't get all sappy with me. That's so unlike you.." I pretended to shiver, and she returned my act by rolling her eyes; "Whatever." That's when the laughing started, and her lush eyes just watched me.

"I heart you." She said, and I was beginning to think I was loosing the all mighty Vause.

"You heart me?"

She immediately started to chuckle, followed by a long hum of a _"Yeah-up."_

"What- is that like, I love you for pussies?" I smiled just when she gave me a small shove.

"Hm.. say pussy again." Alex bluntly said. Soon our laughing ceased and our smiles faded, then we spent a second staring indefinitely at each other before our night ended with her lips graciously filing with mine.

* * *

When the tears began to fall, it had taken me a good while to register what was happening. With every drop that slide down my face, I would wipe them away; but the more I did it, the more followed. My eyes never strayed from that window, never leaving the sidewalk or the stores. I wasn't sobbing, and I wasn't entirely crying either. The tears would just continue to fall, like they deserved to have their moment to; and that is when I realized, I haven't grieved. I never had my moment.

The tears that followed never stopped, and I was curious as to if they ever would. The thought of the last time I had shed a tear seemed all to far, I couldn't remember any other time besides the aftermath after leaving Alex in Paris. In Germany, in Afghan, in Iraq, there wasn't any room to cry, to grieve; I couldn't have that moment. And soon the option never presented itself, I had lost the ability to cry along the way. But now, it had a surprising visit, along with all the pain. I wanted a way out, and soon that way presented itself.

"Excuse me, can you drop me off right here?" I asked the taxi driver, and as he pulled over; I shuffled my wallet out of my back pocket and gave him the money for my trip. "Thank you." I said, before hopping out of the back quickly and walking over to the sidewalk. Wiping the remanding tears on my face away, I walked in to a small shop; only hoping they had what I was looking for. Thankfully they had everything I needed.

The minute I shuffled in to my apartment, I was making my way towards the kitchen counter, closing the door behind me with my foot. My hands were full, and I had barely opened the door in the first place. When I had reached the counter, I had taken everything out of the brown paper bags, and soon the inevitable was going to take it's course.

I took two bottles of wine out from the bag along with a twelve pack of beer. The brands, or the taste wasn't going to make much of a difference in this state. Along the way, I had bought a bottle opener and a wine one as well; considering I carried neither. Soon I was bringing the twelve pack of beer and the wine bottles over to the couch.

When I opened the first beer, I didn't take a sip right a way; there was a part of me that was sounding off the alarms, making me think twice about taking a drink. I was doing something for all the wrong reasons, with the only exception that in a way it felt only right. I shoved a side the alarms in my head, and the worst thoughts of it all, and took a rather large gulp. The taste wasn't good, but after the first three beers; it didn't matter.

As the buzz crept it's way through, that's when the pain started to die down; and everything and anything was becoming numb. At the time, it felt like bliss. I was no longer worried about the guilt, or the mess about things I could remember; and the stress that continued to build everyday. This feeling was only a drive to drink more; and I then nursed the rest of my fourth beer, soon taking another and downing it.

This was only the beginning, and I knew that. I was taking everything and drowning it in alcohol, and it was feeling pretty good. It was always going to feel good, because through the rest of the night; I felt nothing in the world could weigh on my shoulders. That was just a silly thought, and I would soon pay the price for these actions. Later, I only wished I never took that first sip.

* * *

**Two Years Ago – Mission: Take Back Levee**

The sound of the chopper engine and it's blades were not the only thing that could be heard; there were guns being fired off and explosions, and if even if we were still a few miles away, those blasts were easily visible. This only made you more anxious to get to the fight, more importantly, to be on the ground. At the time, I was trying to keep my body steady as best I could for the bumpy ride, that's when my eyes glanced over at Rodrick; who was writing on a blank white piece of paper.

"Please tell me, you are not writing one of those." I kept my eyes on him, it was easy enough to spot that his handwriting was sloppy; but you couldn't blame him, I could barely keep my shoulders steady.

"It's just one of those just in case letters." He said, continuing with his writing until he was finished. I had never written any letter of the sort, and I wasn't about to write one. In a big way, I felt that you only wrote them because you knew you were going to die, not because it was a _'just in case' _one. "I want you to be the one that gives this to my sister."

"Rodrick, no. You're not going to die out there." Was my quick response, I wasn't about to take a_ goodbye letter_, not from him. "And what makes you think I'm going to even be able to give it to her? What if I die along with you." I questioned and I couldn't believe how quickly he replied.

"Because I know that you will make it out no matter what." Rodrick put the letter in his front pocket, along with the pen; before he looked away when I didn't respond. I didn't think anything of it then, but later, I really wished I would have taken his letter.

"You guys need to drop now! I can't take you any further!" The pilot yelled, as he began to hover at 40 feet. All of our heads bobbed up, except our Captain Micheal; who was already making his way to the front.

"What do you mean you can't take us any further!?" Micheal yelled when he reached the pit, and by then everyone was already getting their stuff ready, along with me. I didn't continue to listen to the rest of their conversation, the reason mostly being because the fight had gotten much worse, and it was more dangerous to be flown in then running straight into the fight. You were only asking to be shot down if anything.

"Alright Marines, get ready to drop in 20 seconds." Micheal returned from the pit, and we all stood; gathering by the sides of the chopper. In just 20 seconds, two by two we were propelling down on to the floor. The ones who were already on foot, knelled and watched the surrounding area. There wasn't a lot of coverage to the area, it was empty and clear, there was only the desert for miles. The town and it's raging horrific were in view, but we were still a mile or two away.

When everyone was on the ground, including Micheal, we had begun our long jog towards Levee. The jog was never rough, and you never really had to stop for air. That was a major part of your training; to go on for miles without stopping. You practiced those abilities, and you made sure you concurred them.

**20 Minutes Later : Reaching Levee'**

We rounded a building, coming to stop behind a wall when Micheal held up his hand. We were to take it slow from here on out, until moving quickly was necessary. "Keep it tight Marines."

Our team of six continued down the side of a building, before then turning and walking down a few ally ways and small pathways between houses. Everyone of us held up their guns, including the M4 I was carrying; we watched every space and even watching every other area out of the corner of our eyes. You had to fully be aware of your surroundings, you missed something; everyone else pays the price.

On our way towards the fight, which was carried on in the middle; we didn't rush and we kept tight in a straight line. You followed, while someone followed you. It was that simple. Up until we came to a street, where cars were totaled and smoke was only visible for miles, we had to take it slow. We started to spread out from our form, covering more ground for a better sweep, but we never strayed far; we kept close. "Does anyone see anything?" Micheal said, and we all obliged with a "No, Sir." It was nerve racking to move through an area where your vision was hazard through smoke, and how in the background the sounds of gun shooting were going off. No matter how many times you heard those sounds, you always felt like they were right behind you. Until they were, and it changed everything.

"TOP! 3 o'clock!" The shooting were already radically taking a turn for the worst. Every little detail was mushing together, and the moment you sprawled behind a car; you keeping your head down from the windows. The sounds that were heard before had crept closer, and I was beginning to poke out from behind that car along with JJ who was by my side, trying to get off shots to the guy who was up above. That unknown man wasn't the only one, there were others above to, in various different places surrounding the streets.

"We need to move! NOW!" Called Micheal.

"Street! Down street!" Called Sam.

Soon we were becoming pinned and escaping was taking a turn for the inevitable. Without hesitation or a second notice, I sprung up behind that car and took the first two men up top out before moving down street behind another car. "9 o'clock way! House view!" I yelled, I could see a quick getaway and while some continued to fire as we ran for that way between two house, I stood behind JJ who was kicking down a gate. "HURRY UP!"

When the gate was kicked down, JJ moved forward and I stayed back allowing Micheal and Sam to follow through while I kept behind the side, shooting anyone who dared poke out from behind a car. That's when I spotted Clef shouldering Rodrick, he was limping and the sudden thought of his letter was becoming real.

"Clef I got you! GO!" I yelled once again and they moved increasingly faster when I shot blindly behind the corner, it was a distraction, which in times like this; always seemed to work. The second Clef and Rodrick moved past that gate, I followed, and we were soon in a line once again; with the exception of Rodrick's arm over Clefs shoulder- they walked side by side.

"Keep your eyes out!" The anticipation that whole plan of taking back Levee seemed impossible in that moment, Rodrick could barely walk and the bullets never stopped.

"House, house!" Sam said while Micheal moved passed him and began to kick at the back door. It wasn't budging.

* * *

**Loud Banging.**

Slowly, I began pushing myself up from the mattress; that I was currently sprawled against on my stomach, for however long I had been there. When my eyes opened, the ringing in my head started. It felt like the worst of the worst, of all headaches.

**The banging had gotten louder.**

"Coming!" I yelled.

"I'm coming." I then whispered when I managed to get up from the bed. I stumbled to the door before I regained my balance. Everything was hurting, and suddenly I was desperate for another numbing drink.

**The banging progressed.**

When I made it down the hallway and reached the door to my apartment, and even as I started to unlock the door, the banging continued. _Fuck. _After I had unlocked it, I slowly began to open the door, and that's when my eyes adjusted to the scene.

"What, the.."


	7. Therapy In Alcohol

Authors Note: Everything is only just beginning! And I love it.

Thank you all for the reviews yesterday, I enjoy reading everything you guys have to say; it is by far the best part to updating. I thank you all again for the follows and likes, I will never be thankful enough.

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

Therapy In Alcohol

Chapter Seven

"Polly?"

That was all that I could say for the first few minutes, and she had already made her way passed me, staring around at my apartment and starting her endless rant.

"God, I have been out there for over twenty minutes; what the hell were you doing?" The second I closed the door, I watched her look over at all the empty beer and wine bottles. She responded with a, "You're hungover, aren't you?"

"Polly, um, how did you know where I lived?" My state of my mind was blown, I was hoping that this whole thing was some big dream. My head was increasingly pulsing, which stated otherwise.

"Your letter, Piper." I had stopped dead in my tracks when I was walking away from the door.

"What, letter?"

"You know, I was really debating about coming to see you; but I really missed your crazy ass. I'm still pissed at you though, super pissed." Polly pointed at me, before making her way over to the couch and taking a seat. I then followed, still shocked that she was here in my apartment; that she was in front of me after three whole years; and soon I had forgotten about the letter.

"Polly, I'm- wait." I paused when I caught a glimpse of her stomach. _How could I have missed it?_ "You're pregnant?" That's when her face lit up, and her whole "pissed at you" face was now gone.

"Yes! 7 months!" She yelled, and I couldn't help but grab another beer; hoping it would help subside the throbbing in my head. Everything was going way to fast.

"Why, that is wonderful." I grinned, taking a seat beside her before opening the beer and taking rather large sip. "You and Pete are still together?"

"Of course, Piper." Polly gave me the "_was that a serious question_" look, and I just had to chuckle. The alcohol was now doing it's job. "Is this what you have been doing lately? Drinking and sleeping? And I thought I was the only one who was craving a drink in the middle of the week. Sadly I can't" She laughed, but I started to choke mid sip.

"Middle of the week?"

"It's Wednesday, Piper. What, did you forget the days of the week back in Germany?"

"No, no." I quickly replied, and that part of the conversation was dropped. _Had it really been four days? _It was only just Sunday. I couldn't even remember it being Monday, or Tuesday. _Did I really drink that much? Or did I just drink every second? _But that wasn't possible, I wouldn't have left over beer if that had happened; and there wasn't any signs of cans in the trash.

"Piper? Piper?"

"Huh?" I blinked quickly, looking away from my drink and towards Polly. I didn't realize that I had spaced out. "What's up?"

"I asked if you were hungry? Your stomach has been making noises, I should order some food. Any preferences?" Polly asked, and I shook my head; soon she was digging out her phone from her purse and calling the local pizza hut from around town.

We didn't talk much until the pizza arrived, Polly had only just started ranting off once again about being pissed off at me; and I couldn't really get upset with her, I did leave without saying goodbye to anyone.

* * *

**3 Years Ago**

"Piper, you cannot be serious!" Polly yelled, before snatching the envelope out of my hands. "When did you sign up for this? And why did you sign up for this? God, please tell me this is just some prank?"

"No, Polly, it isn't a prank." I had known before hand that I was going to get this reaction from Polly, no matter how small something was, she always reacted the same; but this time, I knew it would be different. "Polly, relax; it's just boot camp. I may not even make it passed that." I took a seat on her living room sofa.

"Piper, you know that isn't true." She continued to scan over the contents of the letter, before she had taken a seat on the opposite side of the couch.

"Polly?"..."Polly?" ..."God, Polly." I snatched the letter back, folding it up and putting it in the envelope. "Can you look at me? Everything in the letter is true."

"You're really going to do this?" She carried that look of hope on her face that I would say no, but I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"Yes, Polly. I'm really going to do this." I nodded my head with such confidence. I didn't know what I was getting into then, but I don't think it would have really made a difference.

"Have you told your parents?" She questioned.

"No, and I don't know if I will. I will probably just tell them I'm going on a trip for a while, and that I'll write." I said, as I ran my hand through my hair.

"God, you better not come back all macho Piper." Polly laughed, and I did as well; and soon I knew goodbye was going to be even harder then telling her I was going to leave.

* * *

When the man arrived with our pizza, and Polly had paid, we settled at the table. I was thankful I had water in the fridge, although I wasn't in the mood for it, I wanted more alcohol. It was easier to go about things that way, and my headache had subsided after one beer. The water was mostly for Polly, but I knew I really should be washing away the toxin's.

"I'll get go get us two plates." As Polly started to rise from her chair, I placed a hand on her arm, stopping her mid- stand.

"You won't find anything. I don't have plates, or silverware; I don't have much of anything really." Polly sat back down.

"Why don't you have these things, Piper? You've been back for a week now, and you didn't think it was necessary to buy these things?" Her whole expression was confusing, I wasn't sure if Polly wanted details or if she really just wanted a plate. So, I went with the first.

"I haven't gone to the store yet, I'm just getting settled." That wasn't entirely a lie, but I couldn't tell my best friend that I had forgotten what it was like to buy these things, or if buying them really even mattered. Polly wouldn't understand that, and frankly I wasn't sure if anyone would. I also wasn't going to let anyone try either.

"Well, we need to take you shopping because you...need...these...things." Polly spoke the last few words with her mouth full, she was already digging into the pizza and the smell of it was just intoxicating to pass up. Soon, I was eating piece after piece; thankful that she had ordered two and not just one. It had been so long since I had even tasted pizza; and it wasn't far off from heaven.

"How long are you back? Or are you here for good." She asked, and it was the first question I didn't feel any hesitation towards.

"A month or two, it depends." I took another bite.

"On what?"

"My Staff Sargent." That's all I wanted to say, the details were not forthcoming and even with the beer making the whole conversation easier to bare, I still felt restricted. It was like I had to ask permission before I could speak; it was a weird conception.

"Right, well.. you better be here when my baby is born. Or as a matter a fact, in his life." She pointed again, and in that moment, I knew she was going to be a great mother.

"You're going to be a great mom, Polly." I smiled, and she returned it. I wasn't going to promise Polly anything, and even if I did want to be there for when she has the baby, I knew there was the slight possibility that I wouldn't be; and I couldn't live with the stress of that promise. You only made promises you could keep, and allowed the ones you couldn't to not be promised at all.

* * *

When Polly was heading out the door, she stopped to glare at me. "If you ever leave without saying goodbye again, I won't accept any of your letters." That is when I realized I had forgotten about the letter.

"Polly, do you have the letter with you?" I asked and she nodded her head, then pulling out the white envelope from her purse, before handing it to me. "I'll give it back to you the next time I see you."

"Keep it. The thing only makes me mad when I see it." Polly said, rolling her eyes.

After Polly had given me the letter, she had left; apparently her and Pete had planned to go shopping for paint, they were going to paint the baby's room next week. With the envelope in my hand, I closed the door and walked over to the kitchen counter. I had so desperately wanted to open the letter; but every moment I held the envelope in my hands, the more it seemed to burn. I was afraid of what the contents inside held, I knew the letter was going to tell me I had sent it; the words were going to tell me I was forgetting the things I had recently just done, and that my memory was dimming. But I had so desperately wanted to know.

I stared blankly at the front of the envelope, which only had my name printed on the front of it, Polly's address and my own were no where present. And soon, the possibility of someone else sending the letter was thinkable. There was always an address printed on the front, that's how post offices knew where to mail it to; that's when I realized the letter wasn't mailed, it was put in Polly mail box first handed. "It wasn't me." I whispered.

Coming to this realization, I immediately took out the white piece of paper and began to read aloud.

"Dear Polly,

I'm back in New York, and the flight here from Germany wasn't all to bad. I would very much like to see you, and I thought maybe you could come around my place. I will write my address on the bottom. I miss you, Polly.

Much Love,

Piper Chapman"

That is when I stopped reading, and what was written under my name in small script was noticeable. The writing was beginning to seem all to familiar the more I stared at it, it was in the back of my mind; I had seen it somewhere before. Turning my head away, I looked for a pen and thankfully I had found one in my backpack. When I flipped the paper over, I started to write the script that was under my name; but in a much larger version to where it was more noticeable; and when I was finished, I knew exactly where I had seen it before.

* * *

**Two Years Ago - Afghan**

"What's it called?" I asked.

"Elian Script." Rodrick had said, while he was writing in a form that wasn't recognizable.

"How do you know what you are writing?"

"You see, it works like this." I watched him draw three nine-squared grid's, which was easily recognizable as 'tic-tact-toe'. He went on to write the alphabet within the grids, starting with the bottom left corner and in writing an A, and then working straight up writing B, C. After he finished the first column, he came down to the middle box beside the A and wrote D; and from there he finished the rest of the grids. "Now you have your structure. With the first grid, each corner represents the letter; and the second grid the corners are longer in writing, and for the last grid there are dots to be added with each letter. That is how you distinguish what A, J, and S are on the grids."

Rodrick looked up at me and smiled, the whole thing was confusing, but as he went on to show me examples; it was fairly easy to grasp the point. I was only more curious then, why and who he was writing in code to.

"My sister and I like to send each other secret messages back and forth in between our letters, more towards the bottom. It was always our thing, she loved it when I taught her it."

* * *

I was already gripping the pen when I started to make those three nine-squared grid's, my hand was only shaking from that moment on. I was more scared of finishing it then what the script actually meant. When I finished the grid, I translated each writing and soon I was just left with more questions, and I was only desperate to find more answers.

"Top drawer." _What could that mean? _I had asked myself that about a thousand times before the inevitable had sunk in. I immediately ran down the hall and in to my bedroom, before making my way over to the side table and shuffling through the first drawer. When I had found nothing, I knew there was only one more place.

As I walked over to the dresser, I wanted nothing more but to find answers. Although I was more terrified then ever to what the questions might be after I had found those answers, and if there would be any. When I slowly crept open the top drawer, I started to shuffle through my clothing and at the bottom of everything, a little white envelope was shown.

After drawing it out and walking backwards to the mattress, I took a seat; deeply dreading the moment I would open it. I couldn't tell you how long it had taken me to finally crease it open, because it felt like eternity. The second I unfolded the little piece of paper, everything and anything stopped. Soon, everything was mushing together and I could feel the weight on my shoulders return as I read aloud.

"They are watching you."

I rose up from the mattress slowly, and with the little piece of paper still in my hands I took a few steps. "This is so fucked up." I repeated a few times. I didn't think about the possibility of who could of written this, and why they went through the great lengths in telling me this; but more importantly who was watching me and why. Everything about reality was so far off, like this was some fucked up game and someone was just watching, laughing hysterically. I wanted none of it, and I wanted to pretend I hadn't just opened the first of many puzzle pieces that would have to be put together.

When I shoved the little note in to the small envelope, I put it back where I found it and left the room. I needed something to ease all of the voices, to ease all the questions, but more importantly I wanted to feel less involved with the world I was currently living in. After I made it back in to the living room, I searched for a beer that wasn't opened, but when I didn't find a single one, I made the quick decision it was time to go buy more.

Leaving my apartment, and in locking the door, I made my way down stairs. In moments of just taking the first few steps outside, I couldn't help but feel the many eyes on me. Suddenly every person I walked past, glanced at, or was forced to stand beside at a light; I felt endangered. I was beginning to feel powerless, and that wasn't something I could just shove away. When I found the first store in view, I walked in and from there, alcohol was the only therapy I needed.

* * *

**Two Hours Later**

Walking in to my apartment, I stumbled through the door way; I had already finished three cans on the way. These times were not my brightest moments, but they did help; and I had to keep reminding myself that it felt right. It did, for a little while. And that's when I had to take another sip, I wanted to worry about nothing and I was getting what I wanted; for the most part.

Carrying the bags, and things to my bedroom I dropped everything on to the floor and fell to my knees, I was then crawling and leaning my back up against the the mattress. That's when I knew that this room was going to become my refuge for the next couple of days, and I wasn't going to leave unless I had to, or in this case, "When the alcohol runs out."

When I dumped everything out of the bags, I didn't just manage to buy beer, but I had bought snacks too; along with a cheap radio. The second I found the pocket knife, I shoved it in my back pocket; and I bid the day I'd ever go anywhere without it from now on.

The last thing I covered was the item that was going to define every moment. When my right hand clenched softly over the piece, I held it, moving and really feeling the weapon. Along the way, I had visited a shop where you could purchase a gun, it was a small shop, not easily noticeable, and luckily I had my military license with me. I was able to purchase an M9 Beretta, one the most defensive side arms you could carry as a Marine; and just holding the piece in my hand felt normal. I could easily say I missed the feeling.

* * *

The next few days hazily passed, I drank and drank more; forever feeling the lightness on my feet and the out of it daze. It was bliss. It was much better then dealing with the inevitable, I had to keep saying. And with every sip, I would do something new; it was either dancing to a song, playing with my pocket knife, or shining my M9. I was never going to let the alcohol down, I was never going to want to; and when the the alarms would come, I would easily drink them away. But when the beer started to die down and I ran out, I slept and I continued to sleep until the scorching headache made it's way through. That was the afternoon when I decided it was time to go out and buy more alcohol.

**20 Minutes Later**

As I was suffering from a hangover, I had walked right into a pub that wasn't too far from my apartment. I had taken a cab and found it along the way to a liquor store. The minute I sat down on a stool at the bar, a man was already asking me what I would like, and in just minutes from walking in; I was already half way through with my first bottle.

I started nursing the beer slowly, the taste wasn't anything, it hadn't been anything in last couple of days. I understood now, why some people could so much as drink vodka straight out of a cup like it was juice in a sippy cup; it was because they grew accustomed to that taste, and the strong content didn't bother them anymore.

Swirling the alcohol around in the bottle with my right hand, I watched it; suddenly feeling the weight of my problem. I knew I needed to stop. I needed to focus on getting better rather then getting worse; but the reason for all of that wasn't there. My team was gone, and I was beginning to feel blame for their deaths. I could feel the guilt in every bone in my body, and all I could constantly think about was the words Dr. Drew had said, "You ran over a land mine, Piper. From recent checks, it toppled and their were no survivors."

My eyes clenched closed exclusively fast, and I was soon turning my head to the side; the throbbing had just started once again. But this time the beer wasn't helping.

_As I watched myself take those few steps towards her, I watched the reality of everything seep through, and everything subsided. The walls tore, the building shook radically and I was suddenly thrown through the window just towards the right of me._

When the glass from the window broke, as did the bottle that was clenched in my hands; and when I watched my body hit the ground; I felt a hand on my shoulder in the reality of it. My eyes had flung open, and my body reacted defensively; I was soon twisting the person's arm around their back and in all one rush, I was slamming their front down against the bar.


	8. Given The Chance

**Authors Note:** Hey Everyone, I wanted to thank you again for everything. I'm very surprised at how many of you are constantly checking for updates, and it's a very welcoming feeling. I will never take long in updating each chapter, a day or two at most.

I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thank you all again.

I would like to know how you guys feel about this chapter, I'll be awaiting those reviews!

* * *

Given The Chance

Chapter 8

I knew it was stupid. I knew it was a stupid thing to do the moment it had happened. As I laid on that bench, which was hard like the floors of Afghan, I was surrounded by bars. I was the _all fucked up_ _Marine _who drank way to much, and which was now being plastered across my forehead; metaphorically speaking that is.

My arms were crossed over my chest, and my right ankle draped over my left; I was content the minute my eyes closed shut. The rage was now gone, and all I could feel was the throbbing in my knuckles, and the fresh cut above my brow. The stupidity just continued to rain down, how was my Staff Sargent going to react this; I had a pretty good idea. But could I return to the field?_ "Well, it's going to be strike one, Chapman."_ I would imagine he would say.

* * *

**One Hour Earlier**

"Let go!" The young man yelled, he was angry, and as soon as I released him, I was backing away from the bar stool. "What is your fucking problem?" He turned, moving his arm; which meant he was in pain. I was never light at anything I would do on the field, but this wasn't the field; I knew that.

Even if I was heavily intoxicated, I knew when it was time to let things go and move on, and I wasn't about to engage the man again; as much as I was angry, too. But after he shoved me, I realized he was just as drunk as I was; and that there wasn't anyway he would let this go. If anything, I acted defensively; no matter how stupid I'd feel later. "I wouldn't do that again." I whispered, as I hoped he wouldn't take another step.

The man took a few steps before hooking a right, and I was then bringing my left hand to the side of my face. I could feel the bruise already, he had a good hit. _Would he get a chance to use it again?_ Probably not. As he tried again, I was already reaching my left hand to grip at his wrist; and when I did, I gave one right hook and he was on the ground. I guess I should of known then what I would know later, I should of walked away after that moment. But the anger from the alcohol, and from everything else was just about the greatest excuse at the time to keep hammering down.

It felt like eternity, but it was only just minutes that I was being pulled away from him; and I could already feel the binds digging into my skin. My eyes never swayed from the man who now groaned in pain on the floor, and just for a millisecond, I felt I had done the right thing; but until I was being dragged outside, I knew the jest of it all had been impulsive.

The cop had pushed me into the back, and I knew my wrists were going to be binned the entire way. I wasn't proud at what I had done, but would I have reacted differently if I had another chance; maybe. That was always it, wasn't it; _if you had another chance._

* * *

**Present**

"You know when you told me to go, because you were already struggling with having to see your family and Polly; I never thought for once that maybe there was more to that. But now, I'm starting to think that there is."

Her voice, that raspy tone I knew all to well. "Alex." I whispered, before opening my eyes and getting up from that bench. I watched her stand behind the bars that kept us apart, more so keeping me in. When I walked over to her, and stood behind them; I was more curious as to how she knew I was here and why she decided to come in. "What are you doing here?"

"I just so happened to watch you being pushed in to the back of a cop car, and in which following you here."

"So, you've been sitting outside for forty-five minutes?" I asked, confused as I glanced at the clock behind her.

"I was debating whether or not to just leave, and forget I had seen you. But that wasn't going to work out." Alex crossed her arms, looking away for only a moment before pushing her glasses up and giving a smile. "Which brings me to this. I'm going to give you two options." She paused, allowing her smile to fade as she walked closer to the bars. I only paid attention from here on.

"You leave with me right now and we start over, or you stay here until whoever else decides to come and get you. Although, I'm almost positive you won't call Polly."

Behind the set of bars, I pondered her "_either or", _and I knew my decision had been made before she was even finished talking; but Alex didn't need to know that. I wasn't about to let her._ Could we really start over?_ That was going to be the question that would haunt the hours to come, along with the depths of Alex intentions as well. _Why would she want to start over?_

"The first one."

* * *

**20 Minutes Later**

After the paperwork had been finished, and Alex had bailed me out, I was intrigued that the man from earlier wasn't going to press any charges. Apparently, everyone had witnessed it was self-defense, and I was thankful that I didn't appear to be _all that fucked up _in someones' eyes.

As Alex and I had reached her car, we slipped in and the uncomfortable silence made it's way through. During the entire ride, I was for the first time, wishing she would ask a question; but she never did say one word. All Alex managed to do was hum to the light music that was silently playing on the radio, and it was pleasingly distracting. I wasn't sure if that was her point, but even if it wasn't in her intentions, I had liked to believe she knew what she was doing. Even though I didn't look in Alex's direction for the rest of the trip, I made sure I was only focusing on her humming, I couldn't manage to pay attention to anything else. And for the time being, I wasn't trying to fight it.

"Piper, hey, we are here."

Slowly, my eyes managed to open, and I was leaning my head away from the window. "Did I fall asleep?" I rubbed the side of my face gently.

"Yeah, I guess you did. You must of liked my humming that much." Alex smiled when I glanced in her direction, that is when I frowned; she carried way to much confidence. "Come on."

I unlocked the door before walking in and holding it open for Alex. When she passed through, I closed it and locked it. I was more nervous about her being in my apartment then how my apartment looked in her eyes.

"It's a mess, I know." I mumbled as I followed her over to the kitchen counter.

"No, Piper, your place is pretty much empty." She shook her head, looking through the cupboards and drawers, before she opened the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. "Drink this. You need to sober up." She handed me the water, and I took it.

"Thank you." It was all that I could say behind the counter. Strike two, on the awkward situations.

"How about you go lie down on the couch, and I'll clean up all the alcohol you have lying around." Alex spoke softly, and the way she was acting started twisting the insides of my stomach.

"Alex, you don't have to-"

"Piper, I bailed you out, now do something for me and lie down." I didn't say anything more after that, I was beginning to get a serious vibe from Alex. I changed, and maybe Alex did to. But I wasn't obligated to ask, it was far out of my reach.

When I made it over to the couch, I took a seat and started to take small sips of the water; it was a new burning taste. Tasteless. I didn't want to fall asleep, at least not sober; but more importantly not with Alex free to walk around my apartment. And that's when I realized. "Alex." I stood up quickly, and turned around to glance towards her; but I was already to late, she was already reading it.

"So, you're sending secret messages to Polly?" Alex asked, and all over her body screamed confusion.

"No- I mean, yes. No.." I walked over to Alex, desperately wanting to forget she even walked in to my apartment. When I tried to grab the note, Alex motioned away.

"No. We are starting over. Now I want you to answer the question, honestly."

"Alex, I did. I said yes." I wanted the letter, and I wanted it now; so I reached for it again.

"That's a lie. You wouldn't want it this bad if it were a yes." Alex held the note above her, and I was cursing under my breath at how tall she really was.

"God, if you insist. No, I didn't send the damn letter! Happy?" I paused, and that's when she lowered the letter and I snatched it. "Now, thank you."

"The letter clearly states you wrote it." Alex asked, she was even more confused then before.

"Alex, I didn't. I would of, I wouldn't send Polly a message in Elian Script. And besides, I found the second note in my draw-" _Fuck._ I brought my hands up and started rubbing the sides of my face. Alex was beginning to be far to much, and I didn't want to talk to her about this.

"Okay, okay. Let's forget about this? I apologize for reading." Alex shook her head, and then walked right passed me, making her way over to the couch before taking a seat. I threw the letter in the trash, before taking a seat on the opposite side of the sofa.

I kept to myself for the first few seconds, until I could feel her eyes burning my skin. I wanted to look at her, but I knew if I did; I would tell her everything, and I wasn't sure if I could handle that. There wasn't much I knew in the first place, and I couldn't add her to the many puzzle pieces that are either not found or broken. _But was she one of those puzzle pieces?_

Before I noticed that Alex had gotten closer, I was already fighting the feeling of vulnerability and I wanted all the power. But with Alex, you're constantly fighting for that very thing, and it wasn't a good feeling anymore. When I turned to look up at her, I could already feel her thumb running gently over the cut above my brow and then down over the bruise that had formed.

"What have you gotten yourself into, kid." Alex whispered.

* * *

**One Year Ago**

Surrounded by barbed-wired fences and one small building, I stood outside in the middle of the sanded field behind a table that was adjacent to another one; while Rodrick stood on the other side. We were stationed in Iraq, and with nearing our leave, we were not expecting anything major to happen between that time line. I was filling M9, M4, and M16 clips; slipping one bullet at a time, one after the other. Rodrick had been doing the same, although he was more busy checking out the beauty of the M16. He would gawk over the weapon all the time, it was a habit of his now.

"Why don't you just make out with it already?" I joked, glancing over at him for only a moment, and I caught his smile just before I went back to looking down at what I had been doing.

"If only it had a pair of lips, maybe and only then would I." He chuckled quietly, and I just smiled. It was a real rarity on the field, but it had it's moments. "What are you going to do on your four weeks off?"

"You already know the answer to that question." My smile never faded, I didn't want it to; I loved the feeling.

"Sometimes I wonder if that coffee shop would do without their star customer. Don't you ever get tired of reading the same books?" Rodrick aimed up the M16, turning and checking the clicks.

"I will never get tired of those books." I shook my head, wanting to drown the sudden thought of Alex away. "What will you be doing, Aaron?" I went on to load a few more bullets into an M9 clip.

"My sister and I have decided to do a road trip. Just get in to the car and drive, I'm not sure where though, who knows. And that's the beauty of it." He loaded the M16 before putting it to the side, I glanced up at him noticing that he already missed the gun being in his hands. He then went on to picking up an M4.

Rodrick wasn't that much younger then I was. He had a younger sister that he would mostly only talk about. He adored her beyond anything, and it always made me think of my younger brother. What was Cal up to? How was he doing? I never thought to much about it, it was easy enough to put it a side and focus on other things.

"You should come with us. My sister is dying to meet you." I could feel his eyes on me, burning in to my skin, he wanted me to say yes.

"Your sister knows about me?" I swiftly the conversation lightly, I don't think I'd be ready to go back to the states, much less with a fellow Marine and his younger sister. Could things really go back to normal?

"It will be fun, Piper. You should come." Rodrick, with a clip and a bullet in his hand, made his way around the table and over to my side. He held that boyish grin, how could anyone say no to that? And I didn't have to, something spoke for itself before I could.

Suddenly our shoulders jerked up at the massive sound of an explosion. When our heads turned in the general direction of the building, smoke was arising. It was my failure to notice, but Rodrick wasn't looking anymore, he was dropping the mag

and the bullet; before tackling me to the ground and covering my body. Everything happened so quickly, yet in the slowest motion you could grasp; he was shielding me from the blast and the deb-re.

* * *

**Present**

Immediately I was standing up and backing away from Alex. "Being touched is a very hard limit for me, Alex."

"Can you explain to me why? Or is that to much." She looked at me with such sympathy, and I wanted to believe that she would understand even if I couldn't tell her; but with the way I could see the hurt behind the glasses, I knew I owed her what little I could give.

"Alex, I can't go into grave detail." I paused, taking the seat beside her once again. "It's too much for me, and I cannot entirely talk about my tours. In the manner of what goes on out there. I could get in trouble, and you could, too. All I can say, is that I've been through very rough experiences where whenever someone touched me it was mostly in a terrifying turning point." I paused again, waiting to see if she would say anything, but she didn't. She kept quiet.

"I've only been here, in New York, for a week. I'm trying to fit back in, and it's not entirely working out for me."

"A week? And you mean that by, you've only been away for a few months?"

"No, no." I shook my head. "I don't expect you to understand, but if we are going to start over, I'm going to need you to try. I have lived in Germany, Afghan, and Iraq for the past three years. So, all of this; it's fairly new to sweep back into."

"I want to ask you why, but I know you probably won't tell me."

"With time Alex, I'm sure. Right now, everything in my body is acting defensively." I could tell that she understood for the most part, I could see that she was trying, and for that I was grateful; but with every little piece of information I gave, I knew somewhere a long those lines, she would be the one I'd share everything with. At least I felt I owed her that. I was disliking the whole conversation more as it went on, even if I had the little sense of relief inside. Alex was the first person I was going to allow to try and understand what I was going through, with the least amount of details as possible. If she couldn't understand, there wasn't a person who could.

"I just have one more question, if that's okay." I nodded, and then waited. Alex took a minute or so too think, and I wasn't sure if she was debating whether or not to ask, or if she really didn't have a question. I was only becoming more anxious as the minutes passed on, and finally she spoke. "How long are you going to be here, in New York?" Alex asked softly, and for just a moment, I didn't want to leave.

"A month or two, I'm not entirely sure. If I manage to tell you the second part to it, can we change subjects?" I wanted so desperately to move along, the anxiety was quietly building and making it's way to the front. And the thought of the letter came to mind, it was the excuse that someone was listening that I felt even more cautious. Alex nodded.

"I'm on medical leave. And I'm sure you know that, from the hospital incident and everything. I cannot tell you what happened, because I'm not entirely sure either. I can't remember how or when, and I get these headaches every now-n-then that I tend to have these intense flashbacks; and what I'm seeing I can't grasp if it's real or not." I spoke the last few bits quietly, I knew I had said to much, and I was only hoping that the note wasn't true. "I can't talk about it anymore."

"Well, I have something we can talk about then." Alex stood up, and my eyes were immediately following her. "We are going to talk about what pans and plates you like, what type of food you are going to want to eat, and more importantly what color curtains you like. Everything is empty in this apartment and we are going to fix that." I couldn't help but feel as though she was making a promise to me, a promise that I knew she would never make. A promise I would never make.

* * *

In the course of the next few hours, Alex and I had managed to go all over town; going in about four different stores. I saw more of New York in five hours then I have in the past week, and in a way it felt rather good to be out of my apartment. Throughout those hours, I managed to watch for triggers and I was no longer worried about getting another intense headache. Alex had watched her words, making sure she didn't say anything about earlier and she made sure to keep her distance. She never placed another hand on me after my certain revelation and for that, the anxiety had ceased. I felt that she was trying, and I told myself not to think about her intentions. I would play along, and in hope that I would find out later.

When we had walked in to the first store, I was surprised at all the different types of pots and pans that were now out; and it made me feel I was missing out on life, even if it was just a new pan, there was more to that then it really told. Alex had helped me pick out a whole set, a beautiful gray and red color, which in her words were "It would go well with all the white you have going for in your house. It will stand out." And for a moment, I found it rather silly that was increasingly serious about the color. From then on, I was more curious as to what she was doing for a living, and if it had anything to do with colors.

Coming up on our second store, it was a rather large furniture store. I was confused by this. I had all of the furniture I needed; more so then I really needed. But when I saw the curtains and bed comforters, I knew why we were here. I had shared with Alex that I didn't have any pillows or blankets, and she was rather surprised by this, which lead to her by asking "Where have you been sleeping?". I didn't end up sharing the moment I woke up days later from a drunken sleep on the mattress, that was one thing I felt more idiotic towards then anything. Alex went on to looking at the many comforters and had me explain what my room had looked like, what colors were mostly present. I was under the impression she wanted to find something to match, and it was increasingly saddening when we bantered over the colors. I felt we were buying sheets and blankets for our bed, not just for mine. Later, I managed to settle on a gray and crimson set; the sheets were silk and the pillows carried extra softness to them. I was never more excited to sleep then in that moment, but I felt insanely silly for matching with the kitchen set I had just recently purchased.

When we made our way to the third store, I wasn't entirely sure what else I needed, but I had remembered her talking about food; and maybe grocery shopping was underway. But when we pulled along the side in front of a book store, I knew what was next. "Alex, I think I've bought what I need already, why the bookstore?" I had asked. Alex had then explained that she wanted to stop by and grab the book she had been wanting to get, I couldn't remember the name; but I didn't want to say no either. As we walked in to the store, there was barely any noise and I was more pleased by this then anything. "Why don't you look around while I go by my book." She said, and from then on I walked up/down the many isles of books; from A – Z. There were a few that had caught my eyes, the titles were ranging from suspense, to horror, to recent memoirs of men who've struggled with life outside of the military life; and I wanted nothing more but to read them all.

As I felt Alex walk up behind me, I put the book back within the many others, and before I had the chance to turn around; Alex was speaking about her life, and I couldn't help but focus on her voice. "I read a few memoirs before, they were so increasingly close to my life that it scared me. The last book I had read was one about a daughter who lost both of her parents. I wanted to know if she felt the same way I did, at that time. It helped me, maybe you should get it." She calmly said and I then turned around, shaking my head.

"No, I think I will only sic myself into thinking I have all of these problems when I really don't." We didn't talk much about it after that, I was more then sure it took more out of Alex to talk about the book then it had out of me. I was wondering if her questions were building as much as mine were, and if I was ever going to be able to ask them. I was suddenly wondering how her life had been these past three years, and if she was still importing drugs. The unexpected meeting at the airport spoke louder then words, but I didn't want to think that she was still in that business. It had ruined our relationship then, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to be apart of her life if she still had the same background job. I wanted to believe she had changed too, and that she was doing good. I wanted so much to believe that.

After we left the book store, Alex then drove us to our final destination. The grocery store; it wasn't any place I had been to before, but from what Alex had said, "It's the best place, I know. I shop here quite often." We had filled the cart with various many items, ranging from food to spices, from peanut butter to cream cheese. Alex wouldn't allow me to go down any alcohol isle, and I was beginning to feel like a child who couldn't have those things; but I knew it was best not to merge that a way. She was helping, and the confusion managed to poke it's way through again. No matter how the night would end, towards it all, I would ask her why. Even if it wasn't right of me to.

When we finished loading everything into the trunk and the backseat, I was dreading the amount of stuff that had to be carried up into my apartment. All the walking, the moving was taking it's blunt turn and my body needed it's rest. "Are you okay?" Alex had asked when we settled into the car.

"I'll be okay, Alex." I nodded before putting on my seat belt.

**Twenty minutes** had passed and we had reached my apartment, it was only a little over eight when we finished unloading everything into my place. Alex was eager to start cleaning and putting things into the right places, but I wasn't so eager to start. When Alex began to pick up the alcohol and trash around my apartment, I started putting away the food and spices away in the fridge, in the cupboards. After everything was pretty much finished, the apartment was clean and the kitchen was prepped, Alex wanted to put up the curtains but I had stopped her before she started.

"Alex, we don't have to do everything in one day. You done well over enough, you don't need to do anymore." I was surprised that Alex didn't argue with me, she simply just put the curtains a side.

"How about we order some Chinese take-out? I could give you the number and I can go fix your bed in the room." I should have known Alex wasn't going to stop, and I was beginning to wonder if she was just trying to keep herself busy.

"There's just one problem with that, I don't have a phone or laptop to order."

"You don't have a phone? How do you not have a phone, Piper?"

"I never really needed one." I shrugged, and it was true. I never strayed too far from my work, and I was always on the field where cellphones were useless and not allowed.

"Okay, well, you can use mine then." She shook her head, and I knew she wanted to say more. Alex wanted to insist I get one, but she wasn't going to say it. She didn't need to, her facial features told it all.

Just after Alex found the number, she handed me the phone and I called; ordering. I left Alex to her doings in my bedroom, and I debated for moments to come if I should help her or not.

"Piper!" Alex called down the hall, and I was instantly rushing down the hallway. "Piper!"

"What? What's wrong?" I glanced around the room hurriedly when I reached the door way to my room, out of breath, I spotted Alex holding the M9. I sighed in relief. _Why did she have to yell? _But I knew this wasn't common for regulars.

"Sorry, I guess I should of put that away." I walked over to her and gently took it from her hand.

"You have a gun, why?" She questioned, and I felt she was pretending to be dumb for a moment.

"I'm a Marine, Alex. I am entitled to own a gun." I shook my head, while I checked if the safety was on and thankfully it was.

"I have to get used to that. I keep forgetting." Alex fixed her glasses and leaned back on her heels. I was fighting the smile that wanted to show, Alex was feeling silly for asking and that was a sight.

When the doorbell rang, Alex was already rushing to the door and insisting she was going to pay. We had finished putting up the curtains; then fixing the pillows cases, blankets, and sheets. Everything about the apartment was now feeling a little more moved in then empty, and it was feeling I had forgotten. Owning a place, rather then a bed and a gun. It was a new feeling that was missed. But I was missing my home in Germany more then ever, even if it was only just a bed and a gun.

Alex and I settled at the table, and in which I finally had plates, silverware to use. The thought of Polly shinned through, and I knew I had to invite her over at a much better time then the last. Polly deserved that, she needed that.

"This restaurant is a favorite of mine. Best Chinese food." Alex smiled, taking bite after bite and I soon followed but in smaller portions. I still wasn't used to warm cooked meals that didn't come cold in a can or in a bag. As we continued eating, Alex had talked more about the restaurant and other food places that were good. I wanted to believe she was only saying these things to insist I try them one day, and I felt like now was a good time as any to finally ask.

"Alex." I paused, setting down my fork, waiting for her to look at me. When she did, I continued on. "I want to know why you're doing all of this, why you are being nice, and trying to help. You know I don't deserve it." No matter how rough it was to ask, much less admit to my UN-deserving towards her actions, I still had managed to say it. _How she managed to make things easier to say, I couldn't tell you; she just did._

"Are you sure you want to go there again?"

"I told you earlier what my condition was, and I haven't even managed to tell anyone else that. So, if it isn't too much, I would like you to tell me." Was all that I could say, I wasn't about to let any headache or turn for the worst to barge it's way through. I desperately wanted to know.

"Piper, we were never friends. You know that, I know that." Alex sighed, and I only felt she was right. As she sat up straight and put her fork down, I was wishing I would of taken back my entire question. I suddenly didn't want to know. The anxiety was working it's way through, slowly.

"I'm not trying to get revenge on you, for leaving me, for my mom. I'm passed all of that. I've changed, just like you." She paused, running a hand through her hair. This was hard for her. Alex never liked being brutally honest. Alex never liked being the one to be soft. "I told myself years ago that if I _ever had the chance_ of talking to you again, of being in your life, that I would try to be your friend."

Friends. That word was now being hammered in to my chest, and it was all to much. The whole idea of us being friends was a good one, but could I add her to the list of people I would have to leave behind again in a month, two months? Could I really handle that? My thoughts didn't get a chance to deepen right away, Alex's phone was going off in her pocket and soon she was saying, "I have to go." She stood up, shoving her phone back into her pocket. "Would you like me to help clean up?"

"No, no. You've done quiet enough." When the moment came that she was going to leave, I didn't think for one second that I was going to be alone again. That I was going to miss her. That was a reality that would of seemed all to far 24 hours ago, but now I knew that was all going to change. "Okay."

When Alex made her way over to the door, she was constantly insisting I let her help me with the dishes, but I continued to shake my head all the way to the door. "Alex, I can do it. It's not that hard." I was feeling like a child again. It was a strange one at that.

The second Alex opened the door, a man with a hat was holding a box as his hand was extended to knock. "Oh, Hello. Miss Chapman?"

"Um, no, but-"

"I'm her." I asked confused.

"Your order is here. I just need you to sign this." He sat the box down on the floor between his feet while he took out a piece of paper that needed to be signed. My confusion grew stronger.

"My order?" I gently took the paper before signing, there wasn't very much on the paper to determine what it was or who it was from. It was just a brown medium box. The man then after receiving the paper, lifted the box and handed it to me. He nodded his head before making his way along the hallway.

I turned on my feet and walked to the kitchen counter before setting the box down. Alex closed the door, and made her way beside me; why she just didn't leave right then, was beyond me. "So you don't have a phone, a laptop, and I'm sure you don't have internet; when did you order something?"

"That's the problem, Alex. I didn't order anything."


	9. Control The Game

**Authors Note:** I wanted to just give a minor heads up about the beginning of this chapter, because I know many of you are going to be confused, but I want you to know that all of the questions about the previous chapters' cliffhanger will be answered within the middle of this chapter. So, don't worry; I didn't leave that part out or forget about it. I wanted this chapter to proceed in a very different way.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

* * *

Control The Game

Chapter Nine

**Three Weeks Later**

I have the same dream every night, and it all starts just like the one before.

I'm lying there, unable to move, my eyes fixated on the sky above; and it always take's you a while to realize that there is deb-re falling, the ash crowds the surface, and your body is burning.

It's in those few moments that you notice the sky is that much more blue, and the clouds are that much more white; the sun is that much more warm.

It is in those few moments, everything and anything means the world to you.

The second you're able to move your head, looking in the direction beside of you, that is when you realize you are not alone. I start to see every fallen member of my platoon, lying there all the same; one turned on his front, the other on his side, and the rest scattered.

But it is when I look to the other side that I notice they are not with me, because when Rodrick is lifeless and burned; that's when the sky is not that much more blue, and the clouds are not that much more white; the sun is not that much more warm.

* * *

I woke up every morning at four, after the dream had found it's moment to end, and it was always the same; slipping on the same tank top, the same tight leggings, and the same running shoes.

I would grab another water bottle, my keys, and the pocket knife that clipped to the front of my leggings. When I reach that sidewalk, I'm gone for hours; running along the banks, the river, and over the bridge. Always the same route. Always the same time.

There was always a reason why four in the morning was that much more lovely; the streets were empty, the sidewalks were less crowded to none, and for any reason at all, it was as quite as New York would allow the morning to have. I had that moment, and I wanted every ounce of that moment. I did. And for those few weeks I made sure I never took one for granted.

On 34th and Walls, I stopped at the same coffee shop; it made due from the one in Germany. Coffee had been a big part in helping with the easing of the alcohol crave. Alcohol had become a part of my life, becoming the excuse to washing away the panic attacks and stress that came with my day-to-day life; but it was coffee that would soon take it's place. That was one step to getting better, and it was working; for the most part. I was still struggling with the stress, and with the headaches.

As I walked towards the far side of the shop, I sat in the same spot that had become my place; looking out the same pained window with my hands wrapped around a cup of warm coffee. The lady who worked here every morning was almost always pleased to see me, she didn't have to be, but she was. I would talk to her occasionally, and I later learned from the first visit that she was married with a three year old son. She was the epitome of a mother, and I was always thinking of mine when she spoke about her little boy.

When I took a few sips and the taste of vanilla soothed my buds, I was overcome with the feeling of warmth. I thought of Alex in that moment and how our current "friend" relationship was doing good. For the past few weeks, Alex was always showing up out of the blue wanting to have lunch; and we most likely always did.

In those few weeks, I have seen and spent more time with Alex then I did with Polly. I couldn't tell you why, or if I really wanted company, but Alex always had this way of making herself important in your life. The night I had received the box, and from then forward, she never brought it up even if I knew she wanted to. Alex was trying, and I was too.

"_I work at a paint gallery, in case you were wondering." Alex took a bite of her sandwich._

"_A paint gallery? I'm not following this." I shook my head, confused at the sudden profession._

_"I walk around and introduce people who are interested in very expensive paintings, and I try to get those people to buy them; for very high prices." The confusion ceased and suddenly I was able to picture it, a well dressed Vause, hair pinned up, carrying that sophisticated attitude. It was a very pleasing picture._

"_I would of never suspected you having a real-real job." I spoke highly of the real, and she caught on quickly to it._

"_Me neither, but after leaving the cartel, I needed a job. A stable one, a less illegal one." She continued to eat after giving me a wink, and I proceeded to eat my salad. I was wondering for a few days if she still carried that same profession, and I knew if she still did; I couldn't be apart of her life. I wasn't going to go back down that road, but as I thought about thinking she hadn't changed for the better, I felt a little guilty among all of the other things I was guilty towards._

_"How long have you been out, Alex?" I asked quietly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer, because I wanted her to tell me it was years after I left but much to my surprise, it wasn't._

"_Two months after my mothers funeral. And a few months after that they still asked me to do a few things, clear some stuff; then I was free to do as I pleased. I invested the money I had and bought an apartment here in New York."_

"_Do you miss it?" I bluntly asked and I was suddenly very parched._

"_I loved my job, I loved the money; but there were things that I loved and missed more."_

Alex had tried her best in many ways to get me to talk about my past three years, she wanted to know why I joined, why I never came back to New York, but most importantly she almost always asked when I was going to take her shooting. As those days went on, she went from joking to being absolutely serious; but she had to of known I wasn't about to shoot another gun with her present. I never answered any of her questions fully, it wasn't that I wasn't ready to share; but the answers were only sacred to me, they meant nothing if someone else knew.

After I had finished the second cup of coffee, I was then off on my way; every bone in my body was healing very well and I was able to do most of the things I could before. I went to my check-ups and visited a psychiatrist every Monday, but for the most part, I never talked about my non-ability to remember; and I never talked about the things I was beginning to.

The truth was, I had driven over a landmine, my team had died and I survived. I was kidnapped, kept and then rescued. That was the truth, and in their eyes, I made sure I looked as though I believed it; even if every part of my body felt like beating the man up then and there, while asking him how he knew everything about everyone. I almost always kept my anger in control, after ending up in jail the first time, I made a vow to walk away if that was ever it.

Up until two weeks ago, I had started looking over my shoulder more; and every second I was in my apartment, I felt my insides were burning. Day by day I was becoming anxious, the letter, the note, the pictures were burning holes in the drawer. I had buried them away, I wanted to get better, I wanted to feel better. But that wasn't the case, somewhere and somehow, someone was watching me. They were watching me. They wanted me to remember.

Today I was feeling their presence more then usual when I was running, and every time I glanced over my shoulder or down a side street before continuing, I felt I had seen a figure hurry back into hiding, but my imagination had it's own way of laughing at me. I was beginning to feel as though I was playing a game with myself, in my own head; and suddenly when I flagged down that taxi and hopped in the back, I knew I had to control the game.

"Over the bridge please." I spoke between breaths, I told him my address and made sure he knew I was in a hurry. "I'll pay double in cash if you get me to my apartment fast enough."

* * *

**15 Minutes Later** I was paying the man double in cash, and hurrying out of the back up to my apartment. I never witnessed that mans bright face, or his over _thank you's. _As I walked in to my place, I made my way to the bedroom and over to the drawer. I debated for a few seconds, which in just a minute, I was scavenging the bottom drawer; lifting my boots and grabbing everything that I needed.

I sat on my bed, and for the most part, I was looking at the pictures more than the note and the letter. Those photos told more then I knew they should have, and I knew I was suppose to suddenly remember anything and everything in that moment; but I couldn't. I shuffled through those five photos slowly, over and over again; one after the other. Every second I held those pictures in my hands, felt like fire. I should of known that these were the beginning parts of what I couldn't remember, or parts before we hopped into the HUM-V.

"_Well, are you going to open it?_"_ How could you tell someone, or rather explain to them that the box could be more then just an order, it could be potentially dangerous. If you tried to explain that to anyone, they would think you were crazy and I knew Alex would laugh it over. She wouldn't understand, no matter how much I wanted her to._

"_Alex, I think it would be best if you just left." I closed my eyes for a split moment, because I knew she wasn't going to leave, even if I asked her nicely._

"_Why, it's just a box Piper. Just open it." I opened my eyes and glared at her._

_"This doesn't involve you, Alex." I tried to keep the anger in my voice from showing, but I did a fairly horrible job because Alex grabbed the box and started to open it._

"_Well, I'm here and if you're so paranoid, I'm gonna open it for you."_

"_Alex, stop!" When she was finished, the box contained very little; there was only five photos with a sticky noted plastered on the first one. I had picked it up and read it, I was able to read the Elian Script fluently without using the grid tables. It was fresh and frequently easy in that moment._

"_You need to start remembering" I read a loud, even with Alex present. I stared through each of those photos slowly, and each one was different, but held that one thing in common. They all had to do with my platoon and I on the field, each picture of each member, walking along the desert casually in our uniform and gear._

Sighing, I put the pictures beside me and stood up; there was nothing going to come around just by sitting there staring, I had to know that. I was beginning to feel silly for thinking that everything would suddenly rush back, and even if it did; what would I do with that? What would I achieve?

I settled on a shower after the raid of those pictures, I wanted to clear my head or at least better understand what I was going to do and if I wanted to remember at all. The minute the warm water trickled down my bare skin, I felt all the questions wash away and I had more answers then none.

I wanted to know because I wanted to control it. I wanted to know why there were so many triggers, and why I had such increasing headaches that brought memories I couldn't understand if they were real or just pure imagination. Knowing the enemy and what you have been through, you would be able to cope with that, you would be able to achieve being stable; more fit for the lifestyle you once were apart of. I would be able to move on, and be better.

After I cleaned my body, washed my hair and brushed my teeth; I was getting dressed and then blow drying my hair. I settled on a white t-shirt, blue jeans, and black boots that covered over the ankle of the pants. I had just recently purchased them a week ago, and found that they would be increasingly perfect for any form of act; hiking, traveling, etc. When my hair was dried, I slipped it up in a bun and out of my face; I knew what my intentions were and I was getting ready to act on them.

Making my way over to the living room, I picked up the laptop that laid restfully on the table; Polly had given me her old one when she found out I no longer owned one. _"You need to watch a movie or something, try and adjust." _She said, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought of adjusting. When I carried the laptop over to the kitchen counter, I drew my keys, wallet, and pocket knife; slipping them in the confines of my pockets. I left shortly after slipping on a brown leather jacket from Germany, and catching a cab to the closest cafe that provided internet/wifi.

* * *

I sat down at the nearest open table within the cafe, I placed the laptop on the surface before propping it open and immediately connecting to the internet. The second I was connected, I was already being interrupted. "Care for something to drink, Miss?"

"No, no thank you." I shook my head. I wasn't here for anything but to ask questions, and when she walked away, I did just that.

In the first fifteen minutes there, I couldn't find a single thing. I couldn't find any answers to my questions that stood never ending; and I was suddenly feeling silly for looking up confidential information on Google Chrome. All of my answers were most likely strapped within a file in Germany, in Afghan, in Iraq. Why did I think I was going to find something?

The only thing I was more confused about, was the reason that no one knew any Marine had been killed, or any Marine in that matter was missing in action. Usually someone on the web writes about these stories, or the news makes a point about it; but there was nothing, nothing but a dead end.

All the stress that was raining began to take it's tole within my head, and the ache made it's intense way through. I brought my hands to my face, and started to sulk in my failures; but that's when I spaced out for what seemed like just a second.

_"That's building three." Micheal pointed between a torn down building and one that still stood broadly, it was the one in between that we were going to surface through._

_"And we are rummaging through it, why?" I had asked, and I wasn't given a full answer, which only sparked many questions. All I was aware of, or rather everyone else was aware of, that we were to be clearing out buildings three and four, looking for any signs or notes that had to do with R.K. The infamous leader who we knew nothing of, and came only to stand in dead ends. _

_Looking around I spotted Rodrick walking up with Clef. "Are you two ready? Micheal wants to head on in before it gets any later."_

_In just a matter of time, we were walking up to the front of the building; we were all surrounded by clear hot desert._

Blinking rather quickly, I whispered, "There were no hum-V's present."

When the sudden realization came, I spotted a man looking in from the far side of the room behind the long tall pained window that wrapped around the cafe. I took notice to his blue hat and street clothes, and that's when I noticed he was looking straight at me. "Rodrick." I whispered.

Quickly, I stood up and that's when I watched him move. "No, no, wait." I hurriedly spoke while I closed the laptop, then grabbing it and making my way to the front

and out the door. The second I reached the side walk and looked around, Rodrick

nor the blue hat were able to be seen.

"Rodrick." My eyes wondered.

"Rodrick!" I turned in circles, walking a few steps.

"Aaron!"

* * *

**25 Minutes Later**

When I couldn't find Rodrick, or the blue hat, I settled into the back of a cab and made my way back to my apartment. I was started to think I was beginning to hallucinate things, and I was then wondering if I wasn't making the whole thing up. Rodrick was dead, and so was everyone else, I was trying to convince myself of that. I needed to.

Walking up the flights up stairs to the third floor, I turned down the hallway towards my apartment only spotting someone knocking on my door. "Alex?" I stopped for a second before I continued.

"There you are. Where have you been?" Alex turned towards me, shifting her hands into her pockets.

"I was out. What are you doing her?" I stopped just before her, I wanted to forget everything in those past few hours and for some reason, Alex had her way of showing up in times like these.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out for lunch?" That was all she needed to say, and I had agreed way before she even finished. Soon I was putting the laptop into my apartment and following her out.

* * *

Alex had stopped just a mile over the bridge to a little restaurant named "Two Shots". At first I thought it was a bar, only to notice that it really wasn't. It was a small place with wooden tables lined up around the room, and towards the back was a long counter with stools present in the front. I should of known Alex wasn't going to bring me to a bar, she knew I wasn't stable with alcohol, and I had always respected her for not drinking with me present. I knew it was hard for her, Alex loved the intoxication, and I did too.

The second I took a seat beside Alex on the stool, the aroma in the room had changed, and everything in the reality of it all wasn't about to go how I would of liked it to. "Can I get you two anything?" The waiter behind the counter asked, and I was then paying close attention to his facial expressions.

"A cup of coffee would be nice. Just black, no cream." Alex calmly spoke, and when he looked at me with those hazel eyes, I thought I could see the hatred within them; I shook my head just moments later.

"You don't want anything?" Alex asked after the waiter walked away; I watched him before looking at her.

"I'm fine, really. Maybe in a little bit." That was a lie, and I was hoping she wouldn't catch on and she didn't.

I was quiet for the most part, Alex was going on about how the order for her recent customers' painting was late, and she continued to end off on being extremely annoyed about it. I wasn't entirely listening, I was more worried about the two waiters who were going around each table. Those few tables, with those few people, suddenly were getting up to leave; quickly the place was empty. We had the restaurant all to ourselves, but I was only hoping they would ask us to leave to.

"Here is your coffee, Miss." It was the way the man walked away after setting the cup in front of Alex that got me; I knew he wasn't coming back after that.

"Don't drink that." I focused on Alex, as I turned my body to face her; I was looking then out of the corner of my eyes.

"Why not?" She sat the cup back down, giving me a confusing glare. "If this is another superstition, I'm going to need a drink and it won't be coffee. And you'll most likely be present when that happens." The second Alex finished, I was already glancing past the pained windows towards the front of the restaurant; three men were then stepping out the silver vehicle. I knew everything in that moment was going to change.

"Alex." I quickly glanced back at her. "No matter what happens, I want you to meet me back at my apartment." I looked back towards the front, the men were then stepping inside; casually. I looked back at Alex in that moment. "No where else, just there."

"Piper, what." Alex stopped mid word, she was then glaring up at the tall dark haired man that stood inches between us, just inches back. "Can I fucking help you?" I closed my eyes, and started to count to ten slowly.

I could sense the mans' smile before I could even see it, and I was just about to count on nine. The minute the mans' hand was resting on my shoulder, I was using my right wrist to hit his hand away, quickly then turning on the stool to kick him in the gut with my heel while I used the counter for support. The man was then falling back onto the floor. "Piper, what the fuck!"

"Alex, you need to leave." Quickly, I was getting off of the stool and the second I realized Alex wasn't moving, I turned to look at her; completely ignoring the other two men. "Alex, get the fuck up and go!" I yelled.

I could tell in Alex's expression that she didn't want to leave, but when she got up and turned to the side, the waiter from earlier had given her a right hook. Alex was then on the floor, gripping the side of her face. "You fucking-" I couldn't finish what I was going to say, I could already feel the two men grabbing my arms and pulling me away from her.

"Alex!" I didn't want to leave her, not with her lying on the floor; but as I was being pulled away, the waiter was holding Alex down face first against the tile. That's when I noticed she was struggling too, she was trying to fight to get to me.

"Alex, remember what I said!" I yelled while I struggled, the first man I had kicked was clipping the plastic around my wrists, binding them behind my back.

"Piper!" I watched Alex struggle, but as she did, she was hurting herself; the waiter was not light and he wasn't going to stop. I wanted her to stop fighting, I wanted her to be okay.

"Remember-" That was all that I could get out before a piece of cloth was being wrapped around my head, slipping between my lips. I continued to struggle after being lead out of the door.

"Piper!" And that was the last I heard of Alex when I was thrown into the back of the car.

The second my back hit the leather, I was struggling to stay in that position when the third man tried sitting me up right. The door had been closed and he was trying to get me to cooperate, but I continued to refuse by kicking his hands away. Every second I refused, the greater time I had of reaching the p-knife I had in my back pocket. The other two men had taken their seats in the front and the first was already driving away quickly.

When I grabbed the knife, I held it tight within my right palm; the man was becoming more aggressive and in just one moment, I was thankful of the boots I had been wearing. My right heal had landed on 3-Man's jaw; and incredibly fast paced his head turning, along with his body as the blood splattered over the car window from his mouth. His head was resting lifeless against the glass, he was out cold.

Quickly, I was leaning up and the second I did, the man sitting in the passengers seat was turning and pointing a gun in directly at me. These were the defining seconds in your life, when you were in the position that you may potentially die. But in those few moments, you made sure you lived fully through them. The sweat was trickling down the side of my face when I stared down that man with the gun, I was already cutting through the piece of plastic that bounded my wrists; I was only seconds away from my defining moment.

I counted the rhythm of my heart, and I had made my choice when I heard that snap.

In all one motion, in the fastest way possible, and in that millisecond he blinked- I rose using my left hand to grab the side of the gun and his palm tightly. While moving the gun from me I brought the knife up and quickly stabbed the blade into the mans wrist, penetrating it deep enough to go through the other end and stick to the side of the drivers seat. The man groaned, and that was all it took for his fingers to release the gun, in doing so my right hand switched the piece with my hand and quickly I was pointing the gun to his head.

"Fucking bitch." He groaned. The first man in the drivers seat was starting to panic, and the car was beginning to swerve.

I pulled the cloth from my mouth before I spoke. "Tell him to pull over!" I yelled, looking between the two men; they had begun to talk in tongues that I couldn't understand. With their words filing in with my constant, "You speak English! I know you do! Tell him to pull over!" I kept repeating and finally the driver was pulling down an ally way.

The second the car stopped and was turned off, I pointed the gun at the driver. "Don't fucking move!" I yelled.

The passengers' eyes continued to open and close, he was wincing in pain; and in that moment I knew he was going to go in shock if I wasn't quick enough. "Who fucking sent you?"

During this time, the anger was already to it's vantage point and I wasn't going to take any bullshit from neither.

"I'm not going to tell you anything." He whispered, and I immediately brought my left hand to the holder of the pocket knife, slowly beginning to twist it and dig it farther in. He was then yelling in pain, and the driver was beginning to move, and when he did I aimed the gun once again towards him.

"Stay!" I fiercely spoke, before glancing back at the passenger guy. "I swear on my life if you don't start talking, I will fucking kill you." I glared at him.

"You won't kill me." That's when I looked at the driver and pulled the trigger.

"Still don't believe me?" I could see his chest rising and falling quickly. I had hoped now he knew I wasn't messing around. "I don't care about you or anyone in this car." I said between my teeth, I wanted to kill him there.

"R.K, it was R.K." The man tried to say, and I knew that English wasn't his first language.

"R.K is in Afghan, what would he want with me?" When the man didn't answer right away, I pressed the tip of the barrel against the side of his head; his eyes closed. "Speak."

"You.. were asking.. to many questions. They want you dead." I didn't let the confusion settle over, but it had it's way of falling.

"What do you mean they?"

"R.K isn't just one person. That's all I know.. that's all." He shook his head and I knew it was the truth, he didn't know anymore. Using the holder of the gun I forcefully hit him in the head, and his eyes never opened after that. Quickly, I pulled out my pocket knife from his wrist and made my way out of the car.

I was over everything in that moment. I was more angry then I had ever been, and not just about being kidnapped, but about everything and anything that was R.K. The first puzzle piece was found, and I was finally the broken one R.K wanted. Whoever sent the letter, the note, and the pictures were right; they were watching me.

Turning away the car, I slipped the handgun behind my back beneath the waist band of my jeans before making sure my white t-shirt ran over it. I was then walking away from the vehicle and tossing my pocket knife in one of the dumpsters along the way. I didn't care if they were going to be found, because I knew who ever found out about them; they wouldn't dig into it. Whoever was working for R.K wanted none of it to be let out to the press, I knew that the minute I started asking questions on the laptop.

I swore in that moment, I was going to find a way to control the game.

"I'm going to kill every last one of them." I whispered between my teeth.


	10. Out On The Edge

**Authors Note: **Hey everyone, I apologize for the late update! College work has been taking up my time and whenever I try to write, I am just endlessly tired. I'm going to finish up Chapter Eleven tonight and post by the morning or mid-day.

I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for the many reviews, I cannot wait to read more!

* * *

Out On The Edge

Chapter 10

Turning around another corner, I was only two minutes away from reaching my apartment; and the only thing on my mind at the time was Alex. I wanted her to be there, waiting for me; I wanted to know that I had been right. They would let her go, and that she was just a waste to them if they had me. But I knew there was that little chance that I could have been wrong, and I had read the entire situation wrong.

When I turned around the last corner, my steps slowly ceased and I had stopped midway. I watched Alex pace in front of my door with a more worried look on her face then I've ever witnessed, but more importantly, I noticed the purple and blue mixing on the upper left of her cheek. "Alex."

She immediately looked in my direction with the greatest amount of relief showing on her shoulders, she met me halfway before my door. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" She asked, and in that increasingly painful moment, I wanted nothing but to appear vulnerable; but I knew it just wasn't possible.

"I'm fine, really."

"Good because I expect you to explain to me what is going on in one piece, and I want the truth. How did you even get a way from them?"

I saw her curiosity from a mile away, _did she really expect me to tell her every little detail about that ride?_All I could really tell her was I had killed them and basically tortured the last one for information. _Could I really tell her that?_

"I don't entirely know what is going on, and if I did, I wouldn't tell you out here. Let's go inside first." That was the little truth of it all, anywhere at anytime anything could happen.

I walked past Alex towards my apartment door and when meeting that way, I could barely pry the keys out of my pocket before noticing the little scraps by the key hole. Getting down on one knee, I inspected the marks, figuring either someone tried to get in and failed; or succeeded just fine. But why had someone been so sloppy was beyond me, they had to of known they were after a specialist in these types of things. _They?_ "I'm saying they now?" I whispered to myself.

"I'm sorry?" Glancing up at Alex who was now leaning against the wall, peering her lush eyes down at me, I had forgotten she had even been there.

"Did you try getting into my apartment Alex?"

"Do I look like I pick locks?" I wasn't sure if I could smile at this or not, or if it was even the right time to; but I suppressed it by tilting my head as if to say '_is that a real question'_. "Okay, okay. But no, I didn't. I knocked a few times, that was all." After the last bit, I was already looking away from her and standing up, while drawing out the gun from behind the waste band of my jeans. "Are you fucking serious?"

"I want you to wait out here."

"No way." She leaned off the wall.

"Alex, we are not going to fight about this."

"I'll stay, just fucking hurry up." Alex rolled her eyes, looking away from me before she leaned back against the wall.

Turning the knob, I walked in slowly; lifting my left hand which held the gun with ever inch that revealed the apartment. Soon I was letting go of the door and placing my right hand on the other side of the piece; slipping fully inside of my place, my eyes scanned every area of the kitchen and living room. I left nothing unnoticed, but the problem about that was nothing really seemed out of place. Everything was in order, but that wasn't the slightest given moment to immediately drop the whole thing and call _clear._ "This isn't the field, Piper." I whispered to myself, and I didn't think that anyone had been listening.

"But isn't it?" My shoulders jerked, and I swiftly aiming the gun down the hallway; but before I knew it a man was walking out with his hands up.

The blue cap that I couldn't find within a crowd, the street clothes that were hardly ever a normal thing, was clearly standing before me. "You're suppose to be dead." I whispered, and in that moment there wasn't a way I could suppress my shock. He was standing just a few feet from me. "Rodrick, you're not real."

"It's me, Piper." He whispered. "I'm alive."

I wanted to believe that I wasn't entirely loosing it, because earlier I was telling myself I had hallucinated him, and there is only so many times you can tell yourself one thing before you believe it. I didn't want to believe it, and here he was; my valid proof that I wasn't entirely going crazy.

"We don't have much time, we have to go. Can you pack? Can you do it quickly?"

"Rodrick I'm not-"

"I know you have questions and I will answer them as soon as we leave. You have to trust me, Piper. I have a place we can go. Please, we need to-" His head turned away from me, towards the door way and soon he was retreating behind that hallway. My eyes instantly shifted towards the door, and within seconds all the illusions were fading.

I was forced to point the gun in Alex's direction, there was no other way; the man was walking directly behind her, holding up a revolver to her head. Alex had been walking slowly to me, mouthing the words _I'm sorry_, and I wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault. I knew I should of believed Rodrick. I knew I should of trusted him without question. _But if I had made the quick decision earlier to pack, would that of made a difference to this whole situation?_

My eyes glanced in Rodrick's direction; he was leaning against the hallway wall, now wearing the infamous blue cap. When he caught my eyes, he motioned a finger to his lips; I knew his plan right then. Turning my attention back towards Alex, I stared her down. I wanted her to look at me and only me. That was my plan, and if I succeeded that, Rodrick would succeed his.

The define moment when the man walked just inches past that wall, Rodrick stepped out; hitting the gun out of the mans hand before quickly wrapping his arms around their neck, a quick lock while Rodrick dragged his motionless body to the floor. From just seconds of safety, I watched another man barge through the door frame and immediately start spraying. "Alex, get down!" I yelled out just before Alex was crawling and ducking behind the kitchen counter, I watched Rodrick retreat back behind the hallway wall.

While the spraying continued on, Alex had covered her ears and closed her eyes; I knew she had never been shot at and if she had, it wasn't anything like this. My world was seeming more dangerous by the second, and leaving her in Paris from her former job seemed like such a small deal. The guilt was weighing heavily now.

I was just beginning to lean up and over the counter when the spraying ceased for a second, but as I did, I was quickly retreating when the bullets sprayed my way. "Fuck." I whispered to myself; wondering how much of a show these people were going to continue to put on before they would move in to the apartment. Turning my head, I locked eyes with Rodrick; I needed a distraction and I knew I couldn't ask Alex to do so. When Rodrick knew what he needed to do without me having to say a word, or mouth one for that matter; we lived in these moments and we trusted each other with them.

Rodrick held up three fingers, and from then on I was turning to face the counter. Without question or a glance in his direction when I heard the bullets, I stood up and aimed smoothly in the mans direction before pulling the trigger. Head cap, the man fell back, hitting the floor. That was the fourth man I had killed today, and their deaths were weighing heavily.

"We need to leave!" Rodrick made his way towards me while Alex pushed herself up from the floor.

"No fucking shit." Alex said.

"I'll pack."

All of the questions I had wanted to ask would have to wait, everyone's safety in that room came first; and I knew after I made my way down the stairs of my apartment building that Rodrick had been right. We didn't have much time, and they were coming.

* * *

I couldn't believe that I had gotten into another car, after being kidnapped with them nearly succeeding. I couldn't understand physically why I clicked the seat belt in place; from there on out I wanted nothing to do with vehicles. The atmosphere was insanely suffocating, and I was forced to focus on something other then the fact it was hard to breathe.

"We need to run by Alex's place." I said the minute Rodrick pulled off onto the street.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"I want Rodrick to drop you off."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I could hear the frustration in Alex's voice.

"Alex."

"I can't." Rodrick spoke, and I noticed he wasn't looking in my direction after the simultaneously '_what'_ from both Alex and I.

"What do you mean you can't Rodrick. Alex cannot be apart of this, she doesn't need to be, I don't want her to. There's enough-"

"Piper, she has that bruise for a reason." My eyes focused on him, and somewhere among everything I could tell he wanted the same, but for him it wasn't possible. "I watched you both walk into that cafe."

"You what?" My face scrunched up.

"I watched everyone leave and those men walk in, you think I wouldn't be watching you?"

"Up until a few minutes ago, I didn't even think you were alive. You've been watching me this entire time? And you didn't bother to help when they were dragging me out with a cloth tied around my mouth?" I could feel the anger rising from recalling the certain events, but more so towards him.

"They think I'm dead, Piper. I cannot just up-"

"They. This is just so fucked up." Looking away from him, my eyes closed and I was forced to bring my hand up; rubbing the side of my head. The throbbing had started and if I continued with the conversation, it would on get worse.

"How often does it happen?" Rodrick asked, and I was surprised Alex was keeping quiet.

"What?"

"The headaches, Piper. The flashes."

I knew Alex was listening in the back, and I was damned to believe that she wouldn't be paying attention to everything that came out of my mouth. I had allowed Alex back into my life without having to tell her my past experiences on the field, the stress of it all, the kidnapping I went through the first time, and the death of my former teammates; even if she had wanted to know, even if she had asked about a few times a day in various different ways. Alex was hoping I would answer him in this moment, and later I knew she was going to be upset that I hadn't told her in the first place.

"Three to four times a day. One if I'm lucky."

"How much do you remember?" His voice had gotten quiet, and I could feel the intensity even behind it. This was a sore subject for the both of us, and I was beginning to wonder if he knew the whole story. _How did he survive? Why did they file him KIA?_

"Honestly, I cannot tell if I'm just dreaming or if I'm really watching something that happened." I shook my head.

"They lied to you, you do know that right? Whatever they told you, was beyond the truth."

"That's the problem." I whispered, opening my eyes and folding my arms. I watched the outside world fly by and I was starting to wish I could live just a day without anything weighing on my shoulders.

* * *

Rodrick drove over a dirt path that led us down to a warehouse, which was visible behind a patch of tall tree's. Everything about the scenery was vacant, no would ever detest someone was living here; and I would only assume that this was the impression he wanted o give. It was a perfect get-away place, it was the most obvious place to hide in a movie; everything to compare to was awfully close.

As we drew closer, I couldn't help but think about Rodrick and how his life had become after everything. I wanted to know if this was the place he had spent his days. I wanted to know how he was holding everything together and why he felt the need to watch me, I knew he had sent those messages. He was smart, and for what it's worth, I was no longer mad at him for waiting. I just really wanted to know why.

"How long, Rodrick?"

"A month and a half." My eyes closed, and I was then trying to hold the amount of vulnerability that was building.

"Why, did you wait this long Rodrick?" I knew he wasn't going to answer me, that was one of the questions he would answer inside the warehouse. But everything was beginning to feel so far away, and I wanted him to drive faster. I needed to get out of the car.

When Rodrick pulled along side the warehouse, I was the first one out of the car; the air felt enticingly refreshing that it was burning my throat with each in take of breath. Putting my hands on my sides, I walked away from the car; focusing on keeping myself together.

"Are you okay?" I looked up to spot Alex beside me, her gaze was almost always to much. "You're not very fond of cars anymore are you?"

"No, no I'm not."

"Ladies! Come on!" Turning, I walked away from Alex to follow Rodrick inside, and soon Alex as behind me.

* * *

Inside the warehouse wasn't entirely what anyone would expect to walk into. The building was increasingly huge, but very empty; it wasn't filled with tall shelves or boxes, it wasn't really filled with anything. There were a few tables gathered around a small area, with two wide clear boards on either side; where writing and pictures that weren't entirely visible. I watched Rodrick set my bag on another table to the left, and I then noticed a fold out bed laying on the ground. I was reminded of the room in Iraq we stayed, and how uncomfortable the beds were to sleep on. _Had he been sleeping there all this time?_

I watched Alex out of the corner of my eye, and she held the little bit of satisfaction on her face. Alex wasn't entirely happy about the coming situation, but I knew she was reminded of her old job and all the adrenaline that had come with it. I couldn't understand it then, but I was beginning to; and now I brought her into my fucked up world.

Rodrick moved towards the middle of the room, where the tables and boards were present, he motioned for Alex and I to follow him. I could only assume this was the part all of my questions were to be answer, and one way or the other I was going to have my answers.

"Alright, this is where I have been spending most of my days." Rodrick stopped behind the middle desk that was between everything, his hands placed on the basis of it. I was reminded of our group calls and orders; it was a very painful thought. "In this very spot. You have your questions, and I'm going to answer them, but first.. I want to tell you what I know."

Alex came to stand beside me, her eyes were much elsewhere then at Rodrick; but I was only fixated on him. I wanted to know everything in that moment. I wanted the truth. "Go on, Rodrick."

"Everyone is dead, Piper. Micheal, JJ, Sam, Clef. You and I are the only ones who survived the incident. Whatever they told you, wasn't the truth, and I know they didn't tell you the truth. And you know that." He paused, leaning off the desk. "They are trying desperately to cover up what happened, and I'm not sure why, I haven't gone that far yet. There are only so many files you can have handed to you." Rodrick grabbed a few files off of another desk before he sat them down on the middle one and pushed them in my direction. Soon I was flipping the first one open and scanning through the various different pictures of us, of our missions, of our days off in Germany.

"What is this?" I asked, confused.

"They have been watching us for months Piper, years for that matter."

"Stop saying they. I want to know who." Rodrick sighed and I watched him fold his arms.

"R.K, Piper." I closed the file before pushing the rest back towards his direction.

"This feels to much like the field, Rodrick, and it's not."

"But isn't it?" He shook his head. "How many times a day do you doze off? How many of those days do you actually get rest? I have the same dream every night, and how many days do you ask yourself if you were really doing the right thing out there? We weren't, Piper!" Rodrick motioned around the table in my direction, he was angry and my testing him with everything wasn't the best; but much to my surprise Alex stood in front of him and pushed him.

"Back off!" Alex yelled.

"I just need you to remember, Piper. I want you to see that everything we had been doing wasn't for us, or our families, it was for them. We meant nothing. We mean nothing to them. Our families mean nothing to them." I could feel the intensity in his eyes, and I knew the reason then why he was doing everything. He missed his sister. He missed his life just as much as I did. "Know you killed them, Piper. Those men who kidnapped you, and I'm not talking about the car."

"What?" Alex whispered, turning around. _How much more needed to be revealed in one day?"_You never told me that."

"I barely remember it, Alex. I barely remember anything, so it's hard to tell what you don't know yourself." _Vulnerability, Piper. "_I just.." I shook my head.

"Read those files, Piper. They will tell you everything."

Looking away from both of them, I walked over and grabbed the files before finding an empty chair. My whole world was turning upside down, and there wasn't a way I could stop it from rotating.

* * *

"I don't usually apologize, but I pushed you because.."

"I know, I would of done the same. I shouldn't have reacted the way I had."

I was sitting far off to the side, barely going over the second file of Rodrick's; but I was keeping a clear eye and ear towards both Alex and Rodrick. Rodrick was showing Alex a gun she showed an interest in. I knew then by the end of the day, Alex was going to shoot it; Rodrick wasn't very keen to saying no.

"How do you know, Piper?" Rodrick asked.

"We have a past, that's all really. I don't think I need to know where you met her, but given everything."

"Three years ago, I met her during boot camp. She was the toughest girl I had ever met." My eyes glanced in their direction, and I could see the boyish grin that printed across Rodrick's face, Alex soon followed with a smirk._ Did they know I was in the same room?_

"She is pretty tough, isn't she." Quickly, my eyes focused back onto the file before they caught Alex's glance.

"She has to be. We never really had a chance not to, and it's quite hard trying to fit that back into the lives of your family where vulnerability is sometimes a must." I could here the clicking, Rodrick was cleaning an M4.

"I'm trying to understand that, mind elaborating?" Everything Alex was going to ask, she knew she was going to get an answer; with Rodrick it was easy, he was used to all of that.

"Well, think of it this way. If you went from having to watch over your shoulder for twenty-four hours a day, for months at a time, to coming home and being able to sleep for a whole straight ten hours; would you be able to adjust quickly? No matter if you are home, you still have that mind set, you're till checking to see if that toaster could be a potential hazard. Vulnerability on the field was considered weak, and you were to never appear weak in front of your enemies."

"How come..."

"It's easier for me? Because I went home, she never did." Suddenly, my eyes connected with Rodrick's; and for the entire time, I never swayed; I only watched and listened. "She stayed there. She worked every single day, and I spent time with my family." He paused. "If anyone had asked me what the definition of Marine was, I would define her. She the greatest the Marine I have ever had the chance in standing beside." Rodrick then looked away, focusing back on Alex who was listening intensely.

After that moment had ceased, I had gotten up and left the warehouse; leaving their conversation to rest. When the cold air from the night tainted at my skin, I didn't feel like a Marine anymore. Day after day, I was barely holding everything together.

And somewhere along the way, I had lost my reason for becoming what he had just described in the first place.


	11. When Worlds Collide

**Authors Note:** I can't tell you how nervous I am about this chapter, but I am fairly excited to hear how you guys respond to it.

Thank you to everyone again!

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When Worlds Collide

Chapter 11

There are only so many days you could have, before you finally realize that in all but one could make that much of a difference; but in this case, my last month was making all the difference. I suppose I could tell myself that I was doing the right thing, in all the right moments, and for all the right people. Although, I suppose I could tell myself that I was doing the wrong thing, in all the wrong moments, and for all the wrong people.

In just one sitting, I had found more answers and more questions. I had not only read that we were following blindly, but we were cattle waiting to be slaughtered. Every one of our objectives, if I had read correctly, would almost always lead to a dead end. Somehow and someway we always had something to go off on, to pursue the man we had never had a clear visual of. I wouldn't even be able to know why or what for; but I knew every question had it's answer. The main ideal question of it all was, _how long did we really have?_

I had been taking a small run early in the morning, after having to sleep on a fold-able bed for the night, I was very much needing the fresh air; when I stopped along a river bank. I didn't know at the time, that a little breather would turn into watching the different colors of the sky form, while sitting on a bench. I wasn't sure how long I had been there analyzing and thinking, but I was sure all of it was going to end.

The sound of foot steps made there way behind me, and I was only hopeful they would continue on past; that I would continue to have my moment. You only had those few minutes of a sunrise to yourself, before the world knew, and I had been right when I heard their voice.

"What, you couldn't wait for me?"

"I wasn't sure if you still went for a run in the morning."

Rodrick slowed his pace while completely subsiding his shoulders before making his way beside me on the bench. "Now, you know that's not true." He folded his hands on his lap, leaning back against the wood; I was watching him in that moment, because it was then at this time, he understood why.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" He whispered, and his gaze was forward towards the sunrise.

"Yes." I whispered, turning my head.

"The feeling never changes." He paused. "The sight is always the same where ever you are. Always gives me-"

"Hope."

To any other person a sunrise could easily be put off, never noticed, and never admired; but for those who understood what it was like to knowing that maybe you wouldn't have another chance to witness it- had admired, noticed, and never put it off. Out there you almost always compared your world to those who were at home, who strive based on early morning rush hour or late night dinners. On the field, you only strive for what little hope you could get; and you survived another night when you saw that sunrise.

"We should head back before your friend wakes up. Something tells me she will wind up shooting every weapon I have." I couldn't help the smile this time, because the whole thought of it was somehow ideal. Knowing Alex, she was already going through those various pieces.

"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised."

* * *

Our run back had been fairly quick, but extremely welcoming. I couldn't remember the last time Rodrick and I had a good run, full of energy, which carried just a taint of fun. Coming along the dirt road, our pace had slowed and we walked those few feet up to the entrance. In just a few seconds, the reality of my new found world would return and I'd soon be craving those orange and yellow mixtures.

When Rodrick opened the door for me, I walked on through and he soon followed, only he had a better eye then I did. "What are you doing!?" Was all he had to say before I watched his facial expression cease of welcome to a much deserved anger. My eyes shifted to the area Rodrick was currently invested in, and I couldn't quite understand the equation, but I would only soon find out.

I watched Alex, who was standing by one of the tables with a hand to her ear; wrapped up in her phone conversation. "I know ba- I should-" Was all that I could hear, it was all that I was going to get the chance to, because I could already see Rodrick out of the corner of my eye, jogging over in her direction.

"Rodrick wait!" I raised my hand. He wasn't going to take this lightly, but I was only hoping he would.

In those few inches between Alex and Rodrick, his arm was already extended and the phone was now in his possession; but it wasn't long before he was setting it on the floor and completely crushing it under his heal.

"What the fuck!"

"The minute you stepped inside this warehouse, was the minute you were no longer apart of their world!" Rodrick yelled, extending his arm towards the doors. "You don't belong to them anymore! All of your devices are being watched, monitored- this isn't some low class cop business!"

As I stood in the same spot from when I had walked back into my reality, I knew Rodrick was right; but I was just as surprised that Alex had as easily dialed that number. She had to of known all of the basics, she was indeed an ex illegal importing drug dealer. I wasn't angry towards her as much as Rodrick was, but he was always the more careful one and the less delicate one. But with every second I watched his mouth open only to yell directly at Alex, a part of me wanted to rip his throat apart; and I knew I was only moment a way from doing so.

"Aaron!" I yelled as I made my way beside them. "Can you stop yelling!?" Catching his gaze, I looked only at him and never towards Alex. I knew if I did, I would do exactly what my anger had been telling me to do. But Rodrick never looked at me, his eyes were fiercely eying Alex, in the most exotic way; as if to say _this is my castle, you go by my rules._

"I hope whoever you called was worth it." Aaron then left, making his way up a patch of stairs that lead to an overhead office.

"Piper. I." My eyes were closing the second I heard her voice.

"Alex, I know you have a life out there, one you had made good for yourself, but you made the decision to pry into my world. And I can only ask that you don't test my patience. I don't want you to make me regret bringing you into this more then I already am. I have enough to worry about and I don't want to worry about you causing trouble."

Opening my eyes, I turned my head, grasping those lush eyes behind those famous glasses. "Rodrick will get over it, and you have to understand that he is considered dead. His name means nothing if he cannot clear it. And now we are apart of his world; I hope you get that now."

"I'm sorry." Alex sighed. I could tell just by her shoulders sinking that she was regretting that phone call, but somewhere in those green eyes, she wanted me to ask about her conversation.

"I know, and he is too."

* * *

"I will be going into the city for supplies that we might need."

Rodrick had walked up beside me, holding a notepad. He was expecting me to respond and I wasn't planning on doing so just yet. I had been going over the four files I had just discovered yesterday for the past four hours, never straying, just thinking; analyzing. I was expecting there to be something new, something I would of missed, but there wasn't. All that was left was the anger, the curiosity, and the need for more information.

"Piper, don't play this game."

My eyes peered from the file, glancing ahead at Alex who was reading a manual on how to shoot a weapon; she'd been invested in that for as long as I could remember opening the first file. I wasn't sure if she was really interested, or if she was just bored.

"You need to apologize." I said, peering back down at the file.

"I don't think I did anything wrong, I needed to get that point across."

"There were various other ways of doing so, that didn't involve breaking her phone."

"Piper, I can't risk anything." Rodrick turned around and leaned against the table, placing the notepad beside him and crossing his feet.

"I know. But I still want you to apologize." Leaning back in my chair, I tossed the files onto the table. "Now what are you going into town for, and I know you didn't come over here just to tell me, that we cannot go with you."

"Well, no. I wanted to tell you to make a list of the things you might need, I'll go and buy whatever."

Aaron didn't have to explain further, but I gave him a pretty good list with a few suggestions from Alex; and he apologized as well, even if it was just for me, I accepted it. When Rodrick had left, and I was alone with Alex, I knew I couldn't leave her to that manual.

"Alex, wait." I said, stopping her from walking away from the table.

"Yes?"

"Instead of reading that manual, how about I just teach you. Would you be up for that?"

"Are you serious?" After I had given her a nod, I couldn't help but notice the excitement in her eyes; little did she know, she wasn't entirely going to be shooting what she was hoping for. And that only made the whole jest of it that much more thrilling.

"Way to bust my inner child excitement."

"You didn't actually think I'd let you fire real bullets, did you?"

"Well, this wasn't what I was expecting."

I had just finished setting up the last target when I started walking back towards Alex, who currently stood behind two tables adjacent to one another; she was emptying a box that had been filled with paintball's. We were outside behind the warehouse, a perfect place to shoot a little paint around.

"You have to start somewhere." I walked past Alex and the tables, slipping inside the warehouse only to grab a long black bag. I came back out only to find Alex leaning against the table with her arms crossed, glaring at me.

"I don't think your inner child went away at all." I watched Alex smile, and for the second time today I managed to return one.

Laying the bag over the empty table, I started to unzip, and when I was finished I pried open the leather. Before I started to pull out the four guns that laid restfully inside, I turned to look at Alex; I wanted to make sure she was paying attention, and when her eyes were on me, I pulled out the first one. "This is a MKP-II Night Defender."

"And this is a T68 M4 Marker."

"Tacamo MKP-II Assault, and finally my favorite, the MKP-II Sub Machine Gun." With each one, I laid them across the surface only then putting the now empty black bag underneath the table.

"They look like real guns."

"They are suppose to."

"You can shoot them all if you'd like." It was a pleasant feeling to watch the excitement in Alex return, and as much as I was dreading the day she would actually shoot a real gun, I was hoping she would be good at it. "Which one would you like to shoot first?"

"I think I will go with your favorite." Alex crept up awfully close beside me, and I could feel the warmth radiating off her skin. It was a distracting feeling, but just as welcoming; I had always felt so cold, so numb. "Are you going to do this with me?"

"Um, yeah." My focus turned back to the table, I grabbed the MKP-II Sub Machine Gun.

In just under five minutes, I had managed to explain how to load the paintball clips into the weapon and how to remove it; while showing her where the safety was on either side and where to aim the site at.

"Now it doesn't have very much kick, but I expect you to hold it right." Alex gave me a confused look, and I couldn't help but feel she was playing dumb. "Here." I picked up the T68 M4 Marker and positioned it tightly up against my right shoulder blade. "Just like this."

I relaxed the gun from my shoulder and focused on how Alex held the gun stiffly against her own. "Alex, you're too stiff."

"I don't think there is much of a difference there, Piper."

"Yes, there is." Setting the M4 back on the table, I took a few steps towards Alex and motioned behind her. "If your muscles are shaking, Alex, that means you are stiff. You are over holding the gun."

"What."

"Here." Placing my right hand on Alex's shoulder, I pressed down. "Relax." When she subsided her shoulders just a little bit, I went on. "You want to hold the gun firmly against your shoulder." As Alex had gotten stiff again, I pushed back down on her shoulder. "You're not going to shoot the right target Alex if your shoulders are shaking, you're are holding the gun far to tight. Relax, Alex."

The moment Alex held the weapon just right, I motioned beside her. "Just like that, now take the safety off and shoot."

Alex had done everything correctly, but her shooting wasn't what I had expected. I had found the one thing where Alex's confidence wasn't backed up on. "I expected better, Vause."

"Shut up. I can hit it." When Alex shot the rest of the clip, she managed to hit the target but not entirely inside the outline that represented a person. "I swear, that last one was going to hit the shoulder." I brought my fist against my lips in that moment and cleared my throat, I was trying to suppress the laugh that was building.

"You think this is funny?" Alex looked at me, I knew I couldn't hide the fact that I wanted to laugh, but her childish face wasn't helping.

"It's pretty funny." I nodded, trying to hold the laugh as I bit my lip.

"I want to see you shoot." She took the empty clip out and started to load the next. "I bet-"

"I really hope you are not going to bet that I wouldn't be able to shoot each target with one clip." When I watched Alex stopped in her tracks from loading, I shook my head. "You are not serious." I knew Alex wasn't very fond at not being good at something, and for once I had the upper hand in teaching her how to do it; not the other way around. "Well fine, but you are going to regret it."

As I picked up the T68 M4, I loaded the clip quickly and took off the safety. Lifting the gun to my shoulder, I firmly straightened and stared down the sight. Closing my eyes for a split second, I inhaled softly before exhaling slowly. By that first breath, I was already pressing down on the trigger. With every shot, I managed to hit each of the four targets; each splatter of paint indicated the death of a board. When I relaxed my shoulder and brought the gun down, I clicked the safety and spotted my results. Effortlessly, the four targets each had two splatters of paint within the lines; one being where the heart would be and the other between the eyes.

"How.." Alex whispered, setting down the gun she held.

"I'm a Marine, Alex. It's kind of my job to be spot on."

"Everyday it becomes more real to me." Alex got quiet as she spoke. "I can't imagine why you would do it. And I can't seem to wrap my head around how Polly wouldn't of talked you out of it."

In that moment, I had to make a choice, a very fair and honest choice; one that would either tighten the strings or loosen the threads. Alex was beginning to step over my ground, touch my world; _but in the end would it really have been worth it?_

"Polly was oblivious of it, until I showed her the letter I had gotten in the mail for boot camp." I stared at Alex for a good second before continuing. "I left her too, Alex. I left my family as well, for a life that revolved around tough floors and explosions."

"But I can't seem to understand why."

"I can't tell you." I spoke softly.

"Why?" Alex turned to face me, I could detest the little bit of anger in her voice; she really wanted to know. She carried that same look from Paris, those few minutes before I walked away, and suddenly I felt we weren't talking about my enlistment anymore.

"Because it doesn't matter, not to you and not to anyone. I had my reasons. And would I do it all again? Yes, I would."

"You're never going to tell me are you?" I watched Alex leaned back against the table, using her hands for support.

"Probably not."

"Well I guess I can put it off for now, but only if you manage to teach me how to at least hit a target." Suddenly, the pained look on Alex's face softened, and I watched the smile form. It seemed as though she knew our conversation was heading into no direction but one, and I was grateful for the sudden change of subject.

"I can only tell you where to aim, you succeeding in hitting it, well, that revolves around you." I turned towards the table and as did Alex, but when she picked up her gun and accidentally pushing down the trigger, I felt the increasing pinch on my shoulder. "Alex!"

"Oh my god!" Alex was already laughing when I inspected my shoulder. "You should of seen your face!"

"You think this is funny?" I glared up at her. "What if that was a real gun!?"

"It wasn't and I'm laughing because I managed to hit within the lines."

"I'm going to give you five seconds." I closed my eyes, I wanted so bad to return the painful pinch and her sarcasm.

"You won't."

"3..2.."

When I opened my eyes Alex had already booked it, she was trying to hide behind the targets when I began to shoot. "Piper! Stop!" The smile on my face became printed, never swaying, never ceasing after every trigger push.

"You're gonna feel it ALEX!" I yelled before I started to moved past the tables.

"Fuck!" I managed a hit, and she was groaning at the pinch. "OKAY! It wasn't funny now-"

"Son of a bitch!" After the second hit, I stopped and this time I couldn't hold the laughter as Alex started rubbing the paint spots. "It's not funny, Piper!"

"Oh my god!" I continued on laughing when my paced slowed in front of the tables. "You should of seen your face!" I mocked her from before, and her shocked expression made it that much more hilarious.

"You can stop. I know what you're doing!" She crossed her arms and leaned back on her heals just when she carried that fierce smirk. "If you don't stop laughing, I am going to make you regret that you ever started." She spoke softly. But I couldn't manage to stop, even when I closed my lips, the chuckles still followed. I couldn't remember the last time I had a good laugh, I was enjoying the fun, I was enjoying not having to be reminded of what was held inside the warehouse behind.

When the sound of the T68 M4 was falling and hitting against the dirt, I couldn't ever remember it being in my hands, all I could grasp was the sudden warmness against my mouth, and my eyes closing.

_Alex._


	12. Let It Rain

Let It Rain

_"Love is often gentle, desire always a rage."_

Chapter Twelve

One second, in just one second every thread fell thin; tethered and binned. The warmness of her lips held that soft trace of fire, burning under ever touch. She crossed every line, slithering dangerously over uncharted territory, like prey hunting for their mate. Surviving bullets, explosions, crashes, and beatings; it all felt the same, deathly wanting.

The next second, where our mouths part for that intake of breath, only leave you feeling lost; searching for her lips again. _She is poison. _Because with every fine line of her tongue, etching over yours, take a fraction of your heart to beat rapidly for her. It feels good, her lips feel good; where every sense of familiarity crosses paths and home feels much closer now.

The third second, time seems to still. Paint is dripping increasingly slow from targets, every amount of wind is drawn, the outside world feels less scary. She makes you feel _desirable. _The area illumines around you, and suddenly heaven feels more present. Her mouth is what captures you, the taste never distasteful, always sweet.

You have to ask yourself then, "_Will she ever let me go?"_

But there is that one struggle, the other second, that interrupts your fight between heaven and hell; the rush that saves you.

"Holy shit."

Alex and I break apart, our mouths loosing each others touch, and painfully I could feel that crave. My eyes open slowly, she was already staring at me, her eyes asking me if I was okay about the situation; searching deep. Turning my head, I slowly shook out of her arms, the coldness arising; I pried my eyes and caught a glimpse of Rodrick before making my way into the warehouse. All I could do in that moment was run from the questions, hide away my eyes that told more truth, holding the signs of which Alex could only see. She was good at that, always had been good at that.

Finding a wall far from the doors, I managed to breathe; gasping for air. _How long had I been holding my breath?_ That's when I leaned back against the wall, closing my eyes while my head pressed against the concrete; stone cold. I found myself thinking about her warmth, her taste, her heaven; and for the last second, it felt like _love_.

* * *

Rodrick and Alex gathered around the small area, the circular table in the middle while two clear boards were held on the back side of them both. When I had walked up, Rodrick finished his writing and Alex continued on reading the file in her hands. The time between then and now flew, I had flushed every second away; where smiles, laughs, and warmth never felt more distant. I forgot about the way her lips felt, I forgot the means of happiness, and I started to focus on the now. As I stopped beside the circular table, watching Aaron take a marker out and began writing on the board; spotting R.K's name was all it took for everything else to fall into place. The cold and numb me had found it's way back; the aggression returned.

"R.K is anonymous, we have no face and we have no clear name. All we really know is he supposedly runs a group called 'Jovian', and that they have killed countless Marines."

"When I was kidnapped from the cafe, Rodrick, I managed to find out that R.K isn't just one person." I spoke, releasing the only bit of new information I really had; Rodrick looked at me surprised and I could only see a glimpse of Alex's eyes peeling from the file.

"That would make sense, but could it be initials of another group or his name?"

"I'm not sure. Although, we need to make a clear note that he has connections in the U.S; and R.K has contacted them indefinitely."

Over the next two hours, Aaron and I had gone over everything in the files together while Alex stood by, engrossed in our conversation while occasionally giving a few suggestions about who and what R.K could be. She was helpful, and for the first time I was appreciating her criminal background. R.K's connection with the U.S, how he could get men in and out of the country, Alex knew. The idea of her being apart of all of this was slowly growing, and she was becoming more involved, building some ground with Rodrick.

When the third hour had rolled around, I had asked Aaron if he could now explain what really happened on the day of the incident; and why the Military decided to label him KIA. Rodrick's explanation was so vivid, detailed down to the smell of smoke, that I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to remember everything. I wasn't sure I could take the extra hazards that came with it; I barely slept as it was. He went along from the beginning, telling both Alex and I that our mission from the start was to clear buildings three and four while two crumbled. As followed, Rodrick had told us both that when him and I had came around to our last room, from the west wing, we had decided to do a double check. He was going through a few drawers searching for a bottle of liqueur when the first explosion hit, and all he could remember seeing was me by the window.

Aaron had fell through the floor, hitting the one beneath while his leg got caught under deb-re. He included that the impact of the blast was far greater than an RPG; and was later wondering if a military missile hit the building. After, he told us that he managed to shake the deb-re from his wounded leg, he crawled to the window; in hopes of finding or discovering what was going on, but that's when he stopped his story and his eyes impacted mine.

"Should I go on, Piper?" I could only nod in that moment, my mouth felt dry (parched). I caught Alex's eyes before Rodrick went on, I could see the devastation in them; I had to pry mine from her and in doing so, I crossed my arms. There was no time to focus on her look of worry, I had to focus on the things I couldn't remember.

After Aaron cleared his throat, he continued on with his story; beginning by telling us he had spotted me from the window. The painful thought of myself falling from the third floor of a building, and onto a rock hard sanded desert seemed unlikely for anyone to have lived. Later I knew, that was why I had all of the fractured and broken bones. From the window, Rodrick had watched a few men walk up to me and pull me from under the deb-re. But before I could acknowledge the last part of Aaron's words, his voice was already falling distant and I could no longer see him nor Alex.

**{ Flash }**

_I could feel their hands roughly shaking me, painfully pulling me from the heated ground; from the warmth of what I couldn't remember. Their voices were rash and rushed, their tones mixing together as one, that's when I noticed the form of a different language was being spoken. I couldn't make out a word as I was dragged across the desert, my vision increasingly blurry, and when I fully opened them, I could only see gray. I could only feel the cloth on my head. I could only feel the rope squeezing and digging around my wrists. The next thing I felt was the metal against my body._

**{ Flash }**

"Piper?" When I felt the warmth on my cheek, my eyes flushed open and I spotted Alex before me. "Piper? Are you okay?" Clearing my throat, I turned my head cautiously; leaving the warmth that was burning my skin.

"I'm fine. Rodrick, go on." I spoke softly, and Alex reacted differently.

"I don't think that is such a good idea-"

"It's okay." My eyes found Aaron, and I nodded softly. I couldn't afford to stop, I had already gone this far.

Rodrick spoke about how it felt watching them drag me off, how his hands ached under the glass he tried to break, and the never ending thoughts that roamed his mind after I was gone. He couldn't explain everything entirely in detail after, all he could tell us was that there had been two more strikes, and he fell through the last two floors.

I continued to listen carefully, after he had gone on to explaining the aftermath. Aaron woke up in a little cavern, from where he didn't know, but he met a man who covered his face by wearing a mask; Rodrick never asked and the man never told. Rodrick explained how he felt he had appeared in a movie, and even more so felt close to death then ever before. _"I couldn't understand why he helped me."_ He had said before he started to talk about the four files which had been given by the masked man, along with a plan to get back to New York; on high ground with everything Rodrick would need to clear his name. In due time, the masked man would send any information he would find.

"He asked about you, Piper. He told me he watched you being dragged off before he found me. The whole plan didn't spark until he watched you being hauled off onto a chopper."

Everything Arron had been saying felt oddly strange in a very sickening way. The whole reason I had returned to New York was to try and get better, but that felt more like an illusion then ever. All of this was per-determined, things were going to get far more worse before they ever get better. My world was going to flip, turn and shake before I would ever be on solid ground. _How could you go on living a life like that?_ I have to, was the only answer, because Rodrick nor Alex had a life now. We couldn't have a life out there, we had to settle for life on the run; and it awfully felt familiar. The whole idea of running, hiding and going under alias reminded me of Alex, our trips, our old life.

"When was the last time this man has contacted you?" Alex asked, and my thoughts were taken from me.

"Last month. He sent me a package carrying the photos that I had given to you, Piper. He said it could help you."

"How can you trust him? Or any of what he was telling you?" My hand slipped through my hair, the confusion and aggression was arising. Masked man. Questions. All of the _fucking_ questions.

"Because I'm standing right in front of you, Piper. I'm alive, and he helped me. That man has proof, no one is to be trusted; not even the military now. But how can I trust him? Because he didn't try to kill me."

* * *

When our group meeting had ended, Alex and Rodrick went their separate ways, while I continued to stand by the circular table. The act of moving felt nearly impossible, I was drained to the core, exhausted at the knees; while every amount of stress weighed on my shoulders. We needed to survive on our own ground, and I was beginning to loose the security in my home land. _Where was home now?_

I could feel her eyes on me, peering ever so occasionally over the book she was currently reading; even if she managed to sit some distance away, she always made sure she was in clear view of me. She was watching me, gazing at every expression on my face down to every pore; I felt tracked. Alex was trying to get her point across, she wanted to talk about what had happened outside; after the round of paint, the warmth.

My eyes closed after the thought began to process, and I was soon fighting the urge, the hard crave for that warmth. She knew how to draw you in, she was _toxic._ I wanted to forget that the kiss had even existed, but I couldn't help the way my heart sunk just thinking about the way her mouth felt. Alex was getting to me. Everything was getting to me.

Slipping my hands over the surface of the table, I started a slow breathing process. "_Breathe._" I mumbled. "_Breathe._"

In just under a minute, I could no longer feel her eyes on me; and slowly the burning sensation in my throat was gone. I was suddenly parched, and the hunger in my stomach arose. _Food._

* * *

I was beginning to miss the Chinese and pizza as I awaited for my cup of noodles to settle, we really didn't have much but a microwave and a mini fridge. Our meals from now on would consist of: chips, noodles, sandwiches, yogurt, and string cheese. I was then regretting leaving the grocery shopping up to Rodrick.

"I could really go for a good burger right now." I mumbled.

"We could really go for a good burger right now." Turning my head, I watched Alex take a seat beside me at the table. " Who made the food list anyway?"

"That would be, Aaron." I slide the lid off my cup before taking the plastic fork and swishing the noodles around. "There's noodles though, and they aren't that bad. We used to live off these things up in Germany, I'm sure that's why he bought them." I took the first bite, as I closed my eyes and savored the taste.

"I don't suppose we could use a burner phone to-"

"No."

"Okay then.. I don't suppose we could send him out to pick us up some burgers?"

"N- …" The idea wasn't a bad one, but every minute Aaron is out there, is a minute we could need him here if anything happens. "No matter how good a burger sounds, just can't risk it." I savored another bite of the noodles.

"How am I ever going to live off noodles and string cheese."

"You'll find a way." I mumbled as I continued to kill the cup of deliciousness, all I could hear in the background was Alex's chuckle; it was hard to eat then. Everything about her was distracting.

For a couple of minute, while I finished the last of my dinner; Alex had stayed beside me, keeping fairly quiet. I wanted to know what she was thinking in that moment, but apart of me dared not to ask. The thought of pushing her away seemed so close, and I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted, if that was what she really wanted.

"Are you finished?"

"Hm?" My sudden train of thought vanished.

"Are you finished eating?"

"Um. Yes. I guess so." I spoke with a hint of a confusion and before I knew it, Alex was standing up and walking away from the table. I could only watch her then, because in just under a second she was turning her head to look at me.

"Are you coming?" Getting up from my chair, I followed her along back.

When Alex had stopped, my eyes watched her every move as she slide a top of her fold-able bed before rolling onto her side. She then patted the small empty spot in front of her, allowing a smirk to print of her face. "Come be my little spoon?"

Everything about the entire situation now was screaming danger, all the warning signs were there; and her smirk was only one of them. She knew what she was doing and she was succeeding, because it didn't take much thought before I slipping beside her and scooting back against the women who held most of my adventures. When I felt her scoot closer to me, I could sense her struggle.

"How did you ever manage to sleep on this?" She grunted, and I couldn't help but grin, the little chuckle building in my throat.

Turning around to face Alex, I whispered. "I didn't. Well, I never really got much sleep, honestly."

Her face simmered down, and I was only hoping that the smirk would return, that the uncharted waters we were about to cross wouldn't come. But it did, and I was too exhausted to fight. "What is it like? Out there." She spoke softly, as if she knew exactly how it felt every time I was reminded of war, or Afghan, or Iraq. It felt strange knowing that she might understand.

"You ask yourself a lot why you survived that time when the guy next to you didn't. How come you made it through that gun shot but he died from the same wound. It's rough out there, and I'm not sure I can explain it."

The way she looked at me, the way her eyes searched through mine; trying to find any answers that I couldn't give her, but she never asked and she never pried. Her green lush just watched my blue waters, and I felt I could see the heavens past hers. I was looking for home, and she was looking for me.

Graciously, I rolled back over and I soon felt her pressing up against me. The second her arm wrapped around my waist, it was so gentle, she was afraid she would hurt me. It was such a painful thought. With every touch, she had ignited a flame that ran through my veins, burning every inch of my skin.

Normally, I could push Alex right out of my head, I could drink her away. But I was too tired to fight. Tonight I was going to burn beside her, and only for one night it was going to be okay. She was _coping._ Just as I was.

"I'm glad you survived those times." She whispered against the back of my neck, and that is when I could feel it. I wanted to believe she could feel it too.

I wasn't sure if I could put the fire out; _this undeserving love._

* * *

Face first against the mat, I breathed out heavily; my wrapped hands pressing down on the blue fabric as every drop of sweat slide down my face. "You've gotten rusty!" Rodrick yelled behind me carrying a smile, I didn't have to see to know he was happy; but that only made the whole idea of the next round that much more thrilling.

Pushing myself up, I turned to face Aaron before I rolled my neck. "You better shut up now." I was more confident when he slipped his mouth piece back in and jumped little by little in place. He was a cocky bastard, always was and always will be; which made everything that much more satisfying in the end.

When we put our hands up in front, we circled; barely leaning and barely swaying. Our eyes dug into each other, anticipating the next move. I knew that Aaron was going to make the first brawl, he was over confident that he was able to ground me three times in a row. I was rusty yes, but stupid, no. The second Rodrick lunged, trying to grab at my neck to flip me, I had already ducked and spun beneath him, cutting at his legs with one of mine. In seconds he plummeted face first into the mat, the next thing I heard before I turned was his grunt.

"What a play.." My eyes diverted from Aaron to Alex who was walking up to the blue with her arms crossed.

"Alex?" I gave a heavy pant, only then quickly removing the mouth piece. "I thought you were still sleeping, it's five thirty."

"Well I figured I should start."

"Start what?" Confusion struck and by then Rodrick was getting up from the mat.

"All of this." She motioned her arms out word, referencing to the style of play. I was hoping she wasn't serious, there was no way she was serious. "I want to learn, so teach me.." She stepped onto the mat, carrying such a broad of confidence.

"No way." I chocked out.

"If you won't, I know you will." I watched her eyes shift towards Rodrick, my eyes grew wide then. _What? Am I dreaming?_

"You sure you have what it takes?" Aaron walked over from his recent place.

"Oh I'm sure."

"No fucking way!" Was all I could get out, shaking my head; I was still trying to control my breathing.

"How can I stand next to you all alone and do nothing at all!?" My eyes grew more wide in that moment, Alex looked at me with such aggression and such passion that determined she was serious. "Teach me." She spoke firmly, diverting her eyes once again over to Rodrick and loosing mine; my confusion was arising by the second. He wasn't really going to, I wanted to believe that.

Stepping off of the mat, my hands placed on the sides of my waist, and I was then watching Rodrick teach Alex how to wrap her hands. Everything about the scene made my stomach sink, I was beginning to feel nervous beyond anything; she was becoming a reality to this. She was starting to understand what needed to be done, how it needed to be done, and I wasn't ready to accept that. I wasn't sure if I'd ever accept that. I would deny it in her eyes, but not in his. If she managed, she would only be more of a target; she would be in the deepest amounts of danger then she already was in.

When Alex took a few steps back from Rodrick, he held up his hands and asked her to do the same. I was dreading the moment she'd hit the mat, I was dreading the moment he would touch her; hurt her in any way, even if it was training.

And just when Alex hit the mat, I knew it was only just the _beginning_.


	13. Tough Bone

Tough Bone

Chapter Thirteen

There isn't a single thing on this planet that you cannot achieve in due time, but with Alex there wasn't a single thing in this world that she couldn't do, until now. For the past two weeks, I had been watching her and Rodrick spar in the exact same spot, at the exact same time every morning, for the entire period until it was over. Alex never made any progress, and she was growing accustomed to gaining more bruises then the day before; it seemed like she was trying to gain a new one each day, in a new spot.

Lately, I was beginning to wonder if she had been required to have the ability to fight or to hold a gun from her ex-con days. Alex appeared to be in the best shape, she carried that physic that was always looked over and always admired. You didn't think to question if she worked out or not, but I was oblivious as to how she kept it up. Her Cardio and her ability to sense when a punch or a kick were about to happen was just a second to late, and seconds mattered in my world. There was no late call.

I was standing far off to the side, shaking my head the moment Alex hit the mat hard; she continued to get back up, even if it took her a good minute, only to fall back down again. This repeated a good forty-five times a day, and the number only seemed to rise as Alex grew tired. The second she hit the mat again, I crossed my arms over my chest, only to then bring up my right hand to wipe over my eyes; the stress was building. I had no reason to feel apart of this, because I wasn't; I didn't agree with the entire situation, I refused to help Alex in her training. But as the days went on and her failures continued to follow, it was beginning to be a bother. I honestly didn't want her to hit the mat as much as Rodrick did.

"Enough." I spoke, before yelling after Alex hit the floor again. "Enough!"

As Rodrick backed away from Alex; who was currently rising to her knees after I made my way on to the mat, the air fell silent. They were both recovering, Alex more so then Aaron. "Rodrick, I think it is time."

"Time, time for what?" I glanced down at Alex while watching Rodrick out of the corner of my eyes, noticing his nod, he understood.

"She wants me to start going hard on you." He ran a hand through his hair, allowing a chuckle to follow.

"What, what..." She shook her head confused, breathlessly trying to get out her words. "This isn't going hard?"

"I want him to start pushing you, and I'm going to help."

* * *

**Three Years Ago : Germany**

"Get up Chapman!"

I could feel the sweat dripping down my body, soaking my workout gear which was now sticking to my skin. My ears were currently ringing, and I could barely focus on anything but his voice; the bones in my body continued to shake and shiver. I had lost count of the times I had hit the mat, along with how many hours I had been out here in the blazing heat; it was nothing but humid and my mouth craved that little taste of water.

"You don't get to slack here Chapman! Get up!"

My eyes tensed shut when I began to push up from the mat, and slowly but surely I was standing again. I tried to catch my breath when my senses came back, and all I could do was bring my bruised fists up in front of me. You needed to get back up, and I couldn't remember how many times I rose from that mat. I had been sparing with one of the commanding officers, who was currently training me in my fighting, along with the rest of my team. For the past three days, he had been teaching us one by one the ability of watching your seconds. He wanted us to know how those seconds can determine the rest of your life, and the mat only represented your death; your near death experience.

"I don't think you are fit for this Chapman! You should go home, read a book, maybe let mommy tuck you in at night!"

Sgt Tomas was a very overly aggressive man. He never allowed you face down on the mat for anything less then a minute to recover; and no matter how tired or sore you were, he didn't care. Over and over, he would repeat that you weren't a Marine until you ground him. Until you showed him that you had that ability to be one. He didn't care if you made it past boot camp, if you were a good shot, he only cared about your few seconds and how you reacted through them. Tomas wanted you to achieve it, and I was only minutes away from gaining that.

* * *

**Present Day: Warehouse**

From a far, I had been watching Alex unwrap her hands after she had taken a seat on her bed; and since that first glance I hadn't been able to draw my eyes from her. Everything about her was moving increasingly slow, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was doing that on purpose or if I was imagining the whole scene in a rather slow motion.

I cautiously watched her reveal her knuckles, and it was the green, yellow and purple mixture that I knew all too well. The way she rolled her neck had sent all the wrong signals, but the sweat that dripped down her chest had told more then it should. After the kiss and the night that I had slept next to Alex, there has been less contact between us both. She was more focused on building her Cardio and strength to pry into my uncharted territories. I was beginning to feel sick with the idea that I was missing her questions and her warmth, even after I was trying to over come it; there had yet been no possible way.

When I snapped out of my daze, I had started making my way over to Alex before my mind had the time to process what entirely I was doing; but when I got down to kneel in front of her, I took the cold cloth from her finger tips. My eyes never diverted from her knuckles as I began to dab graciously against her skin. She didn't bother to stop me, and I wasn't going to even if she wanted me to. I couldn't understand why I felt the need to tend to her wounds, I hadn't in the days before, I only left her alone to deal; giving her my privacy.

I couldn't understand why I suddenly felt the need to tend to her wounds, I hadn't in the days before; I only left her alone to deal, giving her the privacy if she needed it. Although, she had been more at Rodrick's side then mine, watching over his cleaning routine of the many guns he had stored on the tables. Alex was becoming very fond of each of them, remembering the types and which ones were better from a far or close ranged. She hadn't gotten the chance to shoot one yet, Aaron was more strict then I was. They weren't toys, and he was making sure she knew details before anything.

After I finished dabbing her fist hand, I leaned down and drenched the towel before continuing on to the next. I was more calm this time about being in her presence, I wasn't worried about her warmth that radiated off her skin, but I was more worried about the bruises she continued to bare through. The anger in my body was arising, and I wasn't mad at Rodrick for causing these wounds; but for the circumstances I had brought upon Alex. I was beginning to wish I had never allowed her to bail me out, she would have her good life and continue on with the legal job she had. Most importantly, she wouldn't be in danger, and that is what I was struggling with most.

The second my thoughts were trailing down, I could feel a set of warmth against my cheek and suddenly the dabbing fell short. Allowing my eyes to fall closed, I leaned cautiously in to her touch, admiring the graze of her thumb against my skin. It was all it took for those thoughts to vanish, and I was then wondering if they were even there to begin with. Alex always seemed to have that affect, to bring forth something entirely different, allowing you to think about something other then what was stressful to you; even if she was apart of that stress. When I felt her hand slide under my chin, I couldn't help but catch her emerald gaze in my own, and soon I was searching for that heaven.

The whole area around us seemed to fall through the floors when I watched Alex shift forward; slowly leaning down and eventually finding my lips for the second time. I couldn't understand how different it felt from the first to the last time, she felt brand new and the feelings were beginning to feel fresh. Later, I knew the pain of it all would remind me of why she was a dangerous part of my world.

* * *

A little after four in the morning, I had settled on going for a run with the only exception that Alex would accompany me this time. She was curious, and had agreed to it. Her routine always started with the bag before Rodrick stepped out and they began, leaving Alex against the mat for many endless amount of times. The only decision I had made was to help Alex in her training, but what I really wanted to do on this run was talk to her. I wanted her to know what she needed to focus on.

"Are you ready?" Alex asked.

"Yeah." I nodded.

Alex and I made our way out the front doors before we started to run along the dirt way path that lead us under a bridge. For the next fifteen minutes, I was more then surprised that Alex had been able to keep up with me; but even more so how her breathing never fell short. The most important part to this exercise was the breathing process, if you knew how to control it and conditioned it, there was no way in stopping you from running for miles. I was feeling grateful that Rodrick had been teaching her how to control it and withstand those miles, he was doing good and so was she. I could only hope that by the end of today, she would find her strength. After we had made our way past the bridge, we had stopped along the bank that Aaron and I talked the last time; that is where I decided to talk to her.

"Today, Aaron isn't going to be your commanding officer. He isn't going to be your training partner, and he isn't going to let you have your moment."

"My moment?" Alex asked.

"He isn't going to let you stay on that mat for too long, and you're going to hit that blue harder than you have before. Rodrick isn't going to go easy and neither will I." Alex and I were sitting on that same bench Rodrick had sneaked up on me the last time, but instead I felt a little different inside. "I am going to help you find that survival mindset, Alex."

"Survival mindset?"

"I want you to find that trigger, the one bone in your body that kicks in when you know you or somebody else is going to die if you don't get back up."

"How do you find that when you're training?"

"By treating this other then a game. You look at that mat as your failure, your death, someones death."

"How are you going to teach me that?"

"You're going to be pushed and shoved until you body shakes, and you will feel powerless until you find that trigger." I leaned back against the wood, before I glanced out towards that sunrise. "And you will find that trigger."

* * *

Standing over the blue mat, I walked along the sides; watching Alex repeatedly fall against floor, more quickly and more roughly. Rodrick wasn't going the least bit easy, but he wasn't going all that hard either. He almost always refrained from punching or kicking, and he rarely allowed her a hit against him. Aaron would mainly wait for Alex to make a move and counter it, I couldn't say it was fair, but the world we were living in was neither. At the end of the last fall, Alex was taking her time getting up and that's when the struggle of everything was going to happen. Training was now gone.

"Get up, Alex!" I yelled from the sidelines. "Get the fuck up!"

I watched her slowly rise from her spot, only to turn around and be thrown to the floor once again. This time she ground against the mat, and I couldn't feel a single bone in my body to defend her. She wanted me to teach her, she wanted me to be apart of this, and I was going to be. I was going to be the hard one and Rodrick was going to be the one to bring the punches. Alex's ears were going to ring just like mine had been, and by the end of the day; she was going to find that trigger.

"You call that getting up!" I moved from the side and got on one knee beside her, the yelling continued. "Get up Alex! This isn't a game!"

Alex's shoulders shook, she was trying to dismiss my voice and I could tell her head was spinning when she wobbled to her feet; her eyes blinking quickly. I wanted her to ground him, I wanted her to feel accomplished, and I most importantly wanted her to feel empowered. The worry and stress was weighing, I wanted her to prove me wrong.

When Alex held her fists up in front of her, I wanted to believe that in this moment it was her time; but when she moved in and Rodrick turned and brought her to the floor, I watched her body go numb. "Alex!"

Kneeling beside her, I slide my hands over her cheek and began to tap at her skin. "Alex, can you hear me." I spoke hurriedly, continuing the tapping while Rodrick came to kneel on the other side of her. When I saw the faint movement in Alex, I sighed in relief.

"She's fine, she just blacked out for a moment, Piper." I gave him a glare and from then he walked off the mat, holding his hands up.

"That wasn't too bad." Alex whispered with a groan. "Can we go again? I think I almost had him."

Removing my hands from her faced, a sigh fell for the second time, and from there on I knew Alex wasn't going to get that _tough bone_ unless she was faced with a real dilemma, which in return realizing this only sparked an idea.

* * *

"She isn't going to like this."

"She doesn't have a choice, and we are running out of time."

Rodrick had been standing in front of me for the past minute, tying my wrists together with a long rope; which would eventually wrap around the metal bar over head, sealing my hands and arms above me. Through the entire process, I had been checking to see if Aaron was tying the rope as tightly as he could. I wanted the entire situation to appear and feel real, I couldn't afford Rodrick being defensive about it.

When he was finished, he tossed the rope over head and slowly began to pull on the other side; which in return lifted my arms above me. After he finished securing the other end, he walked back over to face me. I watched Aaron analyze his success, going over the binding and watching my facial expressions. As I pulled on the rope, I knew I wasn't going to be able to move from the spot I was currently standing in, and in return I answered his obvious look. "It's perfect."

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Aaron crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm sure, but Rodrick.."

"Hm?"

"I need you to look at me and tell me that you're not going to back out. That you will not go easy on her."

"I won't back out. I won't go easy." He had given me a serious look, one which told me he understood everything, and the amount of security weighing on him would cease. Aaron knew what he needed to do, and I was only hoping he would succeed by pulling through.

As Rodrick turned, beginning to walk away from me and stopping just over the mat; my eyes followed him. My side from where I was standing had been facing him, and all I could see was his back; but Alex was going to be in my clear view. It was only a matter of time before she would be stumbling on up, questioning; even if time wasn't going to be weighing on her side.

In a mere matters of minutes, I watched Alex take those few steps on to the blue mat; wearing a red tank top, black spandex bottoms with her hair up and her hands wrapped. I didn't think she could ever look more beautiful in workout gear, and she never looked more ready for a fight then she did today, even if she was oblivious to what was currently about to happen.

"What's this?" Alex grinned, pointing in my direction; Rodrick had his arms crossed and from what I could sense, he wasn't smiling.

"We are taking a different approach today." Rodrick went on. "You can already see the state Piper is in, but what you fail to notice is the contraption facing her."

My eyes diverted away, seeking the M4 which stood restfully on a table with wires coming out of it. Rodrick had built it earlier last night, after I had shared the idea with him.

"In just under two minutes, when that timer behind me reaches zero, that gun will go off. And I'm only sure you know what will happen after that." From the corner, I spotted Alex's confusion.

"This is a joke right?" Alex chuckled, crossing her arms.

"This isn't a joke, Alex. This style of play is easy, you ground me before zero and the timer stops."

"So the gun knows when you're down?"

"I will press the button I have in my pocket."

"Piper, are you fucking serious?" The way she looked at me, she was fighting it, and when she saw the truth in my eyes that was all it took. "You're not doing this! You can't!"

When Alex began to walk across the mat in the direction of Rodrick, I hadn't expected everything to fall so fast. The second before she reached him, Aaron was already shoving Alex back roughly. It was only then that she tried to push past him, and it onl

When Alex began to walk across the mat in the direction of Rodrick, I hadn't expected everything to fall so fast. The second before she reached him, Aaron was already making that first step into shoving her away. As she reacted with a confused and angered look, she tried to push past him again, only his fist was already penetrating the side of her face. I watched Alex fall to the ground, wiping the taint of blood trailing from her lip.

"Two minutes, that's all you have." Rodrick whispered fiercely, and I knew from then on when he took out that button for the concentration, every defensive bone in his body was long gone. After he pressed that little green light, the timer started it's countdown, and with every second; I grew uneasy.

**1:35 in decreasing**

"You can't do this!"

Alex rose from her spot quickly, yelling continuously at Rodrick and I. Alex needed to pay attention to the timer, to the seconds. She was growing anxious while Rodrick grew angry that she wasn't doing anything, that's when I noticed Alex try again to push past him; only ending up on the floor.

"Get the fuck up and ground me! You don't have much time!"

**1:00 in decreasing**

The second Alex pushed up from the mat, I watched her facial expression change; she was beginning to feel that weight. That sense of dread that everything might fall. She wanted nothing in that moment but to move past Rodrick, and he was keeping everything in play behind him like his own. Alex was trying to hunt what was hers and Rodrick was trying to defend that. This was the style of play, and I finally watched her raise her hands above her face and realizing that she had to fight. She needed that survival.

When Alex dodged one of Rodrick's punches, I was only shocked as much as he was when she offered a right hook before she brought another to the field. He was then spitting a little amount of blood onto the mat, which only made him grow more angry. Whatever style of play it might be, and for whatever reason, Aaron never liked to loose. He was a stubborn bastard and even in this situation, he always allowed that to overcrowd his thoughts. I was beginning to feel faint about the contraption.

"Nice. Nice." He whispered before quickly pushing forward, landing a few right punches to Alex's rib cage. I watched her fall to her knees, gasping for air and the reality to stay awake.

**40 Seconds in decreasing**

"Get up.." Rodrick bended down and spit out a patch of blood on the mat beside Alex. "Or I'm going to stand here and count down those seconds!"

**30 Seconds in decreasing**

I watched Alex slowly rise from her spot and Rodrick backed up from the on, I wanted nothing but to say something; to tell her that it was okay to get a little messy.

**20 Seconds in decreasing**

The minute Alex stood on her two feet, arms hanging by her side, I caught her eyes; her glance and her look. We shared a moment in between those few moments that told more than you could explain. And in that moment, I wanted to believe she found her trigger; because in only the next few seconds, when Rodrick went in for that next hook.. I couldn't believe my eyes.

**15 Seconds in decreasing**

Alex dogged his hook and upper cut his rib cage before leaning a left hook against his jaw. When he didn't stumble to the floor, Alex continued on punching, using her right hooks more then her left. She was wailing until he dogged the last and grabbed her body before pulling her to the floor.

**10 Seconds in decreasing**

As she hit the mat, Rodrick stumbled; I could sense his energy was wailing and Alex had seeled her opportunity the moment she saw it. My eyes watched intensely in these last few seconds, because I could barely see Alex behind Rodrick when he turned around towards me. _5 seconds._ When Aaron fell to the floor face first gripping at his leg, I watched Alex flip him over trying to grab the switch that was held in his pocket.

Time just wasn't on her side.. "Piper!"

_Sound of a shot._


	14. Waves

**Authors Note: For all of you who are following this story, thank you. During this week, this story has reached 102 followers; and I cannot tell you how amazing it is to see that. I cannot express the feeling. I also wanted to apologize for how increasingly late this chapter was in updating, I know there really isn't any excuse but I wanted you guys to know that I didn't forget about this story! I had a very stressful and busy week with college. I was trying to write in between everything, and I couldn't find the time to finish. So for all of that mess, I had decided to make this a chapter that is split into two parts; a rather large game of play. I apologize again for the late update.**

**I hope you all had a very exceptional Halloween! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you to all of the followers, it really means a lot.**

**Much Love, MnJae.**

* * *

_Waves_

Chapter 14- Part One

I could feel it. I could feel the rough pinch against my skin behind the gray cloth that had covered what little it could. I swallowed, the weight of my wrists dangling above me and I couldn't help but glance down; eyes catching the spot of red. The only problem was that it didn't hurt, I couldn't feel it penetrating farther then it did. My lips parted, breathing out lightly while I watched the red paint drip down my shirt. There was never a single moment, whether it would be a real bullet or not, you were almost always anxious. Almost always dreading that moment.

Drawing my eyes away from the red, I caught Alex's heavy glance and when she spotted the paint; I watched her lean all of her weight down to her knees. She had sighed in relief before dropping the remote, it was only then that her eyes closed and I could see the sudden change in her bodies motion when she got up, walking past the doors of the warehouse. I could only catch a glance of her shaking her head, and the anger in her eyes; I couldn't move. I was stuck in place, dangling, and watching her walk away.

"RODRICK!" I yelled, before looking up at my hands as I started to pull and tug as hard as I could. "RODRICK!"

I never stopped trying to UN-bind my hands, all I could focus on was getting out and running after Alex. Rodrick barely moved, he was still in pain on the floor; clutching his leg and coughing out the blood from his lips. I wanted him to get up, to crawl, I was desperate to be released. I was desperate to reach Alex.

"Rodrick, so help me if you do not get up!" I glared in his direction, spitting through my teeth fiercely; I was more then anxious at this time.

Aaron rolled over achingly slow, clenching his fists while rising from the mat only to limp in my direction. I was regretting that moment earlier, when I had him tie my wrists increasingly tight. I was no longer paying attention to the fact Alex had found her _tough bone_, that she finally found that piece of anger, I didn't seem care. While Rodrick started to UN-tie my hands, my eyes could only focus on that door; I could only focus on the strain releasing from my skin. When I felt no bind, and my arms fell to the side; throbbing, I ran towards the exit.

* * *

I walked past those doors, immediately stopping not that far out when I caught the sight of Alex before me, just a few feet away. Her back turned to me, hands on her hips, quiet as the morning breeze. The loud sound of the door closing shut is what had seemed to catch her attention, she knew who followed her without even having to turn around.

"What the fuck was that!?" Alex yelled, turning and angrily pointing at the warehouse.

"A test." I whispered poorly, I didn't know what to say at the moment in front of her gaze.

"A test! Are you fucking kidding me? You could of died! Why would you play such a game, PIPER!"

"It's not a game." I shook my head before continuing on. "When are you going to realize that this is your life now, Alex!" I outstretched my arms, ignoring the ache within them.

"I failed that test, Piper."

"No, no you didn't."

"Yes I did-"

"No! You found that bone, that anger! Now you know what it feels like to want to fight!" I swallowed, taking a few small steps before her. "You know what it feels like to come close..." I spoke my words softly as they dragged on, filling the air as my eyes suddenly shifted from Alex; while she continued on to fight against my decisions of act.

"You didn't need to go that far! You were ready to be shot just to get that point across!?" She paused. "Piper answer me!"

My mind was far away from Alex, I could no longer focus on her voice or the anger in her eyes. My vision was sketching beyond the tree's and the dirt, it was almost as if I could taste it. I could tell we were being watched, and for how long we had, we weren't safe or secluded anymore. They were here, and they had found us.

"Alex." I whispered, glancing away for only a moment to look at her. "I need you to hurry on inside and start packing."

"Are they.."

"Don't." I stopped Alex from turning, I couldn't allow them to know that we knew. "Hurry on."

When Alex walked past me, sneaking behind the doors of our no longer safe place; I stayed out a moment longer, watching beyond the far place. I wanted to know how long we had before they would sweep on in, but I knew the second I turned around and disappeared behind those doors, that we didn't have much time.

My eyes scanned every surface of the warehouse looking for Rodrick, who was no longer by the blue mat. I couldn't spot him, I couldn't find him; and it wasn't like Rodrick to be missing. The minute I turned in place, my eyes caught the overhead office door that was wide-open. I could then see Aaron moving back and forth in the room; he knew, and it wasn't long before I was heading up those stairs.

"Rodrick!" I yelled when I passed through the door, my eyes were following his fast movements; his back currently facing me as I watched his arms lean over the table repeatedly. He was throwing and thrashing things into a black duffel bag, and I couldn't spot the exact contents; but I had a rather intense feeling of what he was doing.

"I know, I know..." Rodrick hurriedly spoke before I reached the spot beside him. "I want you and Alex to take the car and go."

"What about you?" My eyes branching from his hands to his face repeatedly.

"Piper." He paused his actions and only focused on looking at me, I was quiet then; gazing into his brown eyes. "You can't think like that, because they are only after you. Not me. Not Alex. You need to focus on getting out of here." Rodrick turned away then before zipping the duffel bag and holding it out for me to take; I grabbed it not long after. "I will draw them in, and I will meet you at the rondevu spot we talked about."

When my eyes immediately caught the green and red wires, I spotted the C4's lined up along the table. "You're not thinking of..." I spoke softly.

"Yes." Aaron walked over to another table, before shortly returning and holding out an M9. "Now go, and don't look back."

Slipping the duffel bag over my right shoulder, I gently took the M9 from his fingers; and just when I turned to walk away, I glanced back over my shoulder at Rodrick. He had done the same.

"I know." Aaron nodded his head as he spoke softly, and it was enough for me to walk out of the office. I didn't have to tell him to be safe, because he already knew. We always did, but it was always that look that told more then words. You knew the possibility about never getting the chance of seeing one another again, and even with that you still hoped for tomorrow.

Reaching the bottom floor, I met Alex just before the stairs; and in those few steps my balance was shaken like a storm. Everything had hit at once, and for just a split second, you could see the building shake radically. My ears wanted to ring from the sudden explosion.

Alex and I had made our way to the front doors, we were only a couple more steps away from fully being outside when Alex opened the steal quickly only for both of us to retreat back behind it from the quick bullet's heading our way.

"Fuck!" Alex leaned her back against the wall, I was checking for wounds on her before I went on.

"The second I opened that door and begin firing, I want you to already be behind the side of the car. You got it?" When Alex nodded, I placed my hand on the handle and slowly began to turn the knob.

It was such a rush, a moment that was always going to be remembered; where you had to survive not only on the field but at home, on your own turf. As I held that M9 with both of my hands, the duffel over my shoulder, I fired one bullet after the other; and whether or not they hit, I had done the job well. Alex was already on her knees along side of the car when I was moving that way, holding the gun firmly between my fingers as the bullets never seemed to stop. After I was next to Alex, I opened the car door and slipped the bag inside along with the one she was carrying.

"Climb over the other side and stay down!" I yelled before Alex obediently applied. I followed right after, the sound of the shots scurried along in the distance when suddenly my body jolted at the sound of a few explosions. I couldn't think about Rodrick then, I pushed every thought of him a side. I needed to get out of here and make it to the rondevu point.

"STAY DOWN!" I yelled once again when I put the keys in the ignition and started the car. Before the next explosion was heard, I was already pressing my foot down on the peddle and skidding around towards the dirt path.

When I turned heavily onto the busy street, I was already accelerating further down, sweeping in between cars. I had already noticed just after pulling on to the dirt path that we were being followed, and I needed to desperately break away from them. "Piper they were gaining." Alex was looking back and forth between the front and the back, holding on to the sides while I glanced out of the rear view mirror.

"Hold on." I spoke before firmly turning the wheel to the left and crossing the traffic that headed our way, slipping in to the ally way safely. One car had followed, the other was no longer behind us.

"Great job-" Alex and I jolted down, ducking from the sudden bullets that were being fired our way, and quickly I was skidding to a turn and stopping on the break when the second car was visible; heading fast toward us. That's when I quickly switched the car into reverse and back along the ally way behind us, just missing the car from the other way and continuing on backwards while the others started to follow. "Fuck, Piper!" As they were gaining closer, they started to fire once again and I could hear the windshield being penetrated with bullets. I was turned around, looking behind us and I continued in reverse. "Faster Piper!"

The second the car passed out of the ally way I turned the wheel sharply and switched the car into drive, booking it down the road. I had noticed in the rear view mirror that the first car had been hit and there was only one pulling onto the street, heading after us.

The bullets never stopped, and I couldn't shake the last car, that's when I had to make a decision. I knew what the black duffel bag was filled with even before Rodrick had zipped it closed. I knew that there was at least an M4- a few grenades- and ammunition to the max inside. Rodrick never packed light, always ready for what was to come. But my decision wasn't a hard one, it shouldn't be, but it was. I had to make the choice whether or not to let Alex use the M4, to buy us what little distraction we could to escape. That would also put her in more danger leaning outside of the window, and for the rest of the world to be penetrated with bullets if she wasn't a careful shot.

I didn't know if Alex had become a good shot after our paintball time, if Rodrick had taught her a few things; but now it was more of a trust thing then anything. While my eyes glanced heavily to her, out the rear view mirror, and the road; I had already made my decision.

"Alex, I need you to grab the black duffel bag." I pulled onto another street. "Alex just grab the damn bag! Just do it!"

"Okay, okay." She turned her body, keeping her head down as she reached for the black duffel bag that was in the back seat. Carefully putting the bag between her feet, she unzipped it. "Holy shit.."

"Grab the M4 and load it, I taught you that, so you know what to do." Quickly, I was passing by many cars, I couldn't shake them. The anticipation and anxiety was growing.

"Why do you-"

"Don't ask questions, just do as I say and quickly!"

When Alex was finished loading the click, she looked at me for answers and I glanced at her only once. I didn't want to have to say it, I would only hope she would of known the entire time she was loading; but she didn't. I swallowed, biting my lip before I blinked and spoke. "Shoot."

I didn't need to say a single thing after that, because Alex had knew what she had to do when I rolled down that window. It wasn't long before she was leaning out and shooting the car trailing us. I was surprised to see their windshield being cracked with bullets. Rodrick did teach her a thing or two. She kept firing, leaning back in to change a clip and then continuing on. Alex had kept her balance from out the window very well, with every turn and quick get-a-way I would of thought her firing would cease in that moment, but it didn't. She kept pulling that trigger, and her aim was on point.

All to sudden when I drove over that white line, the car behind us slowed down and Alex swung back in to change the clip, it was in that moment everything seemed to dimmer down.

**Crash**

The truck slammed face first into the drivers side of the car and we were then toppling over and rolling. I could hear every crunch of the car, every piece of glass breaking, and the muffles of the vehicle hitting the concrete. I felt my head penetrated the metal to the left of me, everything and anything was returning.

_The walls tore, the building shook radically and I was suddenly thrown through the window just towards the right of me. In just seconds, I hit the ground three stories below, and while the de-bre and ash washed over me; my body felt numb against the warm dirt. At that moment, my ears were already ringing and my vision wasn't doing any better; I knew then, that I was fighting to remain __conscious._

"Piper.."

"Piper!"

My eyes opened and closed, every little piece of glass piercing at the palms of my hands when I tried to hold myself up. It was the adrenaline that had kept me from falling unconscious, because the whole left side of my body ached in pain from the contact of the truck. "I remember." I whispered.

"What, Piper snap out of it!"

Looking past Alex, I noticed the bridge not that far away and I couldn't help but struggle out the words to her. "The bridge."

"Run to the bridge, I will meet you there.."

"Piper, I'm not-

"Go!" I yelled and I looked away, noting the trailed car stopping and they were getting out. "GO!" I struggled out of the seat belt, falling against the broken glass after Alex left. I crawled out the other side, pulling the duffel bag with me. I could only think of the bridge and escaping, I didn't have any other choice but to open the bag and take out one of the grenades. Pulling the end with my teeth, I held the knuckle. Standing up, I tossed the grenade around the torn car to their way. And in moments, I was running as fast as I possibly could to the bridge, to Alex. In the faint distance, I could hear the explosion and I knew we weren't off the hook just then.

* * *

When I stopped in front of Alex, we stood beside the railing, and as I looked over it, my next plan was right there. "We need to jump."

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Alex looked over the edge and before she had another word, I was slipping the duffel bag over my shoulder and climbing over the side. "Fuck me."

* * *

I surfaced before Alex, and I couldn't help but twist in turn, trying to desperately find her. "Alex!" I yelled, my eyes scanned the wavy patterns. "Alex!" When I saw her head poke up out of the water, I swam to her immediately, stopping before her. "Are you okay?" I breathed out.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Both of us staying a float, I look around, trying to find a way up. I knew we had lost them, for now at least when I didn't notice them looking over from above the bridge. That's when I spotted a dock to the right, not that far away, with a ladder leading up to above ground.

"There." I nodded in the direction and started to swim towards it almost as fast as I could. My muscles were aching from our crash not long again, my heart was still racing, and I was beginning to think it would never stop rapidly beating against my chest.

When we made it to the dock, I pushed myself up and then turned to help Alex up. We crashed then, sitting and catching out breaths for however long it took before she asked. "Where to now?"

"We need to make it to the east side, Rodrick will be there waiting for us." I swallowed, trying to control my breathing.

"To another warehouse?"

"No, a plane. But we need a change of clothes. We need to blend in now with the crowd, hats, something." I looked up, desperately trying to think of a place. We couldn't go back to the warehouse, and we couldn't go to my apartment. But before I could open my mouth, Alex already did.

"My place. We can go to my apartment, I have clothes." A part of me wanted to refuse against it but I couldn't, it was the only reasonable place. And we needed to go now.

"Okay." I swung the duffel bag over my arm and stood up, making my way over to the ladder. "You first."

* * *

Alex and I had agreed on a taxi, even if we barely had enough money to reach her apartment. It was the only reasonable solution, we were soaking wet, and walking on the street wasn't the best idea. We would of stood out to much and caught the attention of everyone. That was the one thing we did not need, not now and probably not ever.

When we reached her apartment, I followed Alex up the steps and down the hallway. It was a nice looking apartment complex, it look affordable but also in the range of her taste. As our clothes soaked the carpet before, we stopped in front of her apartment, only there was one problem. "Fuck, I don't have my keys.." Shaking my head, I nudged Alex away from the door and in just one second I was kicking the door open. "Did I ever tell you how bad ass-"

Alex stopped midway, just a few feet from the door of her apartment. I couldn't understand why she fell silent, or why she froze, but it was there froze that made everything clear. "Alex!" I heard them say, running up and jumping into Alex's arms; hugging her as tightly as I have ever seen anyone else hug her. I felt my heart sink, my stomach aching with the sudden realization to who this person was.

When the young female dragged Alex into the living room, I only followed, desperately wanting to run away; but I couldn't. I suddenly felt the weight falling on my shoulders, one in which I haven't felt in hours, and it didn't feel right to just walk out. Even though I had the little sense that it should feel that way, although, I felt silly thinking Alex didn't move on.

_You never had the right anyway, stop thinking you did._

I sighed away my thoughts, watching Alex being dragged on to the couch. "What happened to you?" The girl's hands ran over Alex's face, inspecting every cut. I wanted to kill her then, not the young girl, but Alex. For not only forgetting to tell me about her, but doing it a second time.

"Sara, hold on. Give me a moment." When Alex stood and looked at me, that's when both of there eyes noticed I had been standing there. Suddenly she was forgetting about everything.

"Who is this?" Sara asked.

"Piper." Was all Alex could say before disappearing down the hallway and returning moments later with dry clothes. She handed me a tank top and a pair of jeans, and it made me sick thinking that maybe she was giving me Sara's clothes. "Change." I watched her swallow and return to the sofa beside Sara.

For what it was worth, I felt going to the bathroom to change was unnecessary, and that undressing in front of them both seemed only right. Setting the duffel bag on the floor, I then slipped off my shoes before I slide my wet shirt over my head. I could feel her eyes on me, not Alex, but Sara. I couldn't tell you it was a good feeling, but a deserving one. "Baby.." I heard her say, and the chuckle fell from my lips when I grabbed the top.

"What's so funny?" Sara spoke.

Temper, I could easily tell. I shook my head, slipping the tank top on.

"Baby, who is this again?"

When the pants fell off and I slipped on the dry ones, the smile printed along my face. I couldn't help but look up in that moment. "Are you fucking serious?" I chuckled again, putting on my boots and grabbing the duffel bag.

"Piper." Alex rose from her spot, that's when I just glared into her eyes and smiled more brightly. I knew she couldn't tell, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find any emotion in my eyes. I had nothing left, and I didn't care. She wasn't apart of my world anymore then I wanted her to be, and I didn't. One thing, never trust Alex.

I turned in that moment, walking out the door leaving not only a shocked Alex but her confused and angered girlfriend. My smile faded down the hallway, I fought the pain with laughs and smiles. For the second time, reaching the bottom floor of the apartment complex, I felt exhilarated for going home with Alex.

"Piper!" I heard her yell behind me. "Piper, wait!" She grabbed my arm, pulling me to face her. "Stop!"

"There is absolutely nothing you can say to me right now that would make this better." I glared up at her. We were standing on the sidewalk, where everything had started with lunch in the very beginning.

"Piper, you know how insane it was to run into you, for you to give me another chance?"

"No. But you did it a second time Alex, and there's absolutely no way you're going to change my mind now."

That's when the clock stroke twelve, when the birds flew from the tree's and the screeching of the tires were heard. I watched Alex look away for a second before turning back towards me and tackling me to the floor. I spotted the bullets then, the loud ruckus of everything being shot at in our direction. When I fell on my back with Alex above me, it wasn't long before she was rolling off and gripping at her arm. "Fuck me.." She groaned.

I quickly got on my knees and watched the patch of red soak her left shoulder. "Alex, sit up. Sit up!" I yelled, pulling her up and guiding her to the parked car by the sidewalk. She pressed her back up against the material, and all I could do was press my hands firmly to her wound.

"Fuck that hurts.." I watched her eyes flicker open after closing, I was surprised that she wasn't in as much shock as a normal person would be.

Alex was bad for me, she always caught my attention and however much she hurt me, for some reason life had always wanted me to come back to her. To push me back into her life at the most undefined times of ours. I focused on her more then my surroundings, and I could of prevented what was to come with the contents of what had been in the black duffel bag, but I didn't. I didn't because Alex was more important to pay attention to. That was my mistake.

The doors opened and closed shut, one opening something else while the other ran behind me and immediately pulling me away from Alex. For the second time, in weeks, I not only fought to get back to her but I felt the pain of leaving her again. "Alex!" I yelled, struggling with there grip. "Alex!"

I felt the sidewalk against my side, then the hard hit to my face.

**Black**

* * *

Chapter 14- Part Two

I was lying there, unable to move, my eyes fixated on the sky above; and it always take's you a while to realize that there is deb-re falling, the ash now crowding the surface, and your body is achingly burning.

It's in those few moments that you notice the sky is that much more blue, and the clouds are that much more white; the sun is that much more warm.

It is in those few moments, everything and anything means the world to you.

The second you're able to move your head, looking in the direction beside of you, that is when you realize that you are not alone. I notice Rodrick beside me, lying there all the same except he is on his stomach, facing me with his eyes closed and his body burned to a crisp.

But it is when you look to the other side that you notice he is not with you, because when Alex is lifeless and bleeding; that's when the sky is not that much more blue, and the clouds are not that much more white; the sun is not that much more warm.

* * *

**Bump**

All in one rush, my eyes jolted open along with my body; and quickly the pain in my face increased. Turning my head from left to right, I could barely see anything and I could barely move freely in the confines of this very small dark place. That's when I listened, and I could hear the engine. A car. I was in the trunk and suddenly I remembered the evening before. Alex.

"Alex!" I yelled even though I knew she wasn't here, how could she be? I could barely move. If I didn't notice her in the beginning, then she wasn't here.

Kicking the top, I tried to open it while my hands searched around for anything the trunk may carry. But when I found nothing, I tried to shift my body closer to the back of the seats, wanting to listen to if anyone was talking. I couldn't hear anything but the engine, and what was going on around outside. We were moving, and where ever we were going, it wasn't the rondevu spot.

It wasn't long before I felt the car come to a stop, and I heard the doors slam shut. I swallowed, knowing that in just seconds, I was either going to live or die.

When the trunk flew open, the sunlight scorched my eyes, burning them to a close. I didn't have the chance to spot who had grabbed me and pulled me from the dark place, because in just seconds I was falling face first into the dirt. My hands were forced behind my back, eventually being tied with plastic wire, and I was then lifted to stand before I was being pulled not far from the car.

Who ever it was, had ordered me to kneel and when I didn't comply, they had forced me down. After that moment, I had the chance to scan the area; I was oblivious to the place. For miles, I could only see faint buildings and bridges. The floor was nothing but dirt and rocks, and just behind me I could hear the waves crashing against the surface. I was in the middle of no-where and death never seemed more present.

I caught another car rolling on up, black with tinted windows and out came three men while the driver stayed in place. Two men followed the one, who I was going to have the pleasure in knowing soon, but it was the way he rolled his wrists that got me. I could already smell the blood before it even started.

"This is the girl?" He spoke with an Arabic accent.

"Yes, sir." The man behind me spoke with no accent.

"She doesn't look like much. Are you sure?" I knew the man behind me had nodded because he didn't say anything. "Well then."

I watched the front man take the remaining steps in front of me and then kneel down. His eyes scanned my face, he held such a serious expression, and I noticed the desperation for blood within his pupils. This man wanted to kill me, but for some reason felt forced not to. I couldn't understand it, and I couldn't understand why I was no longer afraid of these things. In which kidnapping had become a thing, and how it was going to haunt the years to come, if I had the chance to live.

"You're going to answer my questions truthfully. And if you don't, we are going to have a problem."

The man stood up, turning and walking back a little bit. "The first question is easy."

"Who is working with you?"

_Who was working with me?_ _Alex, Rodrick, a masked man who I couldn't trust._ _Could I tell him this? No. Next question._

"You're thinking too much, which means you don't want to tell me. Such a shame." I watched him tilt his head, motioning towards me as his right hand man came hurriedly in my direction. I felt the r-man sink his knuckles against the right side of my face, my head had turned after, pulsing and aching before I felt the second hit.

"Now, I'm going to ask you again. Who is working with you?" My eyes inched closed and then re-opened, turning to glance up at the man who currently held the control of whether I lived or died. "Still not going to answer?"

I swallowed, ready for what was going to come after the man shook his head. "More." It was over then, because I felt every muscle in my cheek tense under there knuckles, crunching and cutting at my skin.

"Stop." When my body felt it was going to topple over, the man behind me held me up right. I could feel the dizziness, the sudden strain to stay awake. "Answer the question!"

"Who is working with you!? Who is alive!?" The man was becoming anxious, impatient, and I didn't care. He wasn't going to get anything out of me.

My eyes fell in that moment, I could only focus on the blood falling from my lips, mixing with the dirt surface below. I twisted my wrists, trying to loosen the ache in which only cut at my skin more. More blood. The bruise on my face was surfacing. More pain.

The front man grabbed my chin and lifted my head to face him. "Tell me who is working with you." He spitted through his teeth, he was angry that I wasn't complying to his demand, which only made the left side of my face perk up. I grinned, my eyes falling on his while I licked my top lip.

"I hope you kill me." I whispered and that's when I had his greatest attention.

"Is that so.."

"Because if you don't, I'm going to kill you."

The man stood, shaking his head as he brought his fist up. He was going to hit me, and before he even had the chance to I could hear another car in the distance; which caught his attention more. They all turned, focusing on the distance while I focused on not passing out.

"You were followed! I told you to make sure you weren't followed!" He yelled, reaching out and gripping at the mans throat.

"Boss we have to go!"

"Grab the girl!" He pushed the man away before walking towards the black SUV.

That's when I was being lifted and then thrown to the ground when the bullets were fired. The man that held me fell to the ground, I couldn't focus after I hit the ground.

When I was being lifted, it wasn't long before I felt the dirt surface against my side. I had toppled over when the bullets started and the man in which brought me here fell to the ground, choking on the blood while holding his neck. I couldn't focus after that, because the slumber was falling close. The last few seconds of being conscious, I watched the man who had held my life in his hands open the SUV door and pause. I didn't know if he paused intentionally, really, or if it was just my imagination because there was someone else in the car; already waiting. When his facial features etched in, he looked familiar; and it was just before I realized who he was that my eyes had fallen closed.

"Thomas..."

* * *

"How is she?"

My eyes blurred open, I caught glimpse of Rodrick looking back from the drivers seat even so often; looking directly at me.

"She is fine, just drive." Her voice. Alex.

That's when I noticed my body lying on the backseat, my upper side in her lap, she was holding me. I didn't have the chance to look up at her, because the motion of the car was making me sick and all I could focus on then was not throwing up. As I felt the dizziness return, I felt her lips on the side of my face, piercing my delicate bruised skin. It was all it took for the black to return, and I fell.

* * *

Warmth had its way of making unexpected appearances, always. In this case, the warmth had traveled along every inch of my skin. I could feel the protections of a comforter, keeping the cold away as it continued to guide me back in to an endless amount of slumber. I never minded sleeping, and I never complained if I had the chance to rest for a full ten hours; although, I wasn't entirely sure how I ended up in a bed and for how long I had been here. My back felt extremely comfortable against the material, my body wrapped up in warmness, I was almost afraid of peeking out and feeling that cold once again. No matter how comfortable it was, I couldn't find the spot to fall back asleep.

I could almost feel my ears perking up, like a dog when something is near. The sound of muffles came to the left of me, and I knew I wasn't alone in this bed. Cautiously, I peered up and spotted a raven haired beauty beside me. Alex, I breathed out lightly, my body sinking calmly against the mattress, but I had the intense urge to get up and drift away from the confines of the comforter. Warmth has never been a lovely feeling, not after going through so much cold times; I had forgotten how comforting it could be.

Slowly, I slipped out, not wanting to wake a sleeping Alex. Why she was here in the same bed, I wasn't sure, and I didn't want to know just yet. When I watched her shift against the mattress, I almost stopped in my place, taking notice to how calm and collected she looked. From this one glance, you could never tell that there was anything wrong with her, if she had been sad or angry the day before, or if she wasn't feeling entirely well; you could never tell with that look.

My eyes drifted away from her and I was suddenly intrigued with how beautiful the room looked. The walls held a polished white, while the simplicity carried a rather unique taste to it. It awfully felt like our place in Paris. I was beginning to feel as though I hadn't entirely opened my eyes just yet, that I was still asleep somewhere far away. Whether it would be in Iraq, Afghan, Germany, or New York, I was somewhat grateful for getting the chance to look back. To fall back to where everything had started. I was then wondering if Alex would ever wake up, or if she would just lay there restfully until my dream had ended.

I had made my way around the side of the bed, before stopping in front of a dresser and reaching out for the silver cup; one in which was merely for decoration. My fingers ran over the metal, admiring it once more, and then setting it back in place; moving on. Gliding my hand over the fine blackened wood, I stopped when the small candles came in front. I smiled, even if it was just a small one while I picked up that rounded essence, bringing it to my nose so that I could smell the contents inside. Lavender.

Setting the candle down, my eyes had that one second to catch the blue- purple- green- and yellow mixture, and that had been all it took. I froze in place, glaring down at the candle, terrified of looking up and catching the blackened ring. But I had to, I was so curious to know, and when I did I could feel it aching just by looking at it. My eyes studied the black eye on the right side, it was more then just a small one, the mixture reached the line of my cheek with a cut above; that's when I noticed the other cut. The longer I stared, the more I seemed to hurt; the more my head ached, which had allowed everything to split.

_Who is working with you!?_

I pinched my eyes closed, which only seemed to pulse the bruise on my face. I wanted nothing but to wake up, for this dream to end, but when I brought my hand to my forehead I knew it was nothing of the sort.

_Tell me there names!_

When my arms reached outwards, I had pushed everything off the dresser in one quick motion, allowing everything to fall to the floor in a loud judgment. "Stop.." I whispered, bringing my hands to face while my eyes fell closed once more, and that's when I turned around and fell on my knees. "Stop.. please stop." My hands achingly twisted against my temples. I was desperately wanting the headache to pass, to vanish, I kept wishing I would just wake up. That I was really in Paris, with Alex, with her drug dealer days, I wanted nothing but that. But as the throbbing continued, I knew it just wasn't possible. "gah.."

"Piper." I could hear their voice, trying to pull me back from the depths of my own despair. I felt my nails digging into my palms, furthering the pain in my body. "Piper... Piper.." They continued, until they were pulling me in to the covens of their own warmth. Alex.

I could feel my back being pressed against her while her arms wrapped around my small frame, she was trying to stop my body from shivering; and I hadn't realized that I was shaking. My hands fell down to my chest and I could feel hers then gripping at mine, she was holding me tightly, heating my body with her own. The coldness of my skin was vanishing layer by layer, erupting against her. I never opened my eyes, I couldn't, the pain was just to much. I was breaking, becoming less whole then I have ever been, and in Alex's arms I could feel the skin of my cheeks burning.

"I.. I don't know if I can do this anymore..." I sobbed out, clenching my eyes that were already closed.

The shaking never stopped when the tears began to fall, tracing down my face and dripping onto the floor. I couldn't stop sobbing, I couldn't stop remembering ever little thing that had happened the day or two before, and everything in between. It felt as if my moment was finally here, that I couldn't fight it any longer. I was wondering if the headaches would ever stop, if I would ever feel completely whole again, and if I could live a day without thinking I was going to die. I was wondering if that was ever possible.

"I can't... I can't..." I chocked out, squeezing my fingers against hers.

I could instantly feel another burn against my right cheek, the drops falling onto my skin, and that's when I noticed Alex was crying along with me. I was unable to tell if she was shaking or sobbing, she was quiet and calm; holding my own weight against her. She was doing her best, but her warmth and her presence was much enough for me. Alex didn't need to cry, it was unlike her to, and that thought only hurt more.

"I can't do this anymore.."


	15. Roots

Chapter 15: Roots

I used to love showers, I'd feel content and happy under the water. I took cold showers on warm days, and warm showers on cold days; that was the routine. The thought of running a warm bath, slipping beneath the surface and soaking my dry skin with a pleasant lavender soap, always felt ideal. But that routine, that ideal, no longer exists. I no longer crave cold water on warm days, or warm water on cold days; in fact, I can no longer feel the pressure of the stream. I only know that it's there, and that it is helping. For years I have scrubbed every inch, desperately washing away the blood. _Disgusting. Pathetic. Tortured. Skin. _Even when the blood is no longer there, drowned and gone, I can still feel it; lingering warmly, trickling down the surface of my body. I have scrubbed and scrubbed many times, but the feeling never really goes away. Because the blood was once there, you remember it being there, and it's always going to be there. My wounded and torn skin beneath the water can no longer be cleansed of the over sickened stains. _Disgusting. Pathetic. Tortured. Skin._ My mind repeats. Showers only remind me of the messes I can't undo, the things I can't take back, and the disasters that impaled my weakened mind. Of all the places in the world, showers used to be my safe place; a thinking stream in which I could forget why I was angry or sad. I would walk out and feel completely and utterly pleasant. That was the control I once had, the control that was no longer there.

I now scrub at my eyes, washing away the overnight tears of my fragile state. Alex had spent the rest of the night cradling me, rocking me back and forth, whispering the occasional _it's okay _line to me. I wanted to believe her words yesterday, but as I laid on the floor pondering the ideal of it being okay, the feeling seemed far away. Okay was far from fine, and fine was far from happy. Happiness doesn't exist in my world anymore, fine, okay, good, great; none of that exists. The water falling on my skin and the anxiety that came with each drop, was only a reminder of it all. _Scrub. Scrub. Scrub._

Alex was waiting for me in the room, I knew that. She was waiting for me to say something before she could. We didn't talk much after our conversation this morning. The poorly communicated conversation that ended with the stream. I could remember every letter and every word.

"Dear Piper Chapman,

You have been requested back in Germany on Sunday, no later then four pm. You will have no later leave otherwise. Dr Keen will be waiting for you after your land, under no restrictions should you miss him. We will have other information on your next mission, please be informed that there will be no later leave, you are requested back in Germany on Sunday. No later then four pm.

That's an Order, Sgt Thomas"

"Alex, what day is it today?" I asked, my eyes going over the contents of the letter increasingly so.

"Wednesday." She spoke, and there was a pause. That millisecond where they were hoping you'd say something more, an emotional approach. "Piper.."

"I'm going to go take a shower." Setting the letter that held my future beside me, I got up, disappearing behind the doors to the endless fall.

Alex had given me the letter shortly after I woke up this morning, her eyes growing wide when I tore the envelope open. I didn't get the chance to ask her how she ended up with it, a letter from the military, addressed to my apartment. The only logical explanation was Rodrick, and I ended up being right when she said, _"I can't tell you more then I know, Rodrick only said to give it to you."_ That was more then enough information. But what I was currently struggling with was having to go back, to a war I wasn't sure I was fighting for anymore. Was I fighting for safety? Had I been fighting for freedom? Somewhere along the way, I had the lost the reason in which I had been fighting for, and I wasn't sure I could find that reason again. Closing my eyes beneath the water, I shook my head. _Scrub. Scrub. Scrub._

_. . ._

"Well, look who finally decided to come out."

I tried to ignore her eyes as best I could, one look and I'd probably fall apart. I didn't want to fall apart again, I didn't want the warmth in exchange for heart felt talks. With a towel wrapped around my small naked frame, I sat down on the edge of the bed, my back facing Alex. I was going to break, push and pull. _Don't open your mouth. Don't open your mouth._ My eyes closed and before my lips could part, I could already feel the mattress shift and the sheets tug.

"How about we go get some breakfast. It's been quite a while since I've been in Paris."

"Alex.. if you think.."

"I know that we have been hiding for the past week, but that's no excuse here. As unbelievable as this may sound, we are safe here."

"I don't even know what safe feels like anymore." The words slipped like liquid,_ stupid- stupid- stupid._

Alex's voice had ceased, I felt the sudden nerve to turn my head and catch a glimpse. I wanted to see her reaction, even if it was costly. I couldn't understand how through everything Alex could feel safe here, or if she just wanted to toss the word around for a good laugh. I wasn't laughing, she wasn't laughing. The infamous smirk didn't burn, so I knew it was neither.

The second my eyes readjusted to the room, the lights overhead and the sheer sun burning through the curtains, I managed to spot Alex over at the dresser. She was drawing clothes from it, long gray sweater- jeans- the essentials; but they weren't for her, they were for me. I watched her set the clothes beside me, she gave a hesitant smile, almost forced. Almost depressing.

"Get dressed and meet me in the lobby." Was all she said, with no eye lock and no smile, before she walked out. Almost breaking. Almost saddening.

. . .

Without much delay, after I sulked my way through the lobby, I managed to lower my restrictions of leaving the apartment. I decided on having breakfast with Alex, somewhere of her choice, somewhere beyond the stream. I was least surprised when we stopped along a strip, which carried big and small restaurants lined along side one another, fighting in between for the next customer. But it was at the end of the roadway where the most popular places came to rest, a small shack; blue and old, while paintings were draped along the walls. Alex and I called this place, _"Our Shack"._ The name is exactly what it defines, there is no in between or marks behind. This little hole in the wall is and was _"Our Shack."_

_ "Mmm.. god it's chilly." I murmured, stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets; pressing my forearm against Alex._

_ "We could of stayed in bed if you wanted me to hold you." I scrunched my nose catching the smirk on her face, she was always a tease._

_ "Fine, I'll just get MYYY burritos and keep them .. ALL to myself.." Trying to present myself taller then I was, I begun to walk away from the taller one next to me. Before I could reach the counter, I could feel her finger tips wrapping around my forearm. She had spun me around, landed the precious kiss and then proceeded to the register. She tasted like, round two._

"I've missed this place, do you remember..." Alex stared at me with the biggest smile, overly excited about the current two breakfast burritos that rested in front of us on the table.

"Of course I remember, Alex." I whispered poorly, the dull and sulkiness in my voice was all to noticeable. The unwrapping of the burrito sparked the guilt, the happiness that couldn't be shared with Alex. It was easy to say that I had felt bad that my reaction wasn't much like hers. This place represented the happiest of times, the hours we had spent on our late nights. I don't know why I had always craved a breakfast burrito, or a general breakfast, after a good run with Alex. And by run, I meant sex. Desirable, lustful, exotic sex. _Sex. Sex. Sex._

"This burrito is just how I remember, minus the pleasures... before..."

Her words grew on me, pressing down on the cores of my body, and I couldn't handle the pleasures that might come with it. I took it in to my own hands to turn the desire into a silly joke. "If you keep talking like that, I'm going to have to take MYYY burrito and go back to the apartment... ALLL by myself." She laughed at that, her raspy chuckle that rang in my ears long after. I wanted to smile, because it had been funny, but the slip never happened; and I was suddenly looking for a distraction. My eyes wondered aimlessly, looking for a possible catch. But what I really was looking for was a way out, a little misplaced thing that endangered both Alex and I's existence; where we would both end up harmlessly at the apartment. Had I really fallen this far? Where living was hiding?

We ate in silence for the most part, enjoying every bite of the burrito which presented itself tastefully and deliciously. The only little attention I had got from Alex was the hum after she took a bite, her eyes closing behind the set of fair glasses, and the roll of her neck. It seemed more a response towards me, a spark that desperately wanted to light; the push and pull I held back. She always caught my eyes, but she blew it off coolly under her gaze. Her skin, lips, eyes, hair, everything was lighting because of a simple burrito. I was feeling desperate for her touch, and sadly I wanted to be the bite she was so delicately softening with her teeth. She was and always will be the greatest turn on. _Stop day-dreaming about the burrito. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"Fuck..." I sighed, setting the remains of my food on the wrapper, I wanted no more. I was full and hungry at the same time, but food was behind my train of thought.

"Burrito.. is that good huh?" Blinking up, Alex rested her elbows on the table and finished the rest of her breakfast; only leaving the grand finally of her lips on the tips of her fingers. One by one, I was drawn. -

I couldn't take it, the teasing, the gestures, the sexual desires she hinted to. The surprising attempt I had made shocked myself, but felt relatively familiar. In all one motion, I became the lioness, the one who had come to devour her prey; and I slide a top of that table, pushing aside the mess we made of our breakfast. I crawled and crawled in what seemed like minutes was only seconds until I locked my lips fiercely against her's. My hands had gripped the sides of her cheeks and for just a little time, I felt like the destroyer. To me, she felt captured under my tongue, under the flesh of my now wet act. She returned every bit, even more strong then I had started forth. I became the animal, craving and wanting; and with lustfully falling into her lap... it was all over. -

"Uh... Piper." My eyes blinked rapidly, peering up from the burrito I turned to my surroundings. I was lost, far away from the lioness I once was. "Did you just.. space out?"

The troubles of being sexually turned on and when noticing real and not real combined. I fell into the day dreaming world, the blackness that overwhelms you when you watch what your mind is telling you to do; what your body is telling you how to act. I pondered and I pondered, increasingly embarrassed under her watchful gaze. But her lips were the only thing I could feel. Surprisingly, they tasted like her. That my poor lioness scene was real, but instead fell short in my post imaginative sexual want. Ignoring Alex before me, I stood, peering away from the table and back to the road. I don't know why I felt the need to walk away, to retreat, but I did. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"Piper stop!" She peered in my point of view, causing my feet to stumble in to her. I leaned back shortly after my body forcefully touched hers. "Why do you keep walking away?"

"I'm tired and I want to go back..." The dull and sulkiness returned, Alex face had suddenly changed and I could tell she could see everything. Every feel to feel and heart to heart, she would know. And I wasn't ready for what was about to come.

. . .

"ALEX!" I growled when I settled in the seat beside her in the taxi. "What the hell do you think you are doing!?" Rubbing my wrist, Alex angrily sat in the seat beside me.

"Don't test me." Lowly speaking, she looked in the rear view mirror. "25th and Munde' please."

"Stop the car!" No response. "Alex, I said stop the car!"

"I'm not taking your crap anymore. Shut the fuck up and deal with it."

There wasn't any real choice that I had, the driver wasn't listening and Alex seemed more pissed off then ever. I was blind on what there was to see or what I was possibly going to apologize for. And she let me ponder, think, and drown in my own thoughts. I contemplated on her feelings, the burrito, the spacing out, or was it because I walked away. My eyes shifted towards her, who was currently crossing her arms and staring blankly out the window with a _"if you say one word, Piper."_ face. The guilt pressing down on my shoulders became indefinite through the rest of the car ride, I wanted her to be okay. But there was more to that, there was more to her face. She wanted more from me. _Why more._

. . .

The exact moment the car stopped, I wanted to move freely out the car, but I felt sickened with guilt that I couldn't move. I was afraid it would be costly, everything is so costly. Alex had paid the man and exited the cab, only walking around to pull me forcefully from my seat, gripping at my wrist with ounce of strength she had. She pulled me along with her, to a quiet place along the rocks; where the biggest Paris monument was shown ahead.

"Alex, Alex stop!" I roughly shook my wrist from her and she turned around, closing the space between us and lost it.

"No Piper, you stop! All of this depressing pathetic face and mood you carry now needs to stop! Yes, we had to hide and fight for our lives; yes, we went through hell. Yes, you lost a lot of great people... but that doesn't mean you get to stop living. You're not the worst thing that has ever happened to you.. so stop acting like it is. Stop acting like you have absolutely no one now, that everything is over! You have been through hell.. but we are in Paris. Fucking Paris of all places! Nothing is over! We are alive, you are alive, and that's all that matters. So there is no fucking excuse to stop living!"

She breathed out and stepped back, before turning and carrying on. I only listened.

"You still breathe every morning, every day, and every night; your heart still beats. And there is no excuse in the book, no medication in the world that restricts you from having a life." She turned to face me once again. "Give me four days. You will try to forget about the past three years, the last week and everything in between. I will forget to. Let's pretend we are young and in Paris, happy and ecstatic about clubs and crazy food cravings. For the rest of the time you are here, you will either forget and live with me or you will sulk in that apartment alone. Miserable, wanting, crying.. while I fucking go on with my life. Give.. me four days."

When her rant came to an end, I watched the shade of green in her eyes plead for my lively existence. She missed me and my fire, and there was somewhere along those empty promises of change that I missed those times as well. But it was her tone of voice in the end that sparked the reality. For just four days, the remaining hours before my farewell, I agreed on Alex's terms. _Forget. Forget. Forget._

* * *

**Authors Note:** Hello there everyone, I know it has been quite a while since I have updated and I deeply apologize for doing so.

In the beginning of November, I was up in Florida for a wedding, which I had the most fantastic time. But when I returned, my college classes started becoming more stressful. Exams and finals are coming up, peering the end of the semester. I usually write on the weekends but those days were taken from me as well, I had a few major club things to do. I have just been extremely busy this month, and I found it a little tough to find that spark to write. I didn't want to rush the words, or write poorly so I waited for a time like this; when I found that spark. Now I know this isn't the greatest chapter, but I'm going to tell you what you can look forward to in the next few. Currently, chapter sixteen is in progress and with either be posted on Friday or Saturday.

In the chapters to come, you are going to read a lot about Piper and Alex rekindling their romantic interests and sides. Yes, you can expect the... _sex-sex-sex._ But with all of that, the forgetting and lustful times, all of that is going to end.

Thank you all for checking in and hitting the comments for me to update, it was really a push towards that spark. Thank you all again for continuing to follow, hitting the favorites and all else. I appreciate it greatly.

Much love, MnJae.


	16. Thinking Back

Authors Note: Before I begin, I wanted to explain a little bit about the last chapter. Many of you were confused and I could understand why, the chapter wasn't entirely fully explained. I didn't write much detail, and tried a very different approach. But that chapter was mainly a filler leading to these next few ones. I apologize for the confusion, and please let me know if you like the chapters more detailed as they have been before that leading chapter. Thank you.

Now onto to this chapter I would have to say that I had taken a very different approach before Thanksgiving. I was getting ready to post it on Thursday, and I was re-reading it, looking for any errors or re-written paragraphs; and it came down to me not posting it. I didn't like the way it had gone, I wasn't satisfied, the whole chapter felt very rushed.

So I re-wrote it and applied the Thanksgiving mesh into it. I know it's rather behind us now, but I thought I'd throw it in- because at the time, it was that time.

Now I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! And if there is one thing I am grateful for it is all of you! I never thought anyone would ever really consider reading my writing, it is a great inspiration.

Enjoy, MnJae!

. . .

**Chapter 16 : Thinking Back**

I couldn't blame her for wanting to go back. I couldn't blame her for wanting to be happy in a very fucked up situation. For her to bring me along for the ride as her plus one, well that sort of logic was already shifting. Although as I stared at this women beside me, who was fixated on the busy streets, I knew she was hiding to. She was just better at it then I was.

"So, have you decided?"

"I have."

"And what will it be?" The second she looked at me, I kept my eyes on her.

"I'll do it, but this doesn't mean we get to play house."

"Well as long as we still get to play doctor, I don't really care." The side of my lip was beginning to twitch, I wanted to smile along with her.

"This is only bound to go down, you know that right?"

"I'm sure we will take turns..." Her smile fell into one of those infamous Alex smirks, the smile I was trying to hide could no longer be held back.

"Alex!" I nudged her the moment the meter said walk, and I was leaving her behind the second it changed. I was smiling then and that smile would continue on even when she caught up to me. Forgetting seemed possible, it was just the finish line that I couldn't quite forget; and I liked to think that she knew that too. I was hoping she knew that.

. . .

**Three Years Ago – Polly's Apartment**

"Piper.. red or Mosocto?" Polly walked over to the dinning table, hands full with two bottles, her eyes peering from either or.

"Mn.. I'd have to go with red."

"Good choice." Pete, Polly's husband, walked in carrying a salad bowl in one hand and a plate of garlic bread in the other.

"I'll get the glasses then."

Polly disappeared back into the kitchen with the brightest smile printed on her face, and I couldn't help but smile to myself. As I stood behind one chair, hand resting a top the wood, I watched Pete set the table after setting the two dishes down. I tried my best to sway from the inevitable of what the dinner actually meant. I wanted one last lovely night with the two who mean a great deal to me. "Pete, is there anything I can help with?"

"Well-"

"No, she is our guest, she isn't allowed to do a single thing." Polly bickered after returning from the kitchen with three perfectly polished wine glasses. "You just get to sit and enjoy."

"Yes, mam'.." Letting out a soft chuckle, I took a seat.

As the evening went on, everyone was seated with a glass of red wine, and the salad with crusted bread was served. We all three enjoyed the beginning, downing our wine and refilling, and talking about the future in which I knew I wouldn't be apart of; even when I pretended to be as the words flowed. It was until our main course was served did all of that become entirely relevant.

"So, Piper.. I hear you are going into the Military?" Pete scoped a little more spaghetti onto his plate, and I couldn't help but give Polly a stern glare.

"What? You didn't tell me I couldn't say anything to him." Polly took a sip of her wine, hiding her face behind the contents.

"That depends on if I make it through boot camp."

"Do you have a branch you are interested in?"

"I just crossed checked anything, but it came down to the Marine Core when I was asked for specifics." My eyes peered from Pete as I took a few small bites of my dinner, ignoring the glare from Polly. I didn't tell her the specifics, or anything entirely related to the military and what was needed to be done before hand. She didn't know how long I'd be gone or if I was ever going to come back. The fact about all of this was, I didn't even know. How could you share information when you had no clear idea of what your choices were.

"You never told me that."

"Wow, that's pretty damn impressive. A buddy of mine had a close friend in that branch, he said it's a lot of work. Tough work. Ever shot a gun before?" He slummed a few more bites into his mouth. My eyes were painted faintly on him and the glass of wine my mouth seemed to draw a rather need for.

"I've been practicing sort of speak."

"Boot camp will be tough. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow morning." That was the result of the many glasses of wine I continued to consume, in this moment was the '_that was the wine talking_' but in this case, was merely speaking the truth. One in which, Polly had no idea about.

"What!?" …. "Is this why you wanted to have dinner?" …. "That's why we spent the entire week together wasn't it?" …. "Wasn't it?"

"Polly.." I tried to speak, but before my eyes could catch the glare in her eyes, she already excused herself from the table and left. "Polly.." I tried to stand only to be stopped by Pete, giving me a sympathetic smile.

"I'll go talk to her."

Sinking back down in the chair, I finished the last of the wine before rubbing my face with the stress of this now created mess. I didn't want to end off on this note, this couldn't be the farewell that I would regret down the road. Polly had to of known I wasn't going to come back. _Did I just now make that decision?_

. . .

**Present Day – Paris Apartment**

"I don't know why you are getting all comfy.."

"What?" I mumbled as I slummed beneath the comforter among other blankets, wrapping myself in the confines. I wanted to sleep, and sleep and sleep more.

"We have plenty of shopping to do.."

"For what!?" I peaked out from under, giving her a wide eyed stare.

"Don't tell me you forgot about tomorrow?"

"Alex.. I don't know what crazy.. thing you have planned.. but I have no interest in shopping." Wiggling back beneath my fortress, I hid comfortably. _This bed beats Af- never mind, forget...forget...forget..._

"Piper Chapman, the WASP-Y women who forgot her favorite holiday? I'm shocked." Even though I couldn't see her actions, I knew she had placed her hand over her chest in a WASP-Y surprised way. I could very much picture it, the lights, the cameras placed around and then.. QUE THE SARCASM.

"Go shopping yourself... I'm busy." The sheets began to tug, forcefully in which I could feel my little fortress begin to separate. "Alex!" I yelled, pulling the covers more around my body. "You're making this extremely difficult to fall asleep!"

"You're not suppose to be sleeping when we need to go shopping!" My body jolted a little off the bed, and I could feel the sudden warmness behind the sheets. She had jumped to lie next to me. "I'll do it again..."

"What! What is so important that we need to go shopping for!" I peered from my solitude, UN-basking the covers from my head as I sat up and glared hard at her.

"Thanksgiving, Pipes."

. . .

**Three Years Ago – Polly's Apartment**

I didn't know how long I had been sitting there, in front of a now cold plate of spaghetti and empty glass of wine. I had no intentions to continue to eat, not without the ones I wanted to share the evening with. The lovely dinner turned disastrous. If Polly didn't tell Pete about my forthcoming then we would be having a great last moment. Then I kept thinking, maybe if I had just told Polly instead of delaying the inevitable.

Pete had been trying for a while now, trying to get a coped up Polly out of their now locked bedroom door. I could hear Pete every now and then, _"Baby, don't do this and come out." _Polly wasn't going to be making it easy, for neither of us. And if I marched right up to that door and begged her to come out, it would of only made her more mad. The more she stayed in that room, locked and alone, the longer I sat here.. regretting the decision I was just about to make.

Shortly, after the room fell more quiet then it already had been, I stood from my seat. I picked up my plate, my glass and walked insistingly slow to the kitchen. I cleaned what I had used and headed for the door. It wasn't the best idea, but at the time it was the only one I had.

So I left.

. . .

**Present Day – Shopping**

"I find that hard to believe, Piper."

"It's the truth." Alex had stopped the cart, and I motioned to the front to read the contents that were on the shelf. We were finding the can of yams, among other things like marshmallows. "And why are you so wrapped up in Thanksgiving, you never enjoyed shopping, and this is the second time we are doing this."

"Like you, I have come to appreciate more things. I should of appreciated more with you."

I took a slow approach in picking up the can of yams, as my mind tossed and turned. _I should of appreciated more with you._ That was to blunt, to easily said. I swallowed my thoughts, picking up the can and slipping it into the cart. "Now are you going to tell me why you never celebrated your favorite holiday."

"I'm starting to think this forgetting term is out of the question when it comes to you asking them."

"I didn't say we couldn't talk about things if it came to it." We began to walk down the isle again, looking for something that may come up on our list.

"Holidays are meant to be shared with those you love, I was always away. I made sure of that. And I forgot about those things as time went on.. I mean we'd have turkey and mash potatoes because it was relevant at Thanksgiving. I didn't pay attention to the form of the holiday, I had a meal, a meal that meant I could survive tomorrow."

"So you never thought about them?" We stopped, Alex looking over the shelf before she grabbed a bag of potatoes.

"Sometimes, I mean.. when you hear about the families and friends from soldiers that they are so excited to see, you can't help but think about them. But for me, I couldn't afford to think like that or else I would force myself to go home."

"I don't see why you couldn't go home." We started to walk again, only turning down a different isle.

"It made the goodbyes easier. Luckily, I didn't have to go through a single one."

"Wait, so Polly didn't even know?" The cart stopped, and I turned around only confused at the sudden realization. "I still can't believe she let you go, I don't think I would-"

"She didn't have a choice Alex." I stopped her mid-way. She was going to get soft and protective, she was going to tell me how she would of never let me go when in the very first place, that is exactly what she did. "I just left." Pause. "Now can we continue, I'm kind of interested in how you plan on cooking this turkey." I gave a light smile before turning around the isle, I could hear the cart following.

. . .

**Three Years Ago – Old Apartment**

After unlocking the door, I gave a small push and allowed it to open slowly; quietly as I watched the darkness crowd over everything. I stood there, seconds- minutes, I couldn't recall.. but it was a while before I was walking through the door way and flipping the switch. Closing the door behind me, I sat the keys on the empty counter top and ran my hand along the surface.

I was leaving this place behind, the little apartment I had spent so much time in. It was the last time I would see this place, and I had to see it empty; boxes scattered, sofa's sheeted and pushed to the corner. Probably the last night I could have staring out that tainted window, watching the city, the buildings and lights that wouldn't be covered in dust. I only hoped the place I was going to go, tour after tour if I made it that far, was somewhat decent. _Another adventure._ I thought.

As I reached my bedroom, the bed laid sheet-less as a brown duffel bag rested a top. The only clothes that were standard to bring, along with the essentials. I was told I wouldn't need much, just the basics along with any addresses that I could send letters to. _"I'll probably just write to them."_ But that was a lie. I wouldn't write and I wouldn't call if I ever had the means to. I would keep every written letter, and keep my family with Polly included a secret off the ones to ever tell if something did manage to happen.

Turning, I sat down on the bed before resting my hands in my lap. I stared at the plain wall, no pictures and no posters, just dull. Just boring. I was beginning to think that my actions were selfish, that my family and Polly deserved every bit of truth. That they deserved to know if something ever did truly happen. But I didn't seem to care at this point, I owed more to my current reason for my actions. That was all I needed to go. That was all I was ever going to need to stay.

. . .

**Present Day – Paris Apartment**

"Did... did you open it?" Alex ruffled behind me, she was holding multiple bags just like I was. But unlocking and getting the door open, well, that was the challenge in which I succeeded in due time.

"There we go!" I pushed it open with my foot before I walked past and laid all of the bags along the counter-top. I proceeded back to help Alex if she needed it, and she had grumbled when I offered.

When we had gotten most of the contents out of the bags, we straightened everything up. The can foods next to one another, the cold foods in the fridge along with the cases of beer, and the others on the counter-top. It never hit me before then, the sudden curiosity of how this place was paid for and by who. How I suddenly ended up in the bed, next to Alex, in a beautiful Paris apartment with a working toaster. "Alex, Alex.." I spoke, my eyes trying to grab her attention as she was crumbling all of the bags into one big one. "How did you say we ended up here?"

"I don't think we ever talked about that... and do you think this is a relevant conversation considering..."

"I'd like to know how I got here, the apartment and.. who is paying for it? I think I deserve that."

"Your friend is the one who is paying for it, or paid for it, rented it.. I don't know. What was his name? Roger.. or something. But he helped carry you in and said everything was covered. He continuously said you both are safe and not to worry." Alex stashed the bags in the trash and just when I opened my mouth, she continued on. "Oh and he is very fond of you.. I didn't notice it before, maybe because I was focusing on you to but he is very touchy. Have you two?"

"I know where you are going with this and I don't think it's any of your business."

"So-you-have.."

"No!"

"So.. you wanted to..."

"Alex, stop! Just no.."

"Good, because I don't play well with others." She walked away after that, heading to the bedroom and slipping into the bathroom. A shower, maybe, I wasn't sure.

. . .

Alex had been in the shower for a good twenty minutes, I couldn't tell you I was really counting the time, but presumably watched the clock when five minutes would pass. I laid comfortably on the couch, my feet pointing towards the opened tainted window and I felt the burning desire to retreat back into hiding under the confines of the comforter. But there was that little feeling that I had been wrong all along, the idea that maybe the goodbyes weren't the hardest part, it was the hello's after you've returned. I returned to a place where everything was completely different, I seemed more out of place then a new student does when walking in to their first class. The more I stared out that window, the more I felt more at home.. in the little apartment I had left behind. _I was wrong all along._

"Enjoying the view?"

Blinking, I turned my head and caught Alex in nothing but a towel wrapped around her slim naked body. "I.. am.." I muttered before sitting up and brushing my knees nervously. _Stop acting stupid._

"Okay... Well I'm gonna get dressed and get some dinner for us, anything special?" My eyes looked elsewhere when she passed by me and into the bedroom, I muttered "No.. no idea's." _Acting stupid, yet again._

Sighing, I laid back and brought my arm to cover my eyes. _Bravo Chapman._

_. . ._

**Three Years Ago – Airport Bound**

"Hi, I was wondering if I could exchange my morning flight to one tonight? Is there anyway that could work?"

"Let me check.. one second." I nodded, allowing him the time he needed to check any flight schedule. "There is one and it's the last tonight, it's about an hour and a half till flight.. is that okay?"

"Yes, that's perfect."

"What seat would you like?"

After I had exchanged my ticket for the night flight, I was able to proceed through baggage and security. I felt the anxiety just passing through, and I was constantly reminded of Alex. My drug smuggling act and how wrong it could of turned out. I failed as much to completely obliterate her out of my mind, my heart. I only manage to seclude her out of my life by leaving her behind in Paris, leading to our broken up and my now single state. I left her at the wrong possible time and now I was leaving Polly behind at the wrong possible time.

When I found my terminal, I had settled on a muffin with a cup of coffee. I ate increasingly slow, took only sips of the warm substance while I watched the many planes fly out and land on the roadway from the window. My cell went off many times, all calls from Polly I assumed. I never answered a single one and I never replied via text. I already made my decision and I wasn't going to back out of it. The constant messaging only reminded me that I would need to call the server tomorrow and ask them to disconnect my phone. I wouldn't need it, so why have one at all.

My flight is just about ready and for the first time in a while, I was actually looking forward to something that may change how things are going. Maybe for the better too.

_If only I had known better._

. . .

**Present Day – Apartment**

"Piper... Piper, hey.. food is here."

"mnn.." I rolled from my side to my back on the couch, still dazedly asleep, to comfortable to eat. "...Alex..." I mumbled before dozing off a tad bit here and there.

"Yeah, it's me.. now get up Pipes..." Her voice was faint, but I could feel her hand on my shoulder, shaking and pestering me to get up. I was to tired to care about the contact. "Fine if you're gonna sleep, at least do so in the warm bed.."

I didn't answer.

"Well, fine..." I could feel her arms sneaking under my body, scooping me up in her arms and picking me up. I wasn't awake enough to realize the current situation and the bothersome that might of came with her, but I was content. "Up we go.." She said, carrying to the obvious destination. The bed came in contact and I was soon disappearing beneath the sheets as she helped me. _To tired to care._

When she turned to leave, I grabbed her hand.. tugging like a three-year old. "Sleep...with me..." I mumbled, carelessly snuggling my face against the pillow. _To tired to care._ Alex was all to quick to act, it was as if she didn't care either. In seconds I could feel her warmth beside me, tucked away under the many sheets of our now fortress of sleep. She scooted close, her body like a heater against my back. I wanted to stay awake just long enough to feel her arms around me, but I couldn't have that. The darkness took over, the warmth bare and tethered, I fell deep into the confines of my much needed sleep.

. . .

I had woken up around noon after a loud Alex in the kitchen, ruffling and dropping the cover for the turkey pot. She looked silly, if I might add, moving from counter to counter cooking and pealing the potatoes. I had offered to help many times, but turned down them all; one after the other. The constant, _"You wanted to know how I was gonna cook this turkey."_ with the exception that she meant everything and anything that had to do with Thanksgiving. I watched her for countless hours from the sofa, bickering every time she managed to touch a hot spot on a pot or pan. She surprised me this afternoon with sets and sets of silverware, all new, and all just bought. She was really over doing it, but I couldn't complain. I tried not to. I tried to enjoy it.

The sleep managed to wash over me countless of times, dozing off here and there, only to be woken up by Alex firmly and loudly. Again, I couldn't complain. She took breaks though, waiting for the little things to finish heating, and especially for the turkey to finish cooking. I read most of a book Alex had picked up along the way from the store, 'Pride and Prejudice', not exactly something I could see her reading. The thought of her picking this one was probably because there was nothing else worth buying. I'm surprised she bought the book at all.

When the late night rolled around, and Alex was almost finished.. she had allowed me to set the table. The act felt to much like home, to much like a formal dinner with the parents or Polly. I wanted to eat by the sofa, drinking more wine and more wine. _That doesn't sound like a good idea._ I told myself many times as I sat the silverware and plates down. While Alex served the dishes and cutting the turkey last, she watched me hesitantly. She was waiting for the moment I took a bite of that white meat.

"How is the turkey?"

"I have to say.. you really put work into it."

"Does that mean it's good."

"It's good, Alex." I smiled, a laugh shortly following. The turkey was just perfect, along with the yams, potatoes, and green been casserole. There was no doubt that we would have leftovers. Alex cooked a feast that was really not all that needed. How she managed to become the cook instead of ordering out, I couldn't tell you. It seemed she did more growing then I did. I wasn't entirely sure if she was showing me this side of her, the gentle type. The _cooking _type. But I like to think she just wanted to show off. "Alex, I wanted to ask you something." I paused, taking a bite of my food and allowing my thoughts to process.

"Ask away, Pipes."

"When we ran into each other at the airport, where were you coming from?" I noticed the sudden hesitation, the confused and printed look. It was indeed a very random question.

"Ohio, actually. I was doing a presentation for an art piece."

"For what purpose entirely?" I continued to eat, following her eye and lip movements.

"You know I have a way of getting what I want, and what needed to be done was selling the piece for a specific price. I just managed to sell it for a higher one, and I got to go home early."

"Always the charmer.." I shook my head. _I just managed to sell it for a higher one.' _"Why doesn't that surprise me."

"Thankfully I did or I wouldn't of been able to run into you."

I gave a scrunched face before grabbing the glass of wine. "Don't get all mushy now. It's really really unlike you.."

"Maybe I like mushy with you."

"And what if I don't like mushy?" I sipped slowly, widening my eyes and hiding the smirk behind the red substance. _Fair game._

"The Piper I knew would of given me that look, and asked me.. _'you do'?" _Alex smiled, cutting a piece of turkey and slipping the fork between her lips. The slowest bite I have ever witnessed. "But I don't suppose that cute... wide eyed WAS-P is in hiding.."

"What if I've changed and prefer a bit more of a push.."

"The one who takes control.. no feelings. Now that's _really really_ unlike you." A wider smirk from her and another bite. She plays all too well.

Setting the glass down, I turned my body towards the right and leaned forward; closing most of the distance between Alex and I. "And what if I told you I missed that side of Alex..." I whispered, my eyes bouncing from her eyes and her mouth.

"And what if I told you that I miss everything about you entirely.." She spoke softly, leaning towards me and I lost it.

I caught her eyes in my own like I was walking away, as if she didn't want me to leave like I had did. Those short breaths with nothing but contact, these were the forgetful moments. The ones that ended with her lips printed, motioned perfectly against my own. She was beautiful in the most excruciating way. And she tasted no different. Luckily, I had room to breathe, drawing back and counting the seconds before I would return to those divine moments. But those long drawn out breaths were only enough to draw a clear straight thought. Alex has a girlfriend.

"Alex.. Alex we can't, you have-"

"I ended it the second you walked out that door."

"How can I..."

"I swear to you..." She whispered and I swallowed nervously.

"Then what are you waiting for."

I took that chance, in a return that things could be different. I couldn't tell you if I enjoyed the thought or if the idea that it was just as insane as our past few weeks, but it was a start. The start of her warmth tainting at my cold lips. I would risk anything for this kiss, and I'd risk it all again just for another one. Alex Vause has just once again seeped back into my veins, and it felt new.


	17. Cold War

**Author's Note: **My oh my, has it been a hard couple of months. That is no excuse of course, but I just wanted to say; I'm back! I probably disappointed a lot of you by disappearing and falling behind on my updates. I do apologize extremely. I do not plan to abandon this story, in fact I plan on finishing it before OITNB S3. So to jump right into this chapter, I want you all to keep in mind that the next following chapters will clear most of the questions and conspiracies of what has been going on through the bumps in this tragedy. I don't want to spoil to much, so enjoy.

* * *

Cold War

The first thing I noticed when my eyes opened was the small lights that glimmered through the glass window. Paris was just as beautiful during the night as it was during the day, but much more. My body stirred away from Alex's sleeping form, slipping out from the covers to stand. Before I left the room, my eyes glanced back towards Alex; and all I could do was swallow the nerves, like needles pricking down my throat. Shaking my head, I made my way towards the kitchen. In switching on the light, I grabbed a glass and filled the contents with water.

Chugging the substance down only seemed to make my throat burn, the desire to cough was brewing. Before I could down a second glass, the desire was no longer holdable and I dropped the cup within the process. The repeated coughs just got worse, until my knees were pressing down on the tile and my hands were firmly penetrating the shards of glass.

The pain seemed to follow, tugging and squeezing the air from my body. I could hear only a faint voice calling, repeating their words with a loud shake. The next thing I remember was swallowing the nerves, like needles pricking down my throat and the harsh intake of air that followed.

"Piper!"

"Alex?" I coughed out, my body upside down, body strapped to a seat.

"Can you move?" She spoke in a hurried tone. I couldn't process the sudden rush in tone of what was entirely going on. I focused on my hands which were pushing down on the broken glass; I moved my fingers one by one, wincing only at the contact.

"What happened to Paris?"

"What are you talking about Piper!"

I could hear the faint voices in the distance asking repeatedly for someone to call 911; yelling for help, yelling for us. The process of everything was diminishing, I was more focused on being in that Paris apartment with Alex wrapped up beside me warmly.

"We need to go.. can you move?"

Stuck in the mere realization that this could in fact be a dream or deja vu I couldn't move, I could only watch Alex unstrap herself safely from the seat and fall to the floor easily. My vision from there focused on each rim and every piece of metal stranded in destruction on the concrete. Before I could think any further, Alex was beside me and unlocking me. "I'll grab the duffel and we run."

The second I was free from underneath the crunched metal, I couldn't believe that I was back to square one; surrounded by smoke and broken material. I could hear a man in the distance crying loudly on the floor, yelling that he was sorry and he didn't mean to do it. When I could process back to the time when a truck slammed into the side of us, it was days ago, now I'm upfront with it all again. "Let's go, Piper." I felt the tug on my arm, and before the sirens in the distance would reach us we were already gone; running like animals.

I could only follow Alex down a few alleyways before we had to stop, the side of my body beginning to break down. I tried to hold myself up best that I could while she made her way over to me. "How are you even moving?" I asked, out of breath. "I wasn't the only one who got hit and thrown around."

"Adrenaline I guess? Shouldn't you be more.. macho?" She smirked, and I couldn't help but let out a huff.

"I'm still trying to figure out if this is real or not." I swallowed, catching her smirk fading.

"You think you're dreaming?"

"I've already been through this with you." My legs wanted to buckle, I wasn't as strong as I was before.

"Well it's real right now. And we need to get to the rondevu spot."

* * *

There was something off about the drive to the docks, Alex and I managed to swipe a taxi in the nic' before the sirens reached the block. I couldn't pin point what the feeling was after stepping out of the car, but it didn't feel entirely good if that simmered the possibilities down.

"This is where he told you to meet him?" Alex asked, sketched out and nervous.

"Look for the name _Lantern, _it should be here." I mumbled. It wasn't long before we found the white painted sailboat. Much to my surprise, the deck seemed rather empty. Rather lonely.

"He isn't here. Are you sure this is the place-"

"I'm sure." I nodded, my voice somehow shaky with doubt. Could this be what was off?

We took shelter below deck, lounging around the small kept area. I kept thinking about Rodrick, where he was and if he had made it out. Returning home had changed a lot of things, I worried more than I did on the field. And somehow that made me more vulnerable. Everything couldn't all be an illusion. Paris seemed more of dream then this reality, and as much as I think back- similarities with the past started to show. One thing was for certain.

"Alex?" I asked, seated on a sofa.

"What?"

"Are you..." I paused, wondering if it was necessary to ask or if I was really wanting to know. "Are you in.."

"Am I in what?" She stared confused, seated on a bed comfortably.

"Are you in any sports?"

"Am I in any sports? That's not a real question is it?" Alex laughed, giving her witty smirk and shrugging it off. I wanted to ask her about the phone call, about the girl who could possibly be at her apartment dieing to know where she had been. But it wasn't my place, even if in my dream it were.

"Why do I feel like there is something you're not telling me?"

"No? Just.. it doesn't feel right." I stared at the floor. In a matter of seconds, I could feel her presence beside me. The kind of hold she has on me could never out weigh the amount of sanity I have left.

"I would be worried if it did." She whispered, bringing her hand up before running two fingers along the cut above my brow. "We should clean that up."

"It doesn't hurt. There's no need-"

"It hurts me."

Fear is the second that is left behind when you choose not to notice. Because in those final hours, that is when you start to notice when change has taken it's course; when the little things mattered in such a dysfunctional relationship. I could only imagine a time when there were pots and pans dirty on the stove, where the sink was piled, and the counters were covered in empty wine bottles. Only during that time could I really remember the way it used to be when I was in love. So invested in that love, when none of that simply mattered. Now I'm seeming to leave behind the messes and trails in which I wouldn't care to take a second look at; because the danger I found in her eyes was must like that distant change, lethal and full of fear.

I wasn't sure I was ready for that change as I watched heavily on the way she cared for my wounds, tending to my cuts and scraps. I wasn't ready for Alex to become another soldier or another partner that I would loose along the way. I was torn between wanting her to stay like this; caring and gentle, or following me and forcefully taking the life of another. To be in the game, you have to be ready for the game, and I was afraid that she was ready.

* * *

**2 Hours Later**

"Piper, earlier you'd said you already been through this with me. What did you mean?" Alex spoke from the sofa.

Peering away from the window that under looked the water, I rested my back against the boat. "I keep hoping that I'm going to wake up right now. I meant that because we already got away and ended up safely-"

"Back in Paris." She interrupted.

"Yes. But the more I think about it, everything seemed so fast and loose. Like it just wasn't meant to happen that way. Feels more like a dream now."

"What about it made-"

**THUMP**

"What was that?" Alex scurried to stand. My eyes glancing up and then to the door. Rodrick was all that came to mind, but those chances were limited when I rushed up without hesitation. "Piper! Piper wait!"

I left her voice behind me after I ran up those little stairs. When my eyes caught a body laying on the deck, face covered with black cloth and hands tied behind their back, channeled a spark in my brain that wasn't lightly forgotten. Before Alex got to the top of the small stairs, I had already caught a blue painted jacket fleeing with a red cap on. They were to obvious, and that upset-ed me more.

Jumping off the boat onto the dock, I ran my bruised body down the isle as quickly as I could. I wanted to catch them, I wanted to question and I wanted my answers. Just before the dock had ended, my pace had slowed on the crumbled cement where a car scurried out the exit. My eyes adjusted to the back window, and in spotting the blue jacket I knew I was to late. Nothing brings you down more then letting the enemy get away. "Fuck." I breathed out.

"Alex?" I called out after climbing back aboard the boat, spotting her kneeling over the body.

"I hope at least you got something with your little run? Anything?" She stood up.

"He got away." I whispered, sneaking in on the body. "You didn't perhaps touch him did you?"

"Um? Why?"

"Alex tell me you didn't touch the body..."

"I may have flipped him over-"

"You never touch a dead body Alex! We could get in trouble if they found him!" I looked up at her, my eyes heavily staring. She didn't answer me, her wide eyes gazing, and I could no longer hold the huff of a laugh.

"You're such an asshole." She crossed her arms. "And this isn't the time for jokes."

After my smirk faded, my eyes printed down on the body; face covered and movement was lifeless. Apart of me was hoping that the person behind the cloth wasn't Rodrick, but the other half of me knew that it wasn't. Something wasn't sitting right and the longer I stared, the more I grew anxious. The more the blue jacket and red cap imprinted in my mind, making the anger tighten. When my hand pulled back the cloth, I couldn't help what followed.

_The bag that had been keeping my vision in darkness was suddenly pulled from my head..._

Studying the unknown mans face, my hands began to turn and touch every area of the skin. Intense bruising and extreme cuts.

_"You were lucky." A right hand jab to my face, sudden blurriness after another punch. "He won't like it, you, but __that's what he'll get..."_

"Alex..." I mumbled, leaving the air to pass before Alex took the notion to bend down as well. She didn't have time to say anything, I didn't have time either. "When we were talking to Rodrick and he told us about the masked man he stumbled upon, do you remember what he exactly said?"

"That he woke up in a cavern with a masked man who told him conspiracies and how you got hauled off in a chopper." She replied, distant as if lost in thought of remembrance. "Why do you ask?"

"Something doesn't feel right. If they knew we were here, why not kill us? Why drop a dead body? Why watch but not do.."

I studied the body more before I managed to remove the plastic from his wrists, analyzing the bruising on his skin from the press. I took notice to the bruising that it wasn't as intense as the rest of his body. "He must of not been tied up for a long period of time."

_The rope that binned my wrists together were cut, and I was pushed down against the concrete floor._

"You sure are confusing the hell out of me." Alex stood up, walking away. "I can't stare at him any longer."

The cause of death wasn't by bullet or by stabbing, and I was beginning to feel the man was beaten to death. Something inside me flipped, like a bulb blinking repeatedly for me to notice. Quickly, I checked through his pockets; side by side till a piece of paper poked at my finger tips. Slipping the white fold from his jeans, I stood; unwrapping swiftly until the words were ringing like alarms.

_If I can't take you with force, I will have to wait for you to use force. We will be waiting for you._

At the bottom of the page was the address, a simple and public address. They wouldn't cause a seen in a public place and that's what they want, a clean get away. For a split second, I was curious if the people trying to abduct me were really working for R.K. Shaking my head, I read the last small words, _I have him._

"They have him." I choked out.

"Who? What?" Alex rushed to my side, looking over my shoulder. "Rodrick? How do you know it's him? Wait.."

"We have to go." I crumbled the paper and began to rush off the boat, but before I could take another step Alex had taken my arm pulling me back.

"No." She sternly spoke. Her eyes filled with fire.

"I can't loose anymore people Alex!" I shook out of her grasp.

"I don't think it's right."

"What are you talking about!? Alex it's Rodrick, the person who saved us. Who risked it for us." I pleaded.

"You're letting that cloud your judgment." She stood tall, firm and heart spoken. "You rush into things without thinking. And in this situation, when there are people trying to kill you, shouldn't you think about it?"

"Would you think about it if it was me?" I swallowed, my anger rising.

"That's not the same."

"But isn't it? If it was you it would be just the same. Probably worst." I tightened my fists.

"In the military, don't they teach you.. not to tell. To keep what you do out there a secret, the places and things that you do. If you think as much as I do, do you really think Rodrick would just tell them where you are? Or where you would be?" She paused as if waiting for a reply that never came. "He risked getting us out, why would he risk us being caught again?"

For a moment, Alex had been right. She wasn't dumb, she was never dumb, but smart; fucking brilliant at times. And if she had been right about my judgment becoming cloudy, I wasn't sure; but her conspiracy with Rodrick was a risky one. One I wasn't sure I wanted to believe. Rodrick wouldn't tell a soul, he would take everything to his grave. Which made it worse. _We all would take it to the grave._ For our friends and family, that's who we protected; and the ones who stood beside us in this Cold War.

_Rodrick wouldn't tell a soul. Rodrick wouldn't tell a soul._

"I have to do it anyway." I breathed out. "And you're going to have to trust me."

* * *

When I made the decision to go, Alex wasn't the least bit happy. She had her conspiracies like the rest of us did. Could I trust the military? Could I trust Rodrick? But the most important question was whether or not R.K is in fact a person. The only way I was going to get my answers is to be put right into the middle of it all. If force is what they are asking for, I was going to give them more.

Along the way, through the miserable and bumpy cab ride, I couldn't help think about how nervous I actually was for Alex to be along with Rodrick once the exchange was complete. That was my offer, one for one. "Alex." I spoke quietly, and in return I got no eye contact; no words from her. "If you're right about him, I don't want you to confront him about it. Who knows what he will do." I had to look away from her, but in moments I could feel the warmth between my fingers and around my palm. The tight squeeze is what got me, is what brought everything out. "I need to tell you something."

The cab driver interrupted, "We will be there in 10 minutes, I'm sorry about the traffic."

We both nodded before Alex added, "Piper, what were you going to tell me?" When my eyes caught hers, I completely and utterly lost it.

_I have loved you ten times the distance, where the bound is limitless and no end exists. I have loved you over hills and oceans, engrossed over skies and in between nights, where your smile is the better part of a morning. Yet I abandoned you. Let you stranded and broken. Through every undeserving adventure, I am reminded of that when I look at you. Your smile cannot be a better part of my morning, or love past hills and oceans; circulating back ten times the distance where the bound is limitless. I am undeserving of that. I am undeserving of you._

"Piper? Were you going to tell me something?" She asked confused by the sudden stare, I shook my head.

"No, I just wanted to be sure." I mumbled.

"Of what kid?"

"Things. Nothing important."

_I want you to stop loving me. Maybe then it will be less hard. I'm just too selfish to make that decision for you. Because I want all of that... and so much more. That is why I have to do this._

* * *

Updates: Every Friday


	18. My Painful Love

**My Painful Love**

**Chapter 18**

**TWO MONTHS AGO**

He watched her through the door way, taking a second before stepping in the room and catching his breath. The man rolled his neck and lifted his shoulder, allowing his arm to rest comfortably in the cast. The cuts and bruises that had formed on his body showed brightly, as if to say.. _I hurt too._

The closer he got to the bed, the closer she appeared to him; broken and shattered. He hoped she would continue to sleep, the restfulness that laid way over her was too apparent to ignore.

"I wish you didn't have to wake up to this alone, but I also wish they didn't find you." The man took a second to clear his throat, emotions brimming within. "I'm so thankful you can't remember a thing. And I'm hoping you never will."

Before the guilt could reach it's prime, the man could hear a presence in the doorway.

"Thomas."

"Rodrick."

* * *

**Piper POV : Present Time**

The cab had dropped us off in front of my apartment building and before Alex could get a word out, we were already going through the front door. I already knew what she was going to say, because in her eyes this was the most stupidest thing to do. Going back to the one place they found you before. Where they had been watching you. And in the midst of my thoughts, Alex spoke the words I called for.

"Don't you think this is the last place we should be right now. Considering they were trying to kill us here." Soon as we rounded the corner and headed up the first few stories, I could not manage to hide my amusement. There was more to it and I wasn't about to tell her the reason.

"Yes, this is the last place we _would_ be right now."

"I really hate that you enjoy this so much."

"Enjoy what exactly?" I stopped just before the door, peering up at her.

"Just go inside."

The inside of my apartment was trashed, and not the kind of messed up after a party, but completely torn. We both took a couple steps inside, eyes peering on all ends of the room; up and down, over and under. _Raided._ Every little thing was shredded, drawers busted opened, and stuff tossed onto the floor. I knew from the moment I made this decision to come back that this was exactly what it was going to look like. They wouldn't just try to kill you here and not tear everything and anything up just to find what little information they could on you. That would just be very unlikely.

"What now?"

With the little bit of hope I had, I walked over to the kitchen to open the fridge and to my surprise I pulled out a six pack of beer. I turned and held it up, answering Alex with a.. "How about we pick the less trashy room in this apartment and we drink."

"That is probably the best idea you've had tonight."

* * *

**Alex POV**

Fifteen long and tiring minutes we had drank in silence, allowing the air to clear out. Finally able to breathe for the first time, and I couldn't help but think about the amount of days she had to go through feeling like she couldn't take a second for herself. She was the first one to break the ice and I was deciding whether or not to ask her everything and anything that was on my mind. That was always on my mind. Because in her words there was more than just sadness; there was loss, guilt, and doubt.

"Can I be vulnerable for just one night? I don't think I have the energy to carry the weight on my shoulders."

Instead of telling her that I was just going to listen, I didn't. I nodded and she returned the gesture. She handed me another beer and we cracked them open before she began.

"I remember some things, Alex, little bits and pieces. I've never felt so vulnerable then when I'm trying to remember them. The first time I realized I was having some sort of flashback was when we were on the highway. I've had other moments where I feel like the wind is being knocked out of me and I'm fighting the urge to breathe. My mind goes haywire and for a split second, I can hear and see things I don't ever remembering seeing. They come in when I least expect them to and they disappear when reality sets in. The real clear image I had gotten was after Rodrick was explaining the incident from his point of view. I didn't see myself falling three stories, but I felt them pull me from the warmth. They dragged me from A to B, whatever it may be, but my face was covered and the marks, my hands had been tied."

I listened to her intently, more focused then I have ever been on anyone. The world around us at this time didn't matter; they could barge in through this apartment and I still would be looking at her. My eyes watering not with emotional tears but with lack of rest, I could not blink, feeling like I would miss the twitch of her finger tips again the can. I didn't want to miss a single piece of Piper. The Piper who was allowing me to be apart of her world; this world she kept so closed off, so hidden and so alone. It was becoming harder to believe as time went on that this women had used to be so high spirited, joyful, and free. It was hard for me to watch her fall apart in front of me, knowing that there wasn't much I could do, but to just listen. Listen and be apart of her world.

"Can you imagine waking up in a room and not remembering the last few days? I wouldn't wish that upon anyone." She paused here, and I watched her take a long drag of beer while I had done the same. I felt parched just as much as she did, and I wasn't the one who was talking. "When I woke up at base camp in the medical building, I knew I had to have been dreaming. The first day where I could stand on my own, it rained and I had the pleasant surprise to be told I was to be put on medical leave. Go home Chapman, go home to the people you abandoned and hadn't seen in years. Alex.. when I left to boot camp, I really left. I didn't return, I didn't even write. I don't know what Cal is doing, or if my parents are alive and well. Or if they think I'm alive or dead.. or if they care. When I was away, I tried so desperately to leave everything behind. I worked every single day and when I had a magical day off, I still felt as though I was working. Just thinking about my family would bring me back, and I was so lost that I didn't want to come back. Coming back didn't feel right. Home didn't feel like home."

Suddenly the quiet swept in and she stopped talking. I wanted to reach out and touch her, to make sure she was still with me or if she went away. But to my surprise, she turned her head and looked straight back at me as if to tell me that she was in fact still here. She was here with me.

"I had this crazy idea in my head that if everyone around me knew where I was then you could of found me. Although I knew, I knew after I left you in the way that I did, you wouldn't come looking for me. It was such a selfish thing to think about. I was so fucking selfish.." She swallowed, rethinking her decision to speak. In thinking this was it, she continued. "I can't tell you that if I had the option of doing it all over again that I wouldn't do it, because I would. I would do it all again, because you got out and you created a better life for yourself." At this moment, I was the one feeling vulnerable. We sat there staring at one another, building tension, clearing the air repeatedly before one would budge. And luckily, she budged first.

"Alex... are you going to keep staring at me or are you going to kiss me? Because I don't know how much longer I can wait."

Usually in moments like these, I was the one who would make the first move. But today, I wanted to be apart of her. I wanted to fall apart and reveal everything. I wanted to spurt out how hard it was for me to get out of my old job, how much I struggled with the realization that she wasn't going to come back, and how my mom wasn't really here anymore. About how alone I felt without her and how sane I felt with her. In taking a moment for my mind to rest, I watched her cautiously straddle in my lap, our eye level becoming one in the same. I pondered if this was a good idea, that where we were going to go in this moment would benefit our current situation. But at this time it was becoming more about us and what we needed. And becoming less about where we were.

Piper placed her hands along side my cheeks, beginning to caress my skin. "I never thought that you would look as beautiful as you do with cuts on your face, Pipes." I whispered.

"Stop." She smiled. "Now is not the time for you to be cheesy."

"You're right." Leaning in I finally met her lips, softly.

* * *

After our clothes were tossed, cans were tipped over and crunched; we laid there wrapped in each others arms. Her face was tucked into my neck and my arm wrapped under her head. I tangled my fingers in her hair while she snuggled against me. I could feel our naked warmth caressing each others skin and I felt able to breath comfortably. We had been slow, gentle, and quite. Fixated so much on one another that there wasn't a single inch left that hadn't been touched, kissed, bitten, or caressed. I discovered spots I never knew existed in the most exhilarating way that made her go over the edge over and over. The night could of gone on for days, but there was a point where we had to stop and take a second. Her mouth tasted of beer and of Piper, she tasted different, but it was such an innocent kind of taste. A taste that had been waiting for me to find and have. And I wanted to believe that I was the only one who was able to love her this way. I really wanted to believe that.

"Are you asleep?" She mumbled.

"No." I shook my head a little, focusing on my fingers in her hair. "If I asked you to run away with me, would you?"

"They would find me." She answered immediately.

"The ones who were chasing us or the military."

"The military of course. I can't just walk away, even if I wish it was that easy." I could hear the sadness in her voice and I felt my chest tighten, the anxiety building of having to watch her walk away and loosing her for months on end.

"You're on medical leave, what if you were seen UN-fit to return? Isn't that an option?"

She took a while to respond as if to ponder the idea before she replied, "Unless you know of a good doctor who could write me out, then no."

"What if I told you.. I did." She leaned her head back and turned to catch my eyes. I sat up and peered on the palm of my hand. "I know a good doctor who can examine you. A good friend of mine too."

"And where would we go?"

"Overseas maybe? California, Texas, Hawaii, Florida? Anywhere as long as we have each other, I don't think it matters."

"You've turned into such a softy that it kind of gives me the chills." She shivered and I gave her a nudge.

"Whatever."

"We will have to talk about it soon, Alex. We can't put it off. It will just drive us both crazy."

"About what?" I pretended to look oblivious, even though I knew what she was talking about. Was I ready to tell her everything? Was she ready to tell me everything? And was I ready to hear what she has to say. But that conversation was inevitable. I could tell it was already eating away at both of us since the moment we saw each other after a few years.

"I'm not going to say it because you're playing dumb." She squinted her eyes and reached for her t-shirt.

"Oh come on, lets no end it this way. Please."

"I'm cold, and our sweaty naked bodies isn't helping. No matter how warm you are."

"Fair enough."

* * *

**Morning After: Piper POV**

"I won't take long, I promise. I'm only going across the street."

"Why can't I go with you..." I stick out my bottom lip, giving a pout.

"Because you need to pack."

"Alex, there is hardly anything in here to pack."

"Then shower, I will be back."

"Fine." She kissed me briefly before walking out the door, and I swear my whole world went with her.

**15 Minutes Later** and I was already out of the shower, dressed in what clothes I could scavenge. I decided that packing was the least of our worries, considering there wasn't anything to pack. As I made my way into the trashed up living room, I picked up the black back pack and shuffled through ammunition and weapons. This wasn't going to make it through airport security and it would be idiotic to even try. _Could you feel safe without them?_ It wasn't like I couldn't get registered or find a way to get more when we finally settled to wherever we ended up going. With my back to the front door, I heard the twist and turn, and in which put my mind at ease.

"Back already, that was fast.." Turning around with the back pack in hand, I stopped midway and dropped the bag to the floor.

"Piper." Rodrick stood, hooded like the first time he was in my apartment, this time looking more damaged. The only downfall being this time was him pointing the gun at me.

"Rodrick.. what.. where have you been?" I tried to keep my voice clear, trying desperately to ignore the M9 he had been holding.

"I don't have time to answer your questions. I barely have any time at all now-a-days. So you're going to stand there and listen." He locked the door behind him and began taking a few steps, I matched him by taking a few backwards. "We meant nothing to them, do you understand that now?"

"Rodrick, what are you talking about?"

"Shut up!" His hand shook the pistol and my shoulders jerked. "Listen to me. We were lead blindly for two years, two fucking years we covered up there mess. We had no real order, we were just mules and dogs, told what to do and where to go. Until... until.." He struggled, seemingly fighting with his own mind. "Until we found those buildings, do you remember?"

I shook my head honestly and he yelled again, "No you remember! Tell me you remember!" I nodded almost instantly and he calmed down. I just needed to listen... _listen._

"We were there to early. We shouldn't have been there so early, it was our mistake, your mistake. And we got punished for it. We rummaged and scavenged without order and we were close to him than we have ever been."

"Rodrick.. you're not making any sense."

"Military missiles took down that building and killed our team. Our own people killed us. The people we were trying to protect because we were too close and too early."

I wanted to believe that he wasn't just rambling, that he knew what he was talking about, and maybe.. just maybe I would wake up and be far away from this place. That I didn't make that mistake. That we were all sane again. "How do you know?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't get angry.

"Because I was apart of it. After everyone died.. after I watched you being taken, I knew.. I knew you wouldn't return. I didn't want to die Piper, I didn't want to die. I was a coward and I joined in on it. On the secrets."

"You lied to me?"

"Everyone lies! Nothing is true! You- you should know that! But you're so blind, so vulnerable, so small. I changed my mind, I changed my mind the second they brought you in."

"What?"

"Thomas found me and brought me to medical. He let me in, he saved me. But the second I saw you, how in pain you were, I had to do something. I was begging you not to remember, don't you remember? I was there.. I was in that building! I heard them lie to you!"

"Aaron...Aaron please calm down.!"

"Shut up!" He eyes flashed away as if catching something and I wanted to turn around to see, but I couldn't. I was stuck in place, confused. "We are out of time and it doesn't matter anymore."

"Out of time.. what are you talking about?" I spoke softly, nerves breaking forth. For the first time in a while, I was scared.

"I'm sorry that I dragged you into this. I should of left you alone. I should of left you to process everything and to move on. I'm sorry for that." From behind Rodrick, I could hear the twist and turn I knew so well. _Alex._ "I was going to fix it, I was going to fix everything but- but they are everywhere. I can't back out now."

"Rodrick, please.. please put the gun down." As I go to take a step forward, he gets angry again.

"Stay back!"

"Piper!" Alex yells outside. "Piper who are you talking to!?"

"We can't live. That is their deal. We die and everyone else lives. No one has to know. And no one will believe her."

Alex continues to yell behind the door. _We die and everyone else lives._

"No one will know what happened, they will just think we couldn't handle society. That is how it will work out. I'm sorry."

Rodrick brims with tears and in that millisecond when you see your whole life flash before your eyes, you realize that you can't stop fate. And I knew even if Alex were to bust through that door, she couldn't stop this moment. But I'm not sure if I wanted her to. My chest contracts and I watch his finger rest over the trigger, releasing the first bullet.

Like a pinch of steal piercing through skin, I feel the first hit just below my right shoulder. And before I could get a breath out from impaction, the second bullet is released and strikes just below the left of my ribcage. Almost immediately I am covering the second wound, knowing it was far more serious than the other. I fall onto my knees and I struggle to breathe; choking out the blood from my mouth onto the floor.

"Rodrick.." I breathed out a few times, continuing to stumble to my feet only to meet the floor time and time again. And on my last attempt my right side met the carpet. My body shook, gasping for what little air I could find, while my arm succumbs to numbness as I bleed out. I fought hard to keep my eyes open and within minutes I found his, and he looked at me one last time before I heard the small crack of the living room window. I had known this bullet wasn't meant for me, but for him.

_We die and everyone lives._

I watched his head lean and before he hit the ground he was already dead. I closed my eyes during this real moment, knowing luck wasn't going to be on my side this time. And in the midst of opening and repeatedly closing, I could hear her voice in the background calling for me; banging and kicking.

"Piper!" Alex yelled, trying to break down the door, trying desperately to see what was going on.

I thought of her as I fought the darkness, wanting nothing more than to see her face one last time. The tears that filled my eyes; I wasn't sure if they had been for me, for her, for my family, or for him. I could feel her hands on my skin and I didn't realize she had gotten through the door. She disappeared for what felt like hours only to return and push me over as gently over on my back. Her hands traveled over my body and from what I could notice, she was shaking immensely. She pressed sheets over my wounds firmly, trying to minimize the amount of blood I was loosing.

"Piper, please.. please-" Her voice cut out then and I was pretty sure I couldn't hear her anymore. I blinked her face in and out, trying to get a glimpse of the pair of glasses I loved so much, but nothing seemed to stick. All that was left now was her voice, she talked and talked, and I could barely hear her anymore.

And no matter how warm the end appeared... I didn't want to leave her behind this time..

_I didn't want to leave her behind this time..._

_I'm sorry Alex.._


	19. What You Didn't Know

**What You Didn't Know**

Chapter Nineteen

Piper POV

The rocks I climb down are slippery, wet with mist from the ocean breeze.

"_1..2..3.." Jolt._

One foot after the other, my boots sink lightly, grazing each new acre of green.

"_1..2..3.." Jolt._

When I reached the bottom and I continued on towards the waves, I could feel my body lighten; an easy and restless feeling waning over my bones.

"_Again!" Jolt._

The closer I got to the water, the greater I felt, but something in me was forcing me to stop. Her palms touched the sides of my cheek whilst turning my head towards her, their green iris showing brightly. _**Who.**_

"_Come back to me."_

I watched her mouth the words, the sound unclear but still there.

"_Don't you fucking leave me."_

* * *

Alex POV

They tore me from her, wrapping their arms around my frame and with each attempt to escape, they had continued to hold me from my desired spot. The very spot in which had been replaced. For a few shattered moments of gaining my composer with clear vision, I knew they were not here to rid her from me. It was in fact, the opposite.

I watched them quickly cover her wounds in bandages, trying to stop the bleeding as much as they could; one man hovered his ear over her mouth and I could tell it wasn't good.

"She isn't breathing! Get me-" Before he could finish, another man was already kneeling on the other side of Piper and a women handed him the defibrillator.

The man on the opposite side began to bump air into her mouth while the other rubbed the pads together.

"1..2..3" Jolt.

Nothing.

"1..2..3.." Jolt.

He turned his head to check for air.

"Again!.." Jolt.

I watched both men pull away, the look on their face filling with despair and loss and I wasn't having any of it. I managed to pull myself away from the man and lunged myself towards her body. Quickly, I placed my hands on the sides of her cheeks and started to plead.

"Come back to me."

Nothing.

"Don't you fucking leave me."

"Get her out of here!" The man beside me yelled and again, I was being dragged away; this time out of the door.

"You can't do this.." I groaned in an attempt to pride myself from their grip. "She isn't dead!"

"Dammit. Charge!" Jolt.

"Again!" Jolt.

"We got a pulse!"

* * *

**Alex POV – Two Years Ago**

This was the last place I wanted to be, standing just behind the door that could very well hold what I was looking for, whom I was looking for. I balled my fist to knock, but I froze in place. My arm fell to my side and with a sigh I retreated back down those same porch steps time and time again. What was I going to say – how could I explain myself without making it seem like I wanted pity, better yet, were they even here to begin with? No, would the owner of the home tell me anything in the first place. Two long hard years I pulled myself out from the gutter, clearing my illegal name and scrapping up every loose end. I lost things in the process, but I was as free as I was ever going to be. Finally, I was stable and ready to find the missing piece; to fill the hole in my chest.

Now I walk around the block a few times, hoping it could calm the nerves and my thoughts, and when I felt just a tad bit relaxed I settled back in front of that same door. Only this time, I was going to knock.

I knocked once, twice, and before I could knock again the door sprung open; casually they appeared in front of me. Of course it wasn't whom I was looking for, but it was who I had expected to answer.

"I was wondering how long it was going to take you to gather the nerve to knock." The brunette spoke uneasily, annoyed even.

"It is good to see you too, Polly."

"I suppose you can come in." She moved to the side and a-gaped the door more, I proceeded through the landing. "You can have a seat on the couch, would you like a glass of water or a cup of coffee?"

"Water is fine." I shrugged half way before walking over towards the couch. Polly disappeared in to the other room, gathering the water I presume, and I was left alone for a few minutes. I had the opportunity to look around; noticing the pictures hung on the walls and along the shelves, and noticing there was not a single one of her.

"She isn't here, if that is why you came." My eyes diverted to a now calm Polly, whom handed me a glass and gradually took a seat beside me. "I haven't heard from her in, what, two years."

"The owner of her old apartment said she sold it a year ago. I was hoping she had moved in with you." I took a long sip, quenching my now parched mouth.

"Well, you thought wrong."

"Do you know where she is?"

"I honestly have no idea where she is, like I said, I haven't heard from her in two years. She just, disappeared." Her voice broke at the end and my stomach twisted, knowing I have reached another dead end.

"How does she just disappear.. you are the closest friend she has. You have to know something, anything."

"Why does it matter so much to you? If I recall, you weren't the greatest person to her."

"No I wasn't, but it doesn't seem like you were either; considering she left you too." I spat and we glared for a moment before she sighed.

"Two and a half years ago she came to talk to me about something, this was maybe, a month or two after she left you. She showed me this letter that I swore it was some kind of joke, but then she got all serious and I didn't want to believe it."

"What was in the letter?"

"A letter saying that she had been accepted to join the Marine core and was scheduled for boot camp in the upcoming two weeks. I couldn't imagine her ever signing up for something like that, or wanting to do so, that is why I tossed the thought away as soon as she brought it up." She chuckled sadly, "Who would of thought that was the last time I would ever see her."

Coming here was a mistake, I thought. This wasn't how it was suppose to go, our whole conversation was suppose to go a different way; Piper was suppose to walk down those stairs and yell at me for coming, to bicker and tell me she was happier without me. Or even worse, listening to her tell me she has moved on with someone else – some else who could give her a picket fence. But instead that same women who only wanted to spend time with me was god knows where, with a helmet strapped to her head, holding a gun, and her boots scrapping against the dirt. No, that was no possible, was it? She couldn't be miles away avoiding gun fire and land mines, could she?

"Listen, I knew the moment she didn't come back that she had passed boot camp, and when she sold the apartment it was very clear that she didn't want to come back. I hated her for a while, but I had to accept that for some crazy reason, she needed this."

"You didn't try to talk her out of it? Call her and beg her to come home?" I finished the rest of the water and sat the glass on the mini table in front of me, and settling my fingers through my hair. The frustration was clear.

"You don't think I tried? I left voicemail's and angry ranting text messages, and when finally I got a reply.. it was just about how the number had been disconnected. I was furious that she wouldn't even give me an explanation or tell me that she was okay, that is all I literally wanted to know. She wouldn't even give me that."

"Do you have any idea why? Why she would-"

"Because of you, I'm sure." She rolled her eyes as if it was something I already knew, or should of known.

"What?" I was growing irritated, upset that she was out of my reach every time.

"She doesn't want you to find her, you know that whole hardheartedly. I figured that out when she decided to leave me too, she despises herself and feels like she owes you for something. And the best thing she could come up with was joining the military." She stood up at this time, walking over to grab a note pad and a pen; when she returned, she was talking again whilst writing. "This is Cal's number, he has been trying to find her for a year now. He may know more than I do, and this is all that I can do for you." She ripped the note off and handed me the small piece.

I rose and stuffed the paper in my pocket, then I made way towards the door after we exchanged goodbye's. But just as I took the last step off her porch, Polly called after me. "Alex!"

"Yes?"

"Keep me updated, I wrote my number down as well." As she turned to close the door she stopped in her tracks, I knew she wasn't finished. "If you find her, bring her home."

"I will try my best."

* * *

**Alex POV – Two Years ago**

I paced the floor of my apartment about a hundred times, the posted note and cell resting on the coffee table were taunting me every second. It had been a week since Polly had given Cal's number to me and I have yet to do anything about it. A part of me feels as though I am running out of time, while another part of me wasn't ready to hear what he knew; and if he knew anything at all. I wanted to find her, of course, so I was willing to go about any lead that I could find. Until it had to come down to getting in contact with her family, the same family whom doesn't know I even exist and now I had to. Talking about my past relationship with Piper was the last thing I wanted to share, with anyone for that matter.

My back met with the couch quickly, my body falling into a relaxation while my mind did not. I was looking for her more than just to fill the hole in my chest, but because of my late mother. It happened as if it was only yesterday – far out from the crowd, dressed in black and a cloth covering the lower half of her face – she had been there at the funeral. At first I was sure I had imagined it, worried I had fallen over the deep end and seeing this was going to be the norm; except I wasn't. She was there for my mom and for me, in a small way, and I couldn't let that go ever since. Piper was the one, always was and always will be – regardless.

A sigh escaped past my lips and I mindlessly reached for my cell – the note included – and before I knew it, I was already listening to the ring. I had to exist now.

"Cal." a voice beckoned, silent mumbling were heard in the background.

"Cal, this is Alex.. I know your-"

"Alex!" He chirped, "Polly said you were going to call."

"Wait, you know of me?"

"Polly told me everything years ago. Quite the fan I might say, anyone who can put dear ol' Pipes in place is a friend to me." He chuckled and suddenly, I felt relieved.

"That's good. I love my fans. But I was calling because..."

"You want to know if I have anything on where Piper might be.. and the answer is I do."

"Do you know where? And if she could still be there?"

"There is a huge possibility that she is stationed in the same spot, but I'm not about to give out information so easily." He paused as he tended to the mysterious voice in the background, "Yes- yes I'm about to.. okay, okay. How about you come over to my place tomorrow afternoon, we will grill some steaks and I will tell you everything you want to know."

I knew I very well couldn't say no. If I wanted to be apart of her life, I was going to have to exist in more than just hers.

"What is your address?"

* * *

**Alex POV - Two Years ago**

I couldn't believe I was doing this, standing here in a small bakery, debating what pie I was going to buy. I had well over an hour to kill before I was to be at Cal's for an afternoon lunch, filled with steaks and getting to know each other. Again, I couldn't believe I was doing this.

"Have you decided on a pie?"

"Oh, yes. Can I take the apple one please." _So plain. _"Whatever."

"What was that?" The women peaked over the counter.

"Nothing." I waved my hand with a grin.

**Thirty minutes** had passed since leaving the bakery and I was already getting out of the cab, pie in hand, and a-not-so enthusiastic look on my face. My eyes peeled from the door to the side gate and then back to the front door, but just as I was about to take the first step, I remembered something.

"_Niri and I will be in the back yard, just go past the side gate."_

With a heavy sigh, I retreated to the side of the house and on through the side. I could already hear the muffled voices ahead and the smell of burning meat. They caught me just as I rounded the corner with smiles that stretched from cheek to cheek.

"You must be Alex!" A brown haired women made her way quickly towards me and in seconds I was being hugged. "You brought a pie, wow, looks rather delicious."

"You didn't have to do that." A scruff bearded man behind the grill waved with another cheek to cheek grin. "Welcome!"

"I wanted to bring something and there was a bakery on the way." Their smile's were contagious, so I returned one.

"My name is Niri, Cal's wife. I've heard a lot about you."

"Okay wife, leave the women alone, she only just got here. Come Alex, sit.. would you like a beer?" Cal walked away from the grill and grabbed two beers from an ice chest.

"That would be great." I gladly took one from him before taking a seat.

"Alright, the steaks are gonna be a bit. I say we get down to business and then enjoy the rest of it when the food is done?" I only nodded as he tended to his beer and Niri disappeared into the house.

"When I hadn't heard from Piper in a year, I contacted Polly. My parents kept nagging me for information, my father especially. Polly told me she had not spoken to her either and then she told me all about the letter. Niri had an old friend who used to be in the military and with that, I was able to get into contact with someone who lives in the same dorm with her." He paused and took a sip. I had done the same.

"Her name is Olivia. She was helpful enough to tell me everything I needed to know and to update me if anything was happening. You see, Piper doesn't have any family listed or friends, and I wasn't sure if you were even able to do that. But she did."

"Meaning, if something happens to her, we wouldn't know about it."

"Correct." He shook his head. "Olivia also told me Piper works as much as she can. When everyone else goes home to their families, she doesn't, she stays in the dorms and minds her own."

"Do you know where she is stationed?"

"Overseas in Germany."

"Have you thought about going over there?" The tips of my fingers were anxiously tapping the bottle.

"No, I have not."

"Why? Do you know the exact place of the dorms?"

"She's already deployed, Alex." He sighed, taking a long drag of his beer and then tossing the empty bottle in a trash bin.

"Do you-"

"Afghanistan or Iraq, Olivia wasn't sure."

Niri came out this time with two bowls in hand covered in a layer of saran-wrap. Cal turned his head and gave a smile, beckoning his wife over. She joined us shortly after putting the bowls on the table.

"Is there any way of knowing when she will return?"

"I asked that, and Olivia said knowing her platoon and Piper.. a year." My eyes closed for a short period of time, soaking in that Piper was yet again out of my reach and I was met with another dead end.

"As of now, I'm just waiting for a call to tell me she is back. But I'm always worried for the later."

"Darling, you better check the steaks." She rubbed his arm and he agreed. "So, Alex.. are you looking for a job or new one perhaps?"

"Something like that." I shrugged and leaned back in my seat.

"I'm looking for someone who can sell paintings at my art gallery, for pretty high prices. I just let go of a guy who was delving below the average price, he was terrible."

"For pretty high prices?"

"Yeah, basically you walk around and spot customers who are interested in a painting. Have any experience in something like that?"

"Tons." I grinned.

* * *

**Alex – Present Day**

I stood in the hospital hallway, my eyes nor my body ever budging away from where I was standing – my mind was trying to grasp the reality of what had happened. _What did happen, _was a far bigger question. All I could force myself to think about was her and how she could barely breathe on that floor, staring at nothing but him. Rodrick was someone Piper trusted, whom she counted on and worried about, and in the end he tried to kill her – and he almost got what he wanted.

We had been stupid and selfish – blinded by our personal matters that we discarded our safety, her safety. And now I was regretting the decision to leave her alone. I lost her once and now I was loosing her again.

The thought was too much to bare that it was making me dizzy, and the pounding in my head was now hard to ignore. I swayed back and forth desperately trying to find my balance while I struggled with no sense of direction until I found a row of empty seats. I sulked down almost immediately and suddenly I wanted to cry, but I knew I had not a single tear left. My body and my eyes were numb, and I wasn't sure how long I would continue to feel this way. _Hopeless._

Distracted by other things, I felt a hand grab a hold of mine and when I finally looked over – I had to blink away the image of Piper. Soon my eyes met with Polly's.

"I didn't expect it to be this way." Was all I could let out and she nodded slowly.

"I know."

* * *

**Two Hours Later – Alex POV**

A women in blue scrubs was pushing past a pair of double-doors and almost immediately I knew who she was. Polly and I were quick to stand, both greedy for information.

"When I called you a few weeks ago and you told me that you were in some fucked up situation, this was the last thing I imagined." The maned haired women spat out between her teeth, trying to keep her voice down. "That girl is practically on her death bed, what the fuck Alex?"

"Now is not the time to joke around Nikki!" Polly yelled.

"I'm not joking around. That girl is weak and bruised and barely has any blood left. You'll be lucky enough if she even wakes up from all of that." Nikki groaned and ran a few fingers through her hair, aggravated was an understatement.

"You're not helping." This was the last thing I wanted to hear.

"And for gods sake, wash your hands and your face Alex." She paused and before I could say anything she was already ranting on. "Polly can you go to our apartment and pick up a change of clothes for her, she won't do it, and I can't have her walking around this hospital looking like she just murdered someone."

"You're right. She doesn't look to good. I will bring food back as well." Polly retreated down the hallway.

"Why do you guys talk about me like I'm not here?" My patience was waning.

"Because I'm pissed at you, that's why. What were thinking? Getting into this mess?"

"I don't have time for this. I want to see Piper."

"Well you can't. No one can. At least not yet."

"Why?"

"Because she needs rest and I'm the Doctor here. I will think about it after you look like a decent person."

"I need to see her Nikki."

As soon as Nikki turned to leave, she sighed and then turned once more. "I'm sorry about what happened, I really am. But I can't let you see a patient who I think doesn't need anymore distractions. We will talk more about this later." Before I could get another word out, she was already gone and I was then left alone once again – without Piper.


	20. Carry On

**CHAPTER TWENTY : CARRY ON**

**Alex Vause POV**

I scrubbed and scrubbed until I could no longer feel her blood on my hands, but it wasn't enough to stop my mind from thinking it was still there. I could barely look at myself in the mirror without feeling over pathetic. I had no more tears left and my face looked worse than my body felt. There are moments between trying to find a way to stop my hands from shaking, to trying to find a way to breathe. I lost her once and now I've almost lost her twice. How can I handle loosing her forever? How could I find a way to live without knowing she was somewhere breathing?

I clenched my eyes closed and buried my face in my palms. Why did I have to leave her behind to grab breakfast? Why did I feel like it was better for stay in that apartment alone, because I felt like it would be safer for her?

I have to do something – anything if I wanted this all to end.

Leaving the restroom full of regret and rage, I found Nikki who wasn't the least bit pleased to see me.

"You're not seeing her."

"I need to use your cellphone."

"For?"

"You either let me use it or I find a way to sneak into her room." It took Nikki a few seconds to think before she drew out her cell and handed it to me. "Good. I will return it in a bit."

I found an empty room and resided there momentarily to make a few phone calls. The first person I called was Cal, I needed Niri's ex-military friends number. He had helped us find Piper before and this time, I needed him more than ever.

"Hello, this is Alex, a friend of Niri's. This is Bennett right?"

"John – John Bennett. What do I owe the pleasure?"

"I need your help. How soon do you think you would be able to fly out here?"

"Cal told me Piper was in the hospital, does this have anything to do with it?"

"Yes."

"Alright. I will try to find a flight out tomorrow morning, text me the address you'd want me to meet you at."

"This sounds crazy, but I'm going to need you to meet me at a warehouse. This place may have some stuff we could use. I will explain to you how to get there. Oh and be prepared."

* * *

**It has been one week and forty-eight hours **since I made a phone call to Bennett, which has inflamed us to start working together on finding out who R.K could be and why they went through all this trouble to kill Piper. Our trip to the warehouse was a success, we found many files that Rodrick had kept hidden in a small vault. Thankfully, we didn't run into any trouble. I decided to turn my apartment into a sort of headquarters, where the windows were always kept closed and covered. It sounds silly to think about, but it was something we needed to do. The door was never answered for anyone, except for the few we trusted – and I don't trust anyone with more power over me. I never trusted the police and even in a situation like this, the police could be in on this. We do not know who R.K has working for him and I decided not to take any chances. Bennett had bought two white boards that now stand in the living room and my dinning table has become a hot spot for files, and our laptops took up space on the kitchen island.

When he suggested I carry a gun with me at all times, I have never felt so close to one in my life. The cartel could never amount to how different all of this was, because frankly, this was a lot more difficult. I knew my job then, the ins and outs, but this – this was much worse.

Polly and Niri come by often to bring us food or snacks to stash away, but coffee had become my alcohol. I couldn't go a day let alone an hour without a cup. It kept me on my feet and my mind running. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, and I can't get the image of her lying on the floor out of my head. The nightmares of that morning are on a constant replay. I don't know how to stop it and I find myself wondering if it will ever truly go away, and how Piper could manage to limit the amount of dreams to function.

I didn't have to ask when they came by how Piper was doing – if there was any progress – because I could see it in their eyes each time. There almost always wasn't.

And it's hard the more days that pass to think about the possibility that she doesn't want to come back. If I had lost the amount of people she has, I would be contemplating too. It's not the same. Being in this spot, waiting and hoping she will wake up when I know I have to think about how she feels right now. I don't know much about the military, but what I do know is, when you come home you're suppose to be safe. War isn't suppose to follow you home.

But sometimes when I find myself thinking too much about it, she finds me – she stares and smiles and says, _"Focus."_

Even if it is for a brief moment, it is enough to carry on.

"The guy that kidnapped Piper, what did he tell her again?" Bennett spoke across the room, a pen tapping the side of his face, his stern look penetrating the white boards.

"That R.K wasn't just one person." I said, continuing to fill a cup with coffee.

"Isn't just one person. Isn't just one person. Isn't just one person."

I could hear him mumbling the words to himself over and over until he was able to fully focus on it. I made my way over to his side, curious about where he is was going with this.

"Did you find something?"

"These Marines having been chasing R.K for years and yet they still have no idea what he could look like. Surely out of the people they've questioned would of given something or had something on them. It is as if.."

"R.K isn't even a person." It came out of my mouth before I even realize what I had just said. "But what about Jovian, this person runs the group. There's no way."

"Jovian?" I watched Bennett shake his head as if something just came to mind. He booked his way over to the dining table, exchanging his cup for a file, and shifting through multiple pages until he made his way over to my side. "There are countless of acts Jovian has done at the exact if not moments after the Marines chased a tale on R.K."

"You don't suggest that he was created to somehow divert them away from the real problem?" I blew the idea away as soon as I said it. "No way. Piper's team could not have been the only team chasing this."

"But they were. The military has secret missions for platoons all the time and her team was exceptional, they were perfect for the job." He took one paper out and shown me the contents.

"Look, read this. Two years ago they had a confidential meeting. They were told that no platoons and guards are to know of this. What is even more interesting in this file is how they were told two other platoons and a group of Marines in Levee were slaughtered by R.K's group."

"I'm not following John."

"Alex, no Marines were killed during that month. At least not in such a state that they were implying."

"Your telling me that Levee was never ours to begin with, but theirs? How do you know they didn't keep this on the down low?" I was trying to process everything quickly and Bennett was quick to continue on.

"That is a lot of soldiers dying in a such short amount of time. That is a lot of caskets – caskets that Piper's team nor' Olivia has even seen. And Olivia is our main source here. When you're in the military, you know if you loose a brother or a sister. These soldiers don't just disappear into thin air, only if they were never there to begin with."

I was contemplating a lot at this time. If they really were lead in the wrong directions for someone who didn't exist only to provide cover for Jovian to do it's dirty work and get away with a lot more than they should – Piper's team would of learned about it, right? One of them had to have figured out why they could not find any leads and why they almost always had something to go off on in seconds for such detailed missions. These files were filled with countless of information and yet, no one bothered to ask why? _Why?_

"Alex. I don't know how much you know about the military, but you follow orders out there. Most of the time, you don't even care about this mission or that, all you think about is surviving and going home to your family. Don't disregard that. Piper's team was just following orders and in return they got to live a little longer."

"If all of this is true, then the person behind all of this has to be apart of the military."

"Someone who has the power to dictate what they do and how they do it. But there's just one problem."

"And what is that?"

"Piper is the only one left. She is the only person who knows who that person is."

She is the only one left, this repeated in my mind and I wondered if that is why she didn't want to come back. It was a possibility that Piper didn't want to live every day knowing she survived and they didn't, why her and not that guy. I rubbed my eyes in a desperate hope that I would not delve deeper in knowing she wouldn't come back. I wasn't going to blame her if she choose to leave, because I knew I could never see her being selfish for it.

Even though I want to beg her to stay and to come back to me – to tell her that we could find a way to get through this – I can't. And knowing I can't, hurts even more.

* * *

**Piper Chapman POV**

I seem to be stuck in the middle between two places and I don't know how long I've been sitting here on this rocky sand. My knees have been buckled against my chest and I have yet to feel stiff – my body doesn't hurt and I'm beginning to have a hard time remembering what happened the more I'm here. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know.

I've watched the same waves crash down repeatedly, the day or atmosphere never changing. Lately, I've been wishing for something different, but I cannot force myself to move. I don't know where to go or where I should. _Are you alive? Are you dead?_

I have told myself over and over again that none of this is real and I'm going to wake up soon – laugh it off and call it a weird dream. But all of this feels to real. Is this where I will end up staying for the rest of my life? _Your dead life._

"How long do you plan on sitting here?"

That voice. **His voice.**

"You're not real and you're not here." I closed my eyes, hoping he wasn't with me in my now living hell.

"You were always stubborn."

I can feel his body next to mine, the heat radiating off of him was uncomfortable. I wanted to go far away from here, but my body refused to do so. A part of me was happy I wasn't alone anymore. I just wish it didn't have to be him of all people.

"Piper you need to go back."

"You know for a moment, I forgot about her. I forgot about my whole existence because of you."

"You will never know peace if you let go of this life."

"You tried to kill me Rodrick!" For the first time being here, I felt anger instead of confusion. And when my eyes met his, I caught of glimpse of the last few moments of my life. "How do I live with that? I trusted you more than anyone."

"Don't use what I did to you as an excuse to leave behind all that you have done. Our people are getting away with killing countless of men and women who protect that soil. We were lead in the wrong direction to benefit those people." Something off in the distance caught Rodrick's attention, one he was not pleased to acknowledge just yet. But I knew what it was, regardless if I believed it or not. "I'm sorry for the person I had become, for throwing away our trust. But I didn't have a choice."

"You didn't have a choice?" I hadn't realized I was standing until I was walking furiously towards the water.

"Stop!" His hand gripped my wrist, halting me from going further. "You joined the military because you wanted to be apart of something, to do good, to feel like you weren't just sitting around watching the world go by. Piper... you need to go back."

"Please just... go away." A tear fell down my face and I was sad all over again. I couldn't handle any of this anymore.

"We were more than just a team, we were family." Rodrick wiped the tear from my face. "Sam, Clef, J-J, Micheal, and myself. He had us all killed. You're the only one who could stop him now."

"I don't..."

"Everything you need is right here." He tapped the side of his head. "All you have to do is let it come back to you."

"Rodrick..."

"Don't let him get away with murdering our team. We were more than that to you. I was more than that to you." Aaron stood in front of me, his facial features and frame carried no distress, no harm. He looked so healthy. I wanted to remember him this way, not in our final moments.

"I was very close my sister, Piper. If you could tell her I love and miss her, it would mean the world to me." He leaned forward to brush his lips against my cheek. And before I could say anything – anything at all, he was gone the moment I opened my eyes. Because I didn't see mist or hear waves, I heard a constant beeping behind the ray of light shining over me.

I was back and I sure hurt like hell.


End file.
